Should I file for custody?

Question

I have a priceless, treasure of a son, 14 months old. He's my sweetheart and my life.

His dad ('A') and I had a rocky relationship. I would call him emotionally abusive.I ended things when our son was six months old. A has threatened to abduct him should I get him medical attention for asthma (yup, I did it anyway). He went from mid-Oct to mid-Dec without seeing his son. In January, after not seeing our son since mid-Dec, he wanted me to hand over our son to him, no introductory period, for multiple overnight visits. He has been threatening since January (he hasn't seen our son as I insist on intro visits and he refuses) to take me to court for custody, but hasn't yet filed. He has given me less than $700 in support for our son. BAsed on all that, of course I should.

What I mean is, should I do it NOW, or wait to see how long he lets this go on? Let the months tick by without support? Will I have better chances of getting full custody if I file instead of him?

Ohno! let me clarify.

I know that $$ isn't payment for visiting. I've never, until now, withheld visitation, even when he'd given nothing in six months.

There is not currently a court order concerning visitation.

I've given him seven opportunities to see his son, all dated within days of his requests, with flexibility in all but one matter. I will not hand over our son to someone who is a stranger to him (and after a month to a year old, and now three months to a 14 month old, that's a stranger). That's no way to foster a sense of security! I'm willing to meet with A someplace neutral, to let them get to know each other a couple times. He has refused, rudely, each and every offer. I'm not yet willing to consider overnights.

If a court rules otherwise, then I am obliged.

Er... 'never until now' should be never. I'm not denying him access now, either. Just requiring that it's in a healthy manner for our son.

Answer 1

I understand how you feel, but you are playing a dangerous game with your son's emotions. Go to court and settle the situation, so the child will have time with both of you. If you don't get this settled soon, your child will lose valuable time having two parents that love him. Besides, it will ease the animosity , and your child will not feel caught in the middle of a vicious fight. The big plus is that you will have more money to give your son the things he needs.

Answer 2

First of all get it out of your head that chld support is payment for visitation. It is NOT. A non-custodial parent is entitled to visitation whether he pays support or not. You can not keep the child's father from seein his child. You also do NOT get to dictate the terms of visitation, THAT is determined by a court of law. He doesn't HAVE to wait for an "introductory" period...if the court says he has vistaiton every other weekend from 5:00pm Friday until 5:00pm Sunday that is when he gets the child whether you want it that way or not. You can try to file for full custody but the father will STILL get visitation, and you will have to go by what the court determines what is best for the child, not what YOU want to be best for the child.

Answer 3

You can file for custody at the court house, there is legal aid to help you feel out the papers and you really don't need a lawyer...Heck i sat through several court dates, with my sister and i found it fascinating how worthless those lawyer were, the judge didn't even talk to them...Legal aid will help you fill them out and if you don't have the filing charges, you can get help there to....
While you there get the papers for support, this way he has to pay or go to jail...