How can I be more supportive to my husband at a bad time?

Question

My husband is going through a lot right now. He's depressed and he's hurting. I feel like a complete jerk because I've done nothing but complain to him about his issues. I really feel I need to change and start supporting him, rather than arguing with him. Right now, he needs me more than anyone and I feel so hurt because I don't know how to help him. I don't even know where to begin. How can I get over my issues and start helping him with his? How do I support both of us through this horrible time?

Answer 1

Sometimes you can't. Sometimes some intervention might help- a pastor, a councelor, a close friend.

It helps to list your problems and try to come up with solutions for them. He may just need a way out of his problems and may not see one right now.

Start coming up with solutions to the problems and get past how the original problem makes you feel. Instead of arguing say, we need to brainstorm. I made a list and here are my solutions.. what are your ideas.

The best way to get out of a rut is to climb out of it. Instead of focusing on what you don't have, look at what you do have and utilize it. Become proactive in the solutions, not the problems. He'll probably appreciate the jump start.

Answer 2

Sounds like you are on the road.

Don't lay blame, solve problems.

Solve as many problems as you can, as fast as you can, because in life problems come every day, so they pile up, if you don't solve them.

When your problems are unsolvable, don't give in to addictive behavior to escape, it thus creates even more problems with no possible escape, since you are escaping in your mind.

Go to church, or get some spirituality, and have faith.

Watch the sun rise. Each new day is.. a NEW day a new challenge.

Think in terms of This is a challenge, figure it out.. solve it..not this is a super big problem, let's just ignore it.

If your husband is clinically depressed, you help him best by being his best friend. Make sure he doesn't wallow in self-pity.

As much as you can, stay active. Good luck.

Answer 3

Remember your wedding vow. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.

It is a vow not just empty promises that you have said to him at the most loving moments of your life. Mean it and give him your support. Realise that whatever happens, it is not what he wants either. I believe he wants to make you the happiest woman on earth but situation doesn't permit. That does not mean his love for you is any lesser.

Set aside your own needs and take thing one at a time. If you have to get a job, do so. If you need to pawn your favourite jewelery, do so. Love your husband, not materials.

Tell him that whatever happens, you still love him and wants to go thru the thick and thin with him. And mean what you say.

There will always be challenges ahead in every relationships. No one is spare with smooth sailing life. If both of you are able to come out of it. Believe me, life is full of wonderful surprises ahead and thru each challenges, you and your husband will be mould to a better person and your relationship will be stronger and ever lasting.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Start by saying just that. Tell him that you wanna be supportive and sometimes dont know how. But you want him to know that you are there for him. Sometimes the best thing is just knowing that a person is trying. And I am sure that he will understand. Sometimes nothing needs to be said at all. Just hold him, and watch a movie. Make his favorite dinner, do little things to make him smile. Tell him u love him and u are always in his corner, and that you are behind him 100% because he is your equal. Whatever you say will be perfect, as long as it comes from your heart. And thats real.
I hope things work out for you!! And I hope I helped!

Answer 5

Have you thought about going to counseling for yourself? It will help you get your issues under control and you can gain some skills for helping him, even if he's not interested in counseling.

If insurance is an issue, call the local department of health and ask them where there is a clinic with a sliding fee scale. Here they are called Family & Children's Services and the fee is as low as $5/session.

Answer 6

Well, being as you provided very limited information about what that "horrible time" is, advice of any usefulness will be limited.

Grow up, quit complaining and discuss with him the problems whatever they are. The both of you should be able to work out whatever the issue is.

Answer 7

I am sure he had been there for you when you were depressed... SUPPORT HIM NOW.. HOW?

1) stop unloading your problems on him..
2) talk to him lovingly at all times
3) assure him that the current problem will blow away soon
4) sit down with him and ask him how you can help him
5) tell him you support all his decisions
6) give him confidence so that he can resolve the issues

Answer 8

start out by telling him your going to set your issues aside, tell him you want to be there for him right now in this time of need. ask if there is anything you can do to make this better. just be there for him. don't judge, don't argue, don't fight with him. jsut get threw the rough time and just be there for him. let him cry on your shoulder or let him vent to you whatever will make him feel better. good luck

Answer 9

I have been in your exact shoes.

And after trying everything to get through it, theres only one thing that really worked for "us". Because even if he is the depressed one, it is equally hard on you. To see the man you love go through this, it puts alot of strain on your relationship.

After about a 100 fights, and my depressed spouse sitting on couch at 5am in the morning (yet to go to sleep). I sat down and held his hand. And looked into his eyes, and very sternly told him, that I loved him more then anything in the world. And that I know hes hurting, but we need to get through this or its going to destroy us. And I told him we had to do something to make it better, we cant just sit here and fight and be miserable. If he wants to change something then lets do, if he knows something that makes him happy. I will stand by him and we will find a way to make it work.

But sitting here being depressed is only making me resent him. (yes it was harsh but you need to get out your feelings too). And then I told him we WILL get through this, but enough of sitting on our butts. And then he went to bed, and even though we really didnt do anything drastic to change anything, things got alot better.

Sometimes they just need to KNOW you are there for them, and that you will do anything to help it get better. Having someone supportive that is there no matter what, even though your hurting to by his behaviour. Can mean alot.

Just when you are upset, dont fight with him. Just tell him. Things cant keep going this way. We need to be happy. How can we be happy? Tell me how, and we will do it. But dont act this way.

Its what worked the best for me.

Good Luck.

Answer 10

Just divorce him and let him find a REAL woman that will be a good wife and support him through his problems instead of just being a selfish brat. You need to grow up. You are pathetic.