Do you think people mean what they say when there angry?

Question

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship except that when he gets angry he says mean and insulting things to me. He tries to convince me that he does not mean the things he says. Im not sure what to believe though.

Answer 1

I don't think that people mean what they say when they are angry. Like me, i usually say things that are insulting and i hurt feelings when i am really angry and out of control, but later, i really regret it because i hurt feelings.
i don't mean what i say, because people say hurtful things when they are angry because they are just releasing their rage that was kept inside them.
i think that you should believe him, but if you are really annoyed by his insults, than i think you should have a conversation with him about it, and ask if he can control himself from saying hurtful things.

Answer 2

Anger is almost like drinking with either you don't hold back and say really mean things but that is no excuse for hurting someone. Some people think if they apologize for something it makes it better but if they don't change their behavior after the apology and keep doing it that is not acceptable. Even if he does not mean those things it hurts you and you should not allow him to continue to hurt you. There is a saying something like "Be careful how you use proud words, once you use them you can never recall them." Meaning they have already done the damage when they are spoken. Let him know you will not continue to forgive him for his insults even if he is angry.

Answer 3

you say you have great relationship.if he is insulting you and says he means it,you first have to check your end for any defect on your part.whatever he tries to convince you that he did not mean it,why should he chose to insult you at all.try to be up to his expectations and also find what really hurts him.still if he continues his insults even after making yourself good on your side,then there is something he is really meaning.may be he is having relationship which might be sour in his angle .yet he may also be in a position not to leave you only because he had great relation with you in the past.try to sort out with a whole hearted discussion with him,if again it happens.or Just walk over him,since he might have found himself somebody new.he may be using you just when he is free.wish you good luck and happy continuation of your relationship with him.if he is not creating problem or having any problem.

Answer 4

He means them! Take a couple of minutes and think about having a daughter. Now ask yourself if you would want your daughter's boyfriend to treat her the way your boyfriend is treating you. A great relationship is based on caring if you care about someone you want the best for them and don't say mean things to them. Make a list of all the things you want in a future husband. Use that as your guide as to whether or not someone is right for you.

Answer 5

My dad does the same thing. He says the most hurtful things when he's angry and then later claims he never said that. Chemicals are released during anger that makes people irrational and do things they wouldn't normally do. However, that is still not a good excuse to be emotionally abused. You need to let him know what he'd lose (i.e. an awesome woman!) if he keeps this up. Talking it out before it escalates usually helps.

Answer 6

that would depend on the person. Oft times we mean what we say in anger, but only because we are angry and unwilling to understand why things are being done a certain way, or why a person is acting a certain way. Its hard to forget what is said during an argument and if your bf is repeating the same things over again its possible there may be a deeper issue.
I would suggest talking to him, expressing how you feel about this clearly, in a non confrontational way. its obvious he realizes he is hurting you, but the fact that he does it again is concern. It sounds like something he needs to worked on. If you're both willing to work on it, you should be able to make arguments less about inflicting pain on one another and more disagreements and opportunities to work them out calmly.

Answer 7

I don't believe that people mean what they say most of the time, but can say what they feel. It sounds like he feels guilty about what he said to you later and tries to make it up to you by convincing you that he didn't mean what he said. If this is true, you would help him by convincing him back to learn to control the insults before they come out of his mouth. Insults are like toothpaste, once they come out, you cannot put them back.

Answer 8

Another question you might ask yourself, does it even matter if he means what he says or not? That fact that he says mean and insulting things to you regardless of what he means is a BAD sign. If anything, it means he does not respect you as a person. I would be damned if were to put up with it repeatedly. One time, I might let it slide. But, no way would I tolerate it again.

If I were you, I would "believe" that you would be better off without him.

Answer 9

I think when he says those means things, it's probably the way he feels about your most recent actions, not his opinion on you overall. So if he say's "you're a b****" he probably means "you're being a b****" not that you actually are a b****. Get it? Also, he may only see it that way when he says it. Later, after he thinks about it, he may see he was wrong and his opinion on your behavior at the time might change, and it might not.

Answer 10

Some people do & some people don't. Mostly they don't even remember what they say when they are mad. Do you truly mean everything you say when you are mad? I know I don't, it's just a release of pent up emotions once I get through I'm alright 5 minutes later. If he says he doesn't mean it maybe he doesn't.