can anyone here figure out what's wrong with me?

Question

I'd really like to try see what's wrong with my ovearall being. Before you start typing, "oooooo you're fine, blah blah blah," Read this...
These are things that I consider to be signs of something being wrong with me.
1. No matter how much fun I might have, I always resist going places when I'm (seldom) invited.
2. As a 20 year old male, I've been on one date, and have never asked a girl out in my life (I'm not gay, trust me).
3. I've been going to school with the same people (in college) for 2 years, and have not made a friend beyond just talking before and after class.
4. Other than the one date and sports when I was in highschool and elementary, I've NEVER done anything with anyone outside my family.
5. I am paralyzed with fear at even the thought of talking to a girl I've never spoken with before.
6. I had a crush on a girl for 3 years of highschool, and I never spoke to her once.

Last semester I was often depressed about this stuff. I want to figure it out and beat it!

I know i'm being a pity wh*re but that's all I've got left in me. I'm afraid I'll end up depressed again if I continue being this way.

I can't "just stop being this way"
don't bother even saying it. I've been this way as long as I can remember, it's who I am. There must be some deeper reason...

I can't "just stop being this way"
don't bother even saying it. I've been this way as long as I can remember, it's who I am. There must be some deeper reason... I need help

Answer 1

Apparently you have some desire for human contact, and that's a good starting point.
___First off, you have nothing to lose by trying. If you're in college, you've got plenty of people to practice with. If the fear makes your head spin, don't stop, make contact with a spinning head. Expect the first few to go badly, but after you get used to it, the fear will get better, and so will your contacts. (It never goes away entirely, so you have to learn how to function while it's happening.) The "nothing to lose" mindset is a good one to cultivate, and realizing that fear of rejection is common helps. Everyone gets rebuffed sometimes. But you can't win if you don't play.
___If it goes badly, it only takes a few seconds to turn and walk away. Big deal.
___Talk to store clerks, receptionists, anyone you encounter. Get used to talking with strangers.
___Don't be afraid to pick up a book on making good conversation. Half of it is being truly interested in the other person. Some local adult education centers give courses in conversation, in meeting people, etc. Maybe you can find something like this, and you'll be with people who have similar concerns.
___There are tons of shy people out there. See if you can spot them. You might even be able to make contact with one by walking up and saying, "Is this the shy-people corner?." Or something like that. You'd be surprised what works.
___What are your interests? Make sure you have some.
___If you have panic attacks and so forth, there are medications for that. Check with the school's counseling center. But MAKE SURE you have fairly frequent monitoring visits, because sometimes (if rarely) these can backfire in young adults. Some doctors aren't too good about this, so you might have to go to some counseling, just to make sure you're seeing someone regularly who'll notice if your mood dips dramatically. But the medications can help a lot.
___If you talk with a lot of fairly extroverted people, you'll be surprised at how many of them tell you that they were shy as kids. So don't think of yourself as forever shy. Think of yourself as a late bloomer.
___Practice in being rebuffed is a good thing. In a place with lots of people, you don't have to worry about seeing them again or often. It gets easier with repetitions, and it always helps to smile your way through it. But it happens to everyone. The difference is that you're not used to it.

Answer 2

How about stop beating yourself up thinking you have to be a certain way.

Be gentle with yourself. Don't force feelings that you think you should have because you see others having those expereinces that you are not having.

If you are introverted, then you are. It has as much as a useful purpose as being extroverted. One is not greater than the other.

In fact, some of the most influential people in history were big recluses and had no apparent qualm with it. It was partly why they were so successful.

Get to know yourself. If you are of a sullen type, observe how that is different from someone who is disconnected from expressing love.

Crushes come and go in magnitudes throughout a lifetime. When you are ready, you will do what your grain is telling you to do.

There's no scale here, no measure of comparison. Only your own compass. Your life is on your terms, by the looking-glass of your own perceptions of who you are and the world around you.

If you feel there's an action that is of the benefit of your own growth, then my friend, only you can take that step. No one can take that for you.

If you fear rejection, just realize the biggest pain of rejection is the denial that you are of worth to yourself. Others cannot give you worth and many, many people from all walks of life die beleiving that they are the worth that other people have prescribed them. No, no, no.

You know the score.
You know the answer.

There is nothing wrong. There is just the reality of choice and your comfort or discomfort with that.

Answer 3

First of all you are certain and insist there is something wrong with you, whether there is or not you are possessed with that idea. Now as we were told when similar situations like this happened, Pull up your socks straighten up and shoulders back and determine you are going to change. the first big thing is making a decision, then to do it. Now it will probably be a challenge, but if you are determined you can do it. If you just lie down you will be walked on all of your life. So get mad at your self if you need to and say I.m going to change!
Also you need to like yourself before you can step out, and you need to become friendly to have friends. One last thing you are a young man and you will make it. Don' t listen to all that negative stuff you have been telling yourself. Learn to go and help others, that is the quckest way to get your mind off of yourself. When you fear rejection or inferrior you will become more so. It is a challenge but where there is a will there is a way, and if you care to you can ask God for help, He will help you as He has already done so through me if you receive it. Not that I know everything, But I have been around a long time, and I know He does seem to talk through people at times.

Answer 4

The fear you feel is energy blockages in your chakras which could be from early life conditioning, but because it's so intense some of it probably has carried over from past lives.

There is no drug or food that will work through your fears for you. The only way to work through your fears is to face them. Face your fears by doing the things you feel afraid to do, like talk to that person you would feel nervous talking to. Only do what you can handle at that time. Take small steps. I understand that people can feel so afraid that they completely clam up and can't even say the word "hello". Deep breathing meditation can help if you're willing to learn that. It's going to take time to overcome your fears.

Either you face your fears or you don't get the things in life you most desire. God will help you if you ask him. A really good book on emotional healing is "Emotional Clearing" by John Ruskan.

Answer 5

Sounds like you just need a good dose of self-confidence. Ever thought about the military? It worked for me.

If the military doesn't suit you, trying getting involved in something positive. Like some kind of community action group on campus or some other type of community service. It's a great way to meet people and give of yourself to something important.

Think about the military, though. A lot of guys who never thought they were the military type turned out to do pretty well, and there are tons of jobs in the military that don't involve combat.

You might also try what's called a "ropes course." They are usually held at camps and involve repelling, rope bridges, zip lines, etc. They get you out of your comfort zone, but are really very safe. You also usually work within a group so it's another good way to meet people.

Keep trying and good luck.

Answer 6

I am trying to think of the work for what you are... I was that way too till I got a job and left school. I think you are probably a loner and you have a high intelligence, so most people that you meet are pretty boring or "childish". You will meet a girl one day who will relate to you and you will be able to do things you both enjoy.Find some other activity after school hours that interests you and the rest will happen naturally. Maybe you could see a doctor to get some mild antidepressants to help you thro this period. Good Luck!!

Answer 7

Try making small steps forward. Each day challenge yourself even if it is only in something simple and then keep a record of how you have improved. Write down how you feel in a journal. You are capable of thinking through stuff and asking us out here, we are all people too and I don't see anyone rejecting you. So you can communicate, you will get there as long as you see that you can keep moving forward. Don't let the bad days get you down, you can pick up again where you left off the next day. What helps me personally is knowing that God made us and understands us like no one else can, that He helps when we are willing to ask Him.

Answer 8

Honestly, I think you might be just a little shy. When I was in high school I was the same way. Just stick it out. I know it is tough, but eventually it will pass. Or when you turn 21, go out to the bars and get totally smashed and see if you can talk to people then. It worked best for me. I'm not very sociable unless I have a few drinks in my system.

Answer 9

Are being hungry, fluttery emotions to your belly and being worn out always the one signs you've got? First off, it's VERY average to be hungry. Second, fluttery emotions to your belly will also be from muscle's contracting and increasing (which if you're considering you're consistently hungry then my bet is you're consuming plenty and as such your belly is developing) Being worn out always may be very average and would simply be you are not getting ample sleep at night time. Stop having intercourse if you're concerned you're going to get knocked up.

Answer 10

Well for one thing I think you are emotionally paralyzed. Someone is controlling you. You have to stand on your own two feet an start to live. I also since you are somewhat immature, when it comes to being around the gals. You feel your inferior to them, when in fact some of them probably have an eye on you and think your a snob because you wont talk to them. (that's the female interpretation)
So first of all you have to practice...make yourself talk to one girl everyday.
If you want to make friends then be one!
Make eye contact, very important.
Then re post me so I can assess your progress. Ill be waiting for your progress report. Your assignment will be due Next Friday.