I have been with my bf for 2.5months(i am21,hes24)I am his first GF in 2YRS.I could tell he REALLY liked me in the beginning.he took me to meet his parents and friends and invited me EVERWHERE.About a month ago,he started acting really distant and i started to not see him as much(like 1 time a week).Last weekend,he really opened up to me and told me how his ex cheated on him and how he wants to get his life together,then he goes out drinking all the time.I had a talk withhim on Monday about how I feel like he doesnt care about me now,and how i would like to see him more.he was understanding at first,but then said he wanted space,that hes scared and thinks we are moving too fast!also said that he does really care about me and he isnt going anywhere.He told me he would think about this and call me back.i havent talked to him since,and havent tried calling.I want to give him time to think about this,BUT how much more time should I give him?and why is he acting like this?SHOULD I CALL??
2007-03-22 17:38:16 · 22 answers · asked by sallyh 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Go for it girl what are you waiting for Christmas .. See what he is up to ... go see him at his parents house with a little gift or something and tell him how you feel good luck
2007-03-22 17:43:01 · answer #1 · answered by j13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart. I know this is not the answer you are hoping for but, he is lying through his teeth. I don't advise it because you don't need to waste any more time on him but, if you were to check up on his story, you would almost certainly find out that it was he that did the cheating. I mean, this guy can't even come up with an original excuse. He uses the one that all of us boys learned in Jr. High school.
I have said this in answering another Question here on Yahoo answers and I am going to repeat myself,
"the one who cares the most... is the most vulnerable"
For you to call him is like sending up a white flag. Whether he stomps it now or stomps it later, if you give this man your heart, you will have nothing but misery.
This stuff really p*sses me off at my fellow men. It is obvious that you were willing to sacrifice a lot for the likes of him. He allowed, even lured you in, only to hurt you in this manner...
One more thing. Pay close attention. Don't judge all men by the actions of this guy. I know how happy you must have been to finally find a man that felt like the right guy. Someone that treated you like you were meant to be treated. He was never the right guy. He was someone that he isn't. Someone that he could not imitate for longer than a few months then had to bail before he was found out.
He has left you feeling insecure and you are going to have a battle with yourself the next time "Mr Right" comes along. You will have a tendency to not trust your feelings as you did 2 and a half months ago nor be as prone to trust him.
Don't let this man turn you into someone you do not want to be. Continue to believe in yourself. Try not to ponder where it all went wrong. Because the truth of the matter is, this was never right.
2007-03-23 00:44:57 · answer #2 · answered by terterryterter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! Sorry you're going through this.
You can't, unfortunately, make anyone else feel the way you want them to, or fix them. It's clear that right now, he's kind of a mess. You can care, but you can't fix it - he has to get over past hurts and figure out what he wants.
Which may or may not be you. Thing is, pressing him for anything at this point will probably just cause him to flee. Since you care for him, and for yourself, maybe it's time to lessen the pressure he seems to feel.
Call? Sure. But not "well, have you figured this out yet?" No pressure. Any pressure you put on him will drive him away for sure at this point. Call when you can be calm. Keep it short and don't get drawn into any drama. Just tell him "I care about you, and I hope we can see each other again, but I think you really need some room to figure out what it is you want. When you want to see me, give me a call - but I'm going to go ahead and go about my life and give you some room."
Then you do that. You get involved in new things, meet new people, reconnect with friends you haven't seen in a while - because waiting by the phone can drive you nuts.
If, once the pressure's off, he comes to miss you enough, he'll call, and you can decide then if you want to revisit this relationship or not. If he doesn't, then you won't have wasted time/energy/attention going crazy, so you'll be able to bless him and let him go, knowing that what you want is someone who wants to be with you, who is happy to be with you.
Maybe him, maybe someone else. Good luck!
2007-03-23 00:48:26 · answer #3 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"If you love it, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours, if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be." He sounds really confused and insecure. Rightfully so, he was in a relationship where the person he cared about most betrayed him. Like I have explained, once ONE person in a relationship is unfaithful, it ruins it for anyone else that comes along. At the same time, what he is going through is not your problem. It is something he has to come to terms with before he can heal and move on to a relationship. I would suggest that you do exactly what he wishes and give him space. I would also suggest that you not go out of your way to call him. Do not dwell over this and let it consume your life. It will be hard, I know. Been there done that. But you have to stop thinking about him and start focusing on you and what is best for you. This boy in your life is not what is best for you right here and now. You don't want to deal with someone who is confused, you want someone who deserves your time and who knows where he is headed in his life and if that plan includes you. So please, cry, mourn, and try to move on the best you can. This boyfriend does not deserve to be with you at this moment in time. Time heals all wounds, so maybe he will come around, but don't get your hopes up if he does not. You have a life to live too. You deserve someone who can give you their undivided attention with no emotional baggage. Good luck!
2007-03-23 00:49:25 · answer #4 · answered by Melissa M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
His feelings for you have changed and he is afraid to tell you to your face-- he is waiting for a few more days of you pulling your hair out to call you and tell you that he "needs his space" and things were "moving too fast"---we have ALL been there-- yes, we have and we hated hearing what I'm going to tell you right now, but I am grateful I did hear it when I needed to: IF SOMEONE WHO YOU CONSIDER TO BE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER AT ANY TIME IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, ALL OF A SUDDEN DECIDES THAT THINGS ARE MOVING TOO QUICKLY, YOU'RE SEEING TOO MUCH OF EACHOTHER, MAYBE WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE---it is their chicken little way to say good bye to you and that you don't mean as much to them as they first thought you did---it hurts, it hurts like hell, he led you on.... you met his PARENTS right off the bat, he gave you all the signs that he was sincere in his feelings for you and IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT--- this guy falls in one category and that is the ASSHOLE CATEGORY-- excuse my language but I cannot think of a more fitting word for a person who treats another person whom they shared memorable moments and plenty of quality of time with.
If you are strong enough, don't even take his call, when he does call, and it will be about 5-7 days from when he said he will call. Don't mention his name to your friends, his friends and any mutual friends. Pretend he didn't exist---and THIS will be your revenge because your behavior of completely "erasing" him from your memory will get back to him and it will haunt him, hopefully long enough before he meets another girl and does the same to her.....guys are like puppies- they are not all potty trained and are not all well behaved-- their mothers can only train them to a certain degree, women have to do the rest-- unfortunately you were his first trainer.....good luck to you.......but you are much wiser now and you will see the "signs" of the nontrained puppy and will stay clear of them.
2007-03-23 00:55:35 · answer #5 · answered by mac 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is likely that is is not over his ex and when he started a relationship with you he really wanted it to work. But since he is still in love with her most probably, he compared your relationship to his last to the point that it imploded. Often times when we are hurt, we try to hurry into something new without thinking and when the smoke clears you realize its not what you really want. Also, he me be afraid to get close now after what happened in his last relationship. I am somewhat going through that myself. I haven't dated anyone seriously in a year and a half since my ex cheated on me. I have become more selective and very wary of just allowing myself to fall into a relationship
2007-03-23 00:45:55 · answer #6 · answered by yourbachelor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either he is just not that into you, or he's not ready for a serious relationship,or he's playing you. If he's drinking you are talking to the alcohol.period. I would call and ask to get together.Keep it calm cool and collected,but
See if he makes an effort if not let it go. It takes two committed people to be in a relationship.
Your the only one in this one.Give it some time don't rush.
2007-03-23 00:49:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Boy, that's a tough one. It definitely sounds as if your bf is confused.
But you know, I think if you really like him and want to keep him, you should probably call. Be prepared for more heartache. But just in case someone else is trying to lure him away, not calling would perhaps allow this to happen without any protest from you. He might not really know that he feels as strongly about you as he does, until you get in there and fight for him!
That's my take on it...Good luck!
2007-03-23 00:47:38 · answer #8 · answered by Poppy7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is scared to get hurt again. He wants to be with you but he is having to thank twice b/c he is scared your going to treat him like his ex did. Well I say you should call him..and simply ask him do you want more space b/c your afraid im going to hurt you like your ex did? Just try and get him to trust you more and dont break the poor guys heart. You can already tell it tore him up so much, things like that effect someone so much. Good luck
2007-03-23 00:42:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
SOUNDS LIKE THE TYPICAL I GOT WHAT I WANTED AND ITS TIME TO GO EXCUSE!!!! Whenever a person puts on a show like that and introduces you to his folks and takes you out and all of a sudden he tells you after nearly 3 months about his ex cheating on him. What kind of BS is that? You got involved with an alcoholic, or a druggie who is a compulsive liar and conman. He led you on and now he wants his space. TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS SPACE AND SHOVE IT!!!! HES A LOSER AND HE PLAYED YOU. LET THE FOOL GO AND FIND SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T USE A WEAK EXCUSE LIKE THAT TO LET YOU GO. REMEMBER KARMA IS A BIT-H...WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. DONT WASTE YOUR BREATH AND PHONE CALLS ON HIM. HES ONLY GOING TO BRING YOU DOWN AND USE YOU. I GOT YOUR BACK, PAPA HANK
2007-03-23 00:50:42 · answer #10 · answered by papa_hanko 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋