can anyone here figure out what's wrong with me?

Question

I'd really like to try see what's wrong with my ovearall being. Before you start typing, "oooooo you're fine, blah blah blah," Read this...
These are things that I consider to be signs of something being wrong with me.
1. No matter how much fun I might have, I always resist going places when I'm (seldom) invited.
2. As a 20 year old male, I've been on one date, and have never asked a girl out in my life (I'm not gay, trust me).
3. I've been going to school with the same people (in college) for 2 years, and have not made a friend beyond just talking before and after class.
4. Other than the one date and sports when I was in highschool and elementary, I've NEVER done anything with anyone outside my family.
5. I am paralyzed with fear at even the thought of talking to a girl I've never spoken with before.
6. I had a crush on a girl for 3 years of highschool, and I never spoke to her once.

Last semester I was often depressed about this stuff. I want to figure it out and beat it!

I need help, I can't go back to being depressed. I can't just change in the blink of an eye. I need to know why so I can fix it right.

Answer 1

It's not a disorder - it's human. You are lacking confidence and need to build your self esteem. A great way to work through this is to use the sparkpeople.com site. You will learn to set goals, find a supportive community, and help get motivated. Take care of yourself : )!!

Answer 2

You obviously have a fear of socializing. I don't know that your case is extreme enough to call it a phobia (you still actually go to school and interact when you need to) but I hope you realize that you're suffering from irrational fears.

There isn't anything "wrong" with you, you're not broken or anything. There are plenty of people who socialize less than you. You want this situation to change, therefore you have the initiative to change it.

Obviously this isn't instant or anything. You've conditioned yourself to be relatively anti-social and it's going to be hard to reverse this mindset. The best thing you can do is take baby steps and work your way forward.

Make a friend. Find a kid in the class who is awkward or doesn't hang out with many people and be friends with him. There's no chance of rejection, so you have nothing to fear but the social interaction itself.

Capitalize on what you have right now and maintain a positive attitude about what your doing. Being happy and positive = looking happy and positive = looking confident and approachable.

You can list all of the problems you have, but this isn't going to help you at all. Instead focus on what you can do and expand on that. Just remember that your fears are rooted in irrational thinking, and irrational thinking does you no good.

-Best of wishes

Answer 3

You could have a mild form of social phobia or social anxiety. It can make you shy and nervous around strangers and find yourself avoiding social situations or being scared to initiate conversations.

Depending on how severe it is, and you don't sound like you've got an especially severe case of it (as some people do who can't even leave their house for fear of being seen by strangers), you can practice your social skills by joining a group or club or volunteering somewhere. If you feel like that's too far beyond you yet, you can try some counseling and they might give you some strategies to systematically overcome your shyness or anxiety. In some cases, medications such as Ativan or Xanax can help to break the barrier.

This is a very treatable condition, so instead of mulling over something being wrong with you, treat it just as you'd treat a broken arm, go get some help for it and it will go away.

For a great deal more information about this, try looking up "social anxiety" on Google, there are loads of great articles and even online groups you could join for support and help.

Answer 4

Looking at all of the above points, everything centers around being afraid.
Fear, usually, results from something that's happened to you in your past. This fear seems to have affected all the social aspects of your life. Think back to upsetting times in your past (as far back as you can remember). Was there perhaps a traumatic event with friends or family? Were you victimized in any way?
Often, traumatic memories are suppressed, so it may take a while to remember them, or you may not be able to remember them at all. Think about the times when you were too afraid to step forward and center on that feeling. Something is TRIGGERRING that feeling, IE: a memory. A well known method to dig up suppressed memories is hypnosis. If you struggle to remember, then maybe you should consider this.
By confronting these memories, you can overcome them. But it's not over yet. You need to re-programme your mind after that, and knowing the cause will only make it easier.
Note: this is going to be a long healing process, be prepared and don't expect immediate results. You need to find help...a psychologist or counselor of some kind.
Good luck hun, my heart goes out to you.

Answer 5

Actually its pretty easy. Lets disect this. It sounds like you arnt good at interacting with people, probably since youve never tried. Sounds like you probably had a sheltered life as a child, not enough human interactions. Its all about practice. First off, you will fail and it will hurt. However, you will live. Then you get to try again. You have to force yourself, do those things you arnt good at. You have to make friends(male and female) and create an entire persona to go along with it.
Lets face it, you dont know how to walk up to someone and start a conversation, it hasnt been in you yet. Conversations are alive, they grow with the people continually. You have to let them devolpe. However, nothing can develope if you dont start it. Your first step is to walk up to someone that looks cool, and talk to them. Figure out somehting you have in common with them. Maybe an activity that involves many people. Have you tried a bar with dancing? What about a rave or somthing?
Any way, heres your answer, whats wrong with you is you dont have the gonads to walk up to a girl and try to start a convo that you will just fail. You have to do that first before you learn to do it right. Once you fail a few times youll learn enough tricks to keep convo moving, and thats the key. A friendship is really an extended conversation that doesnt really ever end, though as youll learn it is often a repeat.

Answer 6

I know what you're going through.

OKay, you must stop and really ask yourself why you are feeling this way. Why can't you go somewhere when you are invited? Why do you feel like you are not able to make friends. Write it down or open up Word now and type your heart out.

It sounds somewhat like social anxiety, something I've had for years. It has alot to do with your perception of yourself. It has lessened with time, but I still find that I'm really hesitant to do stuff. I'm in college and I don't have a close group of friends becuase I, well, I'm just not sure I can communicate that well or at the level I'd like to.

I think what you should do is sit down and ask yourself- Why WHY do I feel this way? What is it about me? How do I feel inside?

It may be deep rooted- something we can't tell you because we're not inside your head.

Take alot of time to think of the reason(s). Take the whole night if it calls for it.

Find a girl who you like who is at your level. Don't go for one that makes you too nervous. My boyfriend is funny and nerdish; he is someone I can enjoy being around instead of too anxious, although I do get anxious because I am naturally shy.

Don't attach a label to yourself, it may be hard to get over.

That being said, find out who you are first. Find your interests: what makes you you, what you enjoy doing. This is really important because ti helps you cultivate and love your own personality. I don't want to be pushy, but I tihnk you should do this now and start thinking about why you feel this way now. Do it right away!!
Good luck.

Answer 7

You could have a social disorder--social anxiety, or a social phobia (there are several types of known social disorders). It's probably more common than you think. I know of a few people on my campus who are dealing quite successfully with these types of problems.
Does your school offer free counselling? Or perhaps your GP can refer you to a therapist? You likely have a diagnosable disorder that CAN be treated! Don't give up. It's fine to be naturally shy--sometimes I find that shy people can be better friends than more extroverted people--but obviously you recognise that your situation is more severe.
Good luck to you, and remember that there are solutions, and you're not alone! There might even be social support groups your care provider can refer you to.
Take care!

Answer 8

You probably suffer from social phobia disorder. There is a weaker form, that I probably have, social anxiety. You should see a psychologist who will probably send you to a group of people with the same problem where you will be practising situations that cause you panic and helping each other. Do not hesitate, you must go there. It will surely help if you do not give up.

Answer 9

these questions are hard to answer. you sound like you just don't feel good about yourself, not many people do they just express it in different ways so are anti-social, some demand attention. people are different. you have to love and respect yourself first before anyone else will. maybe you could talk to someone, open your mind and be honest with yourself.

Answer 10

I think I already gave an answer.....dont forget your assignment!