Husband constantly insults me, should I leave?

Question

I'm 20 years old and I've been married for 6 months. My husband is constantly insulting me and when I get mad he says that it was a joke and I need to stop watching America's Next Top Model and Girlfriends because the rowdy women on these shows make me rowdy. He tries to make it seem like I'm being ridiculous for getting upset and somehow it's never his fault. Like today, I saw a picture of a guy and said he looked like my brother (who he's never met)and his response was "well your brother must be ugly". I got mad and told him that it was rude and he says there was nothing wrong with what he said. I'm really sick of it and I'm thinking when our lease is up I will move into my own place. What should I do? I'm tired of this and I'm beginning to think something is wrong with him in the brain! We argue constantly because he's constantly insulting me or my family.

I just want to say for the people who say I'm too young to be married, no not really, I know people who've got married at 18 and are still together after like 8 years so my age isn't necessarily the problem in our marriage, and telling me I'm to young to be married is not good advice because I'm already married so what's the point in telling me that?? Are you saying I should get a divorce and write on the papers that the reason I'm getting divorced is because I'm too young to be married?? that wouldn't make any sense. Whether a person is ready for marriage is based on their relationship with their partner and their personal maturity, not the date on their birth certificate. My husband turned out to be less mature than I realized. Also, he hasn't met my brother because my brother lives in another country and I live in the U.S. and he wasn't able to come to the wedding. So before anyone tries to accuse me of something please have all the facts straight. Don't make assumptions.

Answer 1

Your husband has issues, He's a manipulative bully. Your self esteem is being destroyed bit by bit. At the very least it is disrespectful.
Get counselling either for yourself or preferably as a couple and if he doesn't change - Leave.
You are 20. Imagine 20 more years of daily insults and being made to feel stupid for taking offense. You deserve better.

Answer 2

He is a moron that needs to learn good manners. That’s all.

If you think he loves you and you do love him, then you need to have a serious and adult talk about this kind of things. You don’t like it, you don’t appreciate it, so he must do something about it, or the relation will not work too long.

You can also ask him if there is something he doesn’t like about you or that you do or say. This is an adult conversation, no fights, no joking, be serious and honest, and ask him to do the same.

Unless he is a jerk and doesn’t really care about you, he should agree and hopefully he will try to change, at least a little bit.

Otherwise, be ready to end the relation as it will be on time. Later will be too late if kids show up and you could end up attached for life to a man that doesn’t respect you.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Sometimes guys don't think before they speak, it's not excuse but it still happens. Try to look at WHY he feels he needs to make these comments. 1)This might just be the person he is and his character 2)Maybe he really is just joking and he likes to get you angry 3)Maybe he doesn't realize the full extent of his words. Try sitting down with him and talking to him, however, if you're at the point of leaving , something tells me you've TRIED the whole talking thing before and it just hasn't worked. Sometimes issues like this are best to talk about with a couple's counselor. If this doesn't help, well, i hate to say it but you have to leave. Leaving might seem drastic but if your husband isn't making you feel confident , beautiful, and HELPING YOUR LIFE then that only means that he's making your life worse and who needs that? Divorce is so high because people get married young (you're only twenty) and don't truly know the REAL person they're marrying and then they find out they don't like characteristics about that person. Either talk it out with him or save yourself the drama and leave. Divorce isn't that expensive

Answer 4

I'm 20 also I got married in November so ive been married for about 5 months and everyone has told me that if you can make it the first 6 months of marriage it will work out but if you dont it wont. I know how you feel though my husband does that too but I think it's just an immaturity issue they're just not caught up with us yet, I'm still waiting for my husband to grow up and realize how disrespectful he can be sometimes. Good luck.

Answer 5

Yes, leave if he can not change.Of course give him a chance.
You need to talk to him. You need to let him know that
1) It upsets you and that you are insulted by his comments.
2) He is the leader of the family and if he is really upset about something else he can share it with you.
Don't take this crap from him at the same time you have to work with his fragile male ego. If all goes right your relationship will be stronger. If he does not respond Change Him to the Game and move on. Also do not think about marriage for 5 years.

Answer 6

Why would you want to be in a relationship that you are always being belittled? He is abusive just not in the way that they show on Lifetime. I was in an abusive relationship and I got out b/c I was pregnant. One day I realized that my daughter would see they way he treats me and see that as acceptable. I wouldn't want my child to live the way that I did. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You should tell him how you feel one last time and set boundaries. Tell him that when he crosses them, again, which he most likely will, you will have to be ready to stand your ground. If he loved you he wouldn't want you hurt.Insecure people try to bring others down so they look better. As long as you are with him, you'll only be as happy as he lets you.

Answer 7

Ok. First I would suggest talking to him. If he says that you should stop watching thoses shows then tell him i will if you stop watching football,baseball, and basketball. (and or nething else that is related to sports he watches) Also tell him. i dont appresiate you insulting my family and me. If you don't stop once our lease is over im leaving. NO questions asked. IF he says he will try then try if he doesn't stop then leave. Im telling you the truth stand up to him. Don't be afraid. If he trys to hit youthen call the police and move out right away dont even wait for the lease let him deal with it. good luck = )

Answer 8

I can see this hurts you and your consideration of getting your own place may be a next step. It need not come to that if you can insult him back. Believe me, men are bigger buffoons than the fairer sex, and I'm sure you could come up with some material. The key thing here is to see if he can dish it out but can't take it. If he can't, then he's a jerk and you would do well to consider the logistics and advantes of leaving. He's not the only friggin' fish in the sea.

Answer 9

He seems to think it is funny.So just tell him that the rude remarks are not funny and you do not like to hear them.He is not showing you respect by insulting you.Tell him the next time he has a rude remark to take a minute before he says anything and come up with something pleasant to say.

Answer 10

i feel so sorry for you first of all you are too young to be going through such hardship, you never mentioned his age but by the way you described him he's very immature and childish, he probably feels that he made a big mistake by getting married and wants to annoy you until you do finally let him go! let him know how much it hurts you and if he doesn't show any consideration for your feelings after you let him know how you feel, then get out of it while your still young, admit you made a big mistake and move on....it seems he has a lot of growing to do! cynthia