Relationship issues with my fiance?

Question

I'm engaged and my fiance and I are very much in love with each other.

However, for some reason, he's having a big issue with the fact that I'm the only one he's ever had sex with, while I've slept with other guys (before we got together & while we were broken up... i didn't cheat on him or anything). For some reason, it makes him feel inadequate & like he's missing out.

Even though I've told him a million times that I regret being with other guys (it's caused me problems that i'd rather not discuss here), he still doesn't get it. It's gotten to the point where he keeps wondering what it might be like to "even things out" and he almost went through with it about a month ago.

What can we do about this???

We're not getting married until after college, which will be a couple more years.

Answer 1

He is immature. Hold the wedding off until he matures. Pre-marital counseling would also be recommended. Get everything out in the open and solve it before the vows.

Answer 2

This is a delicate situation.

As a man, he probably feels that he should try other girls before he settles. He wouldn’t probably be thinking about it that much if you didn’t have any experience with other guys either.

If he really loves you, he will not do something stupid. Still it is going to be in his mind. It can also be a good excuse (so he thinks) to have sex with a girl or two for a one night stand.

Again, if he is serious about he relation and he loves you for real, he shouldn’t do anything. But it could be a problem in the long run as it will stay in the background inside his head.

It all depends on how open minded you are. Still, I would suggest doing something that might be dangerous, but could also loose the tension inside his head. What you could do is tell him, that even when you don’t approve for him to cheat, and that includes to just have sex, even when there is no feelings involved, you do understand how he feels, and want to help him out. So, you would tell him that you are not going to tell him not to have sex with anybody else, and that if he ever fells like this is going to happen, to let you know, because on top of all, you both should be honest.

This will give him “green light” to have sex with another girl, but at the same time, he knows not two important things: you don’t want it to happen as it will hurt you deeply, but also you are willing to do a big sacrifice because you love him and understand him too.

Unless he is a jerk, I bet you he will not do anything, as he should understand there how serious you are about loving him. And then he should do the same sacrifice and stay away form any other girl. The problem will be in his head still, but it now has a purpose: is his sacrifice.

Don’t do this if you think he will do it and you will not forgive him. You can only use this option if you agree that if he actually does it, then you must live with it, either forgiving him (as you actually gave him permission) or you leave him then if you think he is not worth it.

Nobody is perfect, but we all can try to understand each other and make sacrifices for the person we love. I am giving this advice because I went thought the same with my Wife, in this case I was her first one. It did work, with some big and minor problems, but it worked, but I rather keep this to myself.

Is up to you and him to decide where the limits are, and how to handle this.

Good luck.

Answer 3

What u can do is put of a wedding, and realize that if he almost went through with sleeping with someone else, that he is not emotionally or mentally ready for marriage. He is using your past sex life to make excuses for the fact that he still wants to have sex with other people. You guys need to put the breaks on wedding plans and really talk about what it is he wants, because it sounds like he does not want just you.

Answer 4

You 2 might desire to talk, she is probable exploring the probabilities of finding somebody else till she properly-knownshows out which you the two are relatively made for the different, yet which will in basic terms take place the not straightforward way, its annoying for you sure yet once you fairly love her, permit her flow loose and sure its not straightforward i comprehend i've got been there yet while she is properly the only she would be waiting to return back to you back, she must be confident which you will love her unconditionally no count her errors are and the strategies she makes and if she finally ends up not coming back in any respect its because of the fact there is somebody extra effective waiting for you alongside the line. Its not straightforward so be arranged cus it hurts yet have continuously slightly of religion undergo in recommendations it continuously get darker till now anew solar shinny day beggins!!!! you will see the sunshine, permit your heart instruction manual you.

Answer 5

Maybe some counseling, to talk out the problems. You should really get this worked on, or he might continue with this issue and still try to "even the score" after you are married, and you don't want that..good luck

Answer 6

Let him go see what it might be like. With another woman. At least he won't be throwing it at you later when you guys are married. Maybe he will see it is not all that it is made out to be. Tell him you want him to go out and do whatever he wants. If it makes him happy or so that he doesn't feel 'left out'. Good luck to you both.

Answer 7

He may not be ready to get married yet. if he has already almost strayed and you are not married it is a major red flag. I would suggest sitting down and having a serious talk about it, or letting him go till he really realizes what he wants.

Answer 8

If he feels this way you should defiantly not get married. If he truly loved you he wouldn't want to sleep with other girls " to even the score" that seem a bit odd. I would let him go that's something you shouldn't have to deal with.

Answer 9

I would suggest trying out an open relationship, if you could both be okay with that, or arrange a plan that you would both be okay with. You don't want his insecurities and doubts to cause him to back out of what could be a beautiful future.

Answer 10

It is an ego thing that will live with you forever. And his going out to even it out will not work. He will be disappointed and still be jealous.