my husband and i were seperated for a year and he had other woman and they still come up after 2 years how can we fix this?
2007-03-22 19:07:55 · 14 answers · asked by babydoll 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
forget you ever separated. You may have tried this, but who brings them up?
you= maybe you really wont to know what he was thinking when he went with them or maybe you are thinking " If he went with them than came back to me does he truly love me or does he think that after being with them he sees how great i am?"
him= maybe he doesn't truly love you and thinks about being with the other women and the freedom he felt when being apart?
personally I don't know you two well enough to tell you why they keep coming up. which would help im fixing it. good luck!!!!
2007-03-22 19:25:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Past will eat you away and obviously is taking away from the present. It obviously will eat away at any future so, obviously you both are giving the past more power than it should even have.
Decide to have one final "Let's get this matter out of our system now" talk, and get it out on the table, and get to the root of what the problem is. Then, hopefully you both agree to bury it and move on.
You can't keep looking over your shoulder, or you'll both continue to run into a brick wall.
The past is the past. It's over. I think you are back together now I assume. But, it obviously didn't serve any fruitful purpose if you began where it was left off. Stop It!
You have either BOTH got to move on and together or recognize irreconsiable differences exist. Focusing on the past is a choice. A CHOICE! Choosing to move on and enjoy life and putting your marriage together is a CHOICE!
If you want to be miserable,.....misery accomplished! If you want to be Happy! Then, CHOOSE to be happy. Quit feeding the past with energy best utilized for Harmony, Growth and hoepfully you agree to amend your marriage and be satisfied that the damage has been done from the past.
Let go,.....and Let God!
2007-03-23 02:23:13 · answer #2 · answered by The Sylvan Wizard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you were seperated it should not be an issue, but it's human nature to be jelous. I'm guessing it's you that is the one more jelous than him, just because you posted this question. It's really hard to get over, when you feel like you were cheated on, trust me it's happened to me. But I do know if you let it get to you it will control your happiness and if it is then your relationship is not worth it. If you can't trust him again or forget the past you will never be happy together.
2007-03-23 02:14:11 · answer #3 · answered by Cyndia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Resolve to never discuss the past, when you and he were separated. The fact that you two got back together again is testament that you and he still love each other and want to be together. You've been given a second chance; discuss the present and the future instead.
2007-03-26 21:47:34 · answer #4 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you two need to sit down and talk about it. I believe that you two have allot of bad feelings toward each other and if that don't work and you still want to be together then go and seek counseling that is all I can think of doing for you
2007-03-23 02:21:13 · answer #5 · answered by Bigog090579 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who brings them up, you or him?
If he brings them up, it is because he wants to hurt you emotionally. He's either feeling hurt or emotionally inadequate and wants to remind you that he could get another if he wanted. If he's bringing it up, then it probably means he may have fidelity problems again.
If you're bringing it up, then it probably means that you're still hurting and want to shame him into appreciating you. I don't know that you can forgive him, but you can show him the respect to not throw it in his face.
Either way, you still (both of you) have trust issues to deal with. The only way to overcome this, is to learn to show each other appreciation. Its odd isn't it how easy it is for us to be gracious and show respect to strangers, and how hard it is with the ones we love? The problem is that your emotional sentiments for one another are out of whack with your trust. Your expectations are in conflict with your level of trust.
Instead of discussing the bad memories, you should try discussing what you appreciate about one another.
2007-03-23 02:24:51 · answer #6 · answered by the foolish fox 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has given you no reason to mistrust him , then stop bringing the past up, if you forgave him and you two are back together be happy and enjoy your marriage, it was your choice to forgive so now its time for you to trust him...the past needs to stay in the past...
2007-03-23 05:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Separation in the past should be left in the past...when other persons are involved they are no longer involved in either your lives now...it should no longer even be a topic for conversation.
2007-03-23 02:16:34 · answer #8 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ah, as the old saying goes, elephants and women never forget.
well, that was the past, there was no way to know that things would be worked out (congrats on that by the way), and he has changed since then.
It's best to just drop it. no more dramas.
2007-03-23 02:54:45 · answer #9 · answered by fromorto12 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to to able to put the past to rest. you can not change the past but can change the furture if you both work at it. you have to rember it takes two for a marrige to work.and work is as good as you make it. if you want happy than be happy.dont go to the past cause you cant change it. good luck.
2007-03-23 02:31:24 · answer #10 · answered by Debby B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋