Should I go on with it? Need some advice on starting life the right way...?

Question

I have been asked to get married by my girlfriend of 4 years and said yes, because I love her dearly. Our relationship has been very good in the first two years, but I think that it has become different. We have been intimate maybe once every 4-5 weeks for the past two years or so, and I am getting frustrated since my drive is much higher. I have talked to her, and she says she is just tired all the time. Our schedules are opposite, and we both work hard. Everyday when I come home, she will spend maybe 1 hour being awake with me and then pass out. She has said after we got engaged that I'd better want kids, or else the whole thing is off. The truth is, I don't really know if I want kids right now, I just want to focus on starting my career. It seems that she has energy for everyone else, but for me and I am starting to think that we have grown apart too far for a good start into a wedding. I get a lot of attention from other women, and I wonder if I am settling just to make her happy?

Answer 1

I would say at the very least, SLOW DOWN. You need to sit down and tell her your concerns in a calm, non threatening manner and tell her that you love her but you want to wait a bit longer before actually getting married.

Also, you need to know for a fact BEFORE you get married if you want kids. There's nothing wrong with NOT wanting kids but it's not fair to you or her to enter into a marriage without both of you being on the same page. It's especially not fair to have kids and not really want them either. If you're sure you really don't want kids, make sure she understands this and can accept that. I would talk at great length about this. This is a really big deal to most women, so make sure she FULLY understands.

Finally, it's perfectly normal to have some concerns about getting married. You're wondering if something better might come along. I remember years ago when I was engaged, at the bank I went to, there was a young woman that worked there who was VERY good looking, great body, and flirted so much with me it was obvious to anyone with me that she was interested. If I hadn't been engaged, I would have been very interested. However, I knew in my heart that my wife was the one for me, so I just smiled, was polite and I let it go.

I am happily married but you're the same as most men when it comes to getting married. We all get nervous and wonder if we're making a mistake. You just have to search your heart and if she's the one, you'll know.

Good luck. Now go talk to that girl of yours!

Answer 2

Forget everyhting else...just ask yourself...if you love her...are you in love with her? Thats the question that matters most, not if other women are giving you attention. My God, is all that matters in a relationship is sex?? Remembe the grass is not always greener on the other side. Love and honor is what matters most. She works hard. Talk to her about how you feel, dont give up. Unless you truly are not happy. But if sex and attention makes you happy, then maybe you are not for her.

Answer 3

Whatever you're feeling right now will be magnified in a marriage.

You will get less sex than you're getting right now and be more frustrated. Before marriage, people are on their best behavior because once your married, there is a bit more security though not much.

Do not marry her dude...trust me.

Answer 4

You have doubts now...these are warning signs...not just "cold feet". If you know what to ask about the pros and cons, then you probably already know the answers but are looking for confirmation. You also sound lonely to me....this won't improve with a marriage certificate. Soul search and pray...then do what your heart tells you to do.

Answer 5

if you have to ask, then i'd say you aren't ready. better to let her know now, and be honest about your reasons.

Answer 6

You are not ready to get married...