Couples therapy??

Question

I'm engaged & we're very much in love, but we've got some issues that seriously need worked out... I mean, we've broken up and gotten back together 3 times in the three years since we first got together!!

I'm seeing a counselor through my college to help me deal with personal issues, and he suggested that we do couples therapy. My fiance is not too crazy about the idea... he talked to his friends & they said that if it's gotten to the point of therapy, it's over. Is that true?

Also, do you know any ways I can maybe talk my fiance into going to couples therapy??

Answer 1

Don't listen to your fiancee's friends... you are trying to work on yourself and your relationship... and that's commendable. Good for you.

Having said that, many people dislike the idea of going to (couples) counseling. Sit down and talk with your guy and ask him why he doesn't want to go. Listen respectfully and don't interrupt him, and don't take the "I'm right and you're wrong" position.

After that, calmly list the reasons why you DO want to go, and why you think it would be a good idea for both of you, and why it's important to you. Tell him that couples therapy is just a way for you two to learn more "tools" for your marriage "tool box" so that when problems come up in the future, you'll know how to handle them better. If he resists, ask him if he'll just go to one session, just to try it, and if he doesn't like it... then he doesn't need to go anymore.

I don't know what your issues are... but an excellent couples book that you and your fiancee and look at together is:
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. It's very commonsense, based on real research, and has some worksheets and activities for both of you two to do together.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I think it's a great idea. Sometimes it's hard to be objective and a trusted counselor can have a better perspective on WHY the issues come. It's always good to resolve relationship issues before marriage. Marriage is tough and if you learn how to deal with stress factors and work trough problems together without breaking up =)) that would make things easier for both of ya in ur marriage
There are a lot of great pre-marital counselors out there.
My fiance and I are considering doing that as well.
Personally I don't see how that could hurt....
All the best to ya!

Answer 3

I wanted to advise you however discovered my personal prejudices got in the way. I feel that if you are working on your own issues you're probably not yet prepared to be engaged. I think until you settle your own personal issues dragging another person through your emotional angst is just selfish even if it is recommended by the shrink.

I am also thinking that if you broke up three times already you're not engaged you're in habit and just staying together cause you're convenient for each other. Very much in love would imply that either of you would jump at the chance to help the other including go to therapy together. NOT pole his friends and let them make the choice.

Time to make some serious choices I would think but your on the scene and in counseling perhaps you should take the advise of your counselor and not solicit the opinions of virtual strangers with varied backgrounds and prejudices.

Answer 4

How long have u known one another?I've been in my relationship for 17yrs only been married 2ys out of the 17.Maybe you both need to focus more about how well you know one another before you focus on marriage.If you both really love each other than marriage is just a paper nothing will change but to many people make that mistake,Just a thought.Who am I,.............Just a woman who has experience for the past 17yrs.

Answer 5

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It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.

Answer 6

A 3rd party is not therapy!
Therapy is something that let's people express themselves without judgment or incriminations!
If you feel this is needed then do it NOW!

Answer 7

Women are always trying to drag men into therapy. That's hilarious.

Understand that life is very different (easy) for men. We don't think about as much crap as you do. You are trying to fix him and you should be fixing you. Be the best you can be. Think of what you can do for him. Be his mate. He'll love you so much that he'll go anywhere you ask.

Answer 8

I really think u should think about marrying him many many times..bec. you're not even married yet and u are already considering a therapy or couselor...too early for that..don't u think?

Answer 9

its good that you are councelling,its not true what his friends are saying. donot bug him too much to undergo this therapy.learn from your counceller how to handle such friends and situation.good luck.

Answer 10

if you've broken up so many times, why bother ??? just let it all go, you obviously have a lot of problems and need to grow up and solve those first.