I am happily married to a wonderful man. We got married 5 years ago, and in that time, we had 2 beautiful girls and one along the way. Our eldest, Ava Kay, is turning 5 in June. Our second, Adele Elisa, is turning 3 in October. I am currently 6 mths pregnant right now.
My husband loves all our children. The thing is, his family has a family business going, and the family really wants a bloodline male to carry on the family business. We are well-to-do and can afford to raise more children. The thing is, I don't like to hv the pressure in having children. When we hv kids, I want it to be where we're both ready and really want a child, instead of just working at it to get a son. I had a sonogram done on our third child, and its a girl. I shouldn't feel this sad, and my husband doesn't mean for me to be, but part of me really wishes this child would be a boy. I've shared my worries to my husband. (cont'd)
2007-03-22 20:29:10 · 26 answers · asked by lissabelle 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
He didn't mean for me to feel pressured. He opted for doing biotechnology on choosing the genes of our next baby, but I don't believe in that kind of stuff. He said that we could do a surrogate or something like that, but I don't like those options.
I really want to hv a son with my husband, but what if i can never have a son? I really want pregnancy to be a time of happiness, but will i ever feel this way with feeling pressured to have a boy? please help!
2007-03-22 20:31:06 · update #1
Ummm yeah him and his family need to get the **** over not having a boy to 'carry on' the family business. A women is equally if not more capable of running a successful business. You are not a baby making machine.
2007-03-22 20:39:54 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Okay so even if you do have a son, who's to say that when he grows up he is going to even want to carry on the family business. A daughter could be just as involved in the family business as a boy. Don't be sad about having another girl, if a boy was meant to be born in this pregnancy it would have been. Don't feel stressed about the family business wanting a male heir. Some cultures actually consider the males the outsiders in the family and the generations tracked by the females.
Plus daddy is the one that determines the sex of the baby not mom. He probably can't make boys....after three it wouldn't surprise me.
2007-03-23 04:22:19 · answer #2 · answered by MOMMY585 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be enjoying your pregnancy! And you should be grateful that God has blessed you with 2 beautiful healthy girls...think of the many people out there that aren't even lucky enough to have that! We can't choose the sex of our baby....I have been lucky enough to be blessed with one of each and for that I am grateful. Your husband and his family are being selfish to place such a burden on you...after all - it is HIM that is producing the girls all the time, not you!
Btw....you will get over these feelings once you hold your beautiful little girl in your arms and you will wonder how you could have ever been disappointed to learn that she was a girl...I just hope that your children do not find out later in life that they were a disappointment before they were even born!
Oh, and if you had a son, there is still no guarantee that he will want to run the family business one day...what if he decides that he would rather be a hairdresser?!?! Or what if he turned out to be gay? Would he be a disappointment? If you continue to have children I truly hope that you do it for the right reasons....
2007-03-30 17:54:22 · answer #3 · answered by Shaz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, accept this child for what she is. Enjoy the pregnancy or you will regret it later. My husband was the same way while I was pregnant, except he wanted a girl. Ofcourse, it was a boy. We are really enjoying him though! Your husband is not bad or mean for voicing his thoughts and feelings, its actually a good thing! But if you have money, maybe adoption? Theres lots of wonderful baby boys out there in desperate need of a good daddy and mommy. Don't do anything you don't want to do. Pregnancy and childbirth (and raising the kids afterword)are exhausting! Having a baby shouldn't end up feeling like a chore, and shouldn't be based on "will it come out the way we want this time or will it be another disappointment". I'm not in any way trying to suggest you are not happy with your girls or you don't love them, I just wouldn't want them to "over-hear" him mentioning this, not meaning any harm by it, and them getting the idea that they let daddy down. If you think adoption might be for you, I hear its truly rewarding...you get a beautiful baby boy who in no time will feel like you made him, and then your family would feel complete.
2007-03-23 04:25:02 · answer #4 · answered by boo kitty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel so sorry for you. Children should be loved and wanted no matter what sex they are. And you should not keep having babies until the magical son appears! Women are not baby making machines and girls are not second class citizens.
To me the mention of surrogacy is the sound of a marriage in trouble. What is more important to your husband? A happy marriage and happy, healthy children or a son to carry on the family business?
Just imagine if you eventually gave birth to a son and he was not interested in the family business. Has your husband thought of this possibility?
The whole point of having children is to produce happy healthy and independent people capable of living their own lives and making their own decisions.
Besides all that, what is wrong with one or more of your daughters carrying on the family business? Same bloodline. This in 2007 after all not 1907.
2007-03-23 03:56:51 · answer #5 · answered by jigfam 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know, there are so many people who can't have children and God has blessed you with 3 little girls. Your husband and his family are going to have to get over it. A male is no more capable of running a business than a female...and ya know what...there's no guarantee that if you had a boy, that he'd even want to run the family biz...You shouldn't feel sad or guilty!!! Enjoy your pregnancy and your baby when she is born. If you choose to have another baby do it bcs you want another child, not because you want someone to run the family business.
2007-03-30 23:15:41 · answer #6 · answered by Linnygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just a question - why couldn't one of your daughters carry on the family business? I mean, I understand if it's a male modeling service or Baritone teaching thing, but unless it's a strictly male business, I see no reason why one of the daughter's can't do it, if they choose.
And what if you have a son, but he doesn't want to continue on with the business? Would you have "failed" then? Would HE? I'm going to hope the answers to those questions is a resounding "No!"
If you feel pressure (or they're blatant in asking) tell them (politely) that's it's none of their durn business! It's really between you and your husband, and if he tells you he's not wanting you to feel pressured, THAT'S all that matters! And think, also, on the pressure they might put on a son if you DID happen to have one!
By the way, added on here, it's not YOUR fault if there's not a boy, it's your husband's Y Chromosome that he's gotta pass on for a boy to happen. *grin*
2007-03-23 03:45:58 · answer #7 · answered by jlene18 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a chovenist sorry but females can also run a family business, and even if he has a son, it is likely he will choose a different career anyway, if you force the child to do what the family want him to do career wise you are creating a monster I have two grown male friends pushed into family business's because of their parents wishes, one of them changed his last name and quit the family business, he hasn't spoken to his father in two years because he resents him for making him feel obliged to follow his foot steps, and the others are still doing the jobs but are hating their livesa because they never followed their dreams.
For your husband to mention suragacy and genetic work I think is crazy firstly to give a baby away is traumatising, and a huge step.. The the whole genetic thing personally I feel is super un natural and takes the whole miracle of life away from the whole pregnancy process... I can understand it for people that have genetical problems that can carry on with the male or the female gene, but using genetics to make a baby boy just because your husbands family wants a boy is crazy, if it was me this issue would be enough for me to think of a big talk, I couldn't be with a man that wanted to control things like that, it's not healthy...
People are abusing the whole genetic thing, what next if he only wants a blonde blue eyed child are you going to genetically fix that too?? I think there is a line... Yes its nice to have what everyone wants one girl and one boy but life isnt like that we dont always get what we want and we have to play with the cards we are dealt, and love what we are given, poor little girl growing inside you
2007-03-23 03:42:57 · answer #8 · answered by jazyj 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Does your husband know that HE is the one responsible for the gender of your baby, and not you? The male sperm carry the chromosomes X and Y...we just supply the egg, then carry the baby for nine months! Plus, who says a daughter can't carry on the family business? We are'nt in the 1800's anymore. My brother wanted a son, but he ended up having 4 girls! You know what? He loves them all more than life itself. You should'nt have to feel any pressure in giving your husband a son...it's your body, and there is no guarantee he's going to get a son out of it. (Unless, like you said, you pay for expensive selective-gene therapy, which to me is unorthodox and un-Godly!). You are both going to love this little girl, regardless, she is a miracle and a blessing. And remind your husband that the male sperm determines the sex of the baby-not us females! I hope you feel better (emotionally) soon, and good luck to you and your family!
2007-03-30 23:45:48 · answer #9 · answered by Carrie C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ma'am I am 32 years old and pregnant with my 5th child. My first 4 are all girls! Is there pressure to have a son? For me of course there is; however this is not why I have 4 going on 5 children. It is your personal choice whether to have more children after your 3rd daughter is born; yours and your husbands and not anyone elses. And please let your husband know that him, you, and your families should feel blessed to have the children you do have-boy or not!
2007-03-30 14:04:32 · answer #10 · answered by Jay 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell the whole family to get lost. they should be happy you have healthy daughters without moaning about having a boy how do they think the girls will feel growing up if all thats wanted is a boy? kids pick up on that sort of thing straight away i think the way they are behaving is ridiculous there are so many happy couples who would kill for children but cant have them and the idea of 'creating' a baby to suit everyone else and picking and choosing your babys sex is absolutley disgusting to me. tell them to get a grip and let them know how lucky they are to have those girls in their lives its about time your husband and the family realised that money cant buy you everything.
im sorry if i sound really harsh and rude, but having lost a child due to miscarriage, i get very annoyed when people arent happy with what they have
2007-03-23 03:43:06 · answer #11 · answered by dee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋