I am married but I dont love him anymore.He says that nobody would put up with me if I left.I am afraid to live alone.I hate being alone.At times I imagine having my condo and my job.Doing the things I like alone and It makes me happy but what if its true that nobody can love me for me and I end up alone the rest of my life.I dont have any friends so I am asking you guys.I have no family either.Thank you very much.
2007-03-22 17:12:04 · 20 answers · asked by nuvision93952 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leave him. Imagine being free to do whatever you want. Imagine how proud of yourself you will be to be self sufficient and strong. You know, dont you, that your husband tells you those things because it's the opposite of the truth, and he's trying to keep you there. Honestly, people flock to happy, successful people. If you leave, and take care of yourself, and get that condo, and follow your dreams, you will attract friends and wont be alone. You only get one life. Make those changes so you wont look back when you're old, and regret staying in a loveless abusive marriage. please.
2007-03-22 17:19:54 · answer #1 · answered by Penny P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's trying to scare you by telling you that nobody would put up with you if you left, because he wants you to react just the way you are reacting.
First of all - YOU need to love you. You don't need anyone else right away. You have a job and YES you can be happy living in a condo by yourself. What you have to tell yourself right now is that there are worse things than living alone, and right now where you are is worse.
Take the step, and everything else will follow. When you are feeling good about yourself again, you will undoubtedly meet someone new. There's no rush to go out and find someone else right away. Find yourself :)
2007-03-23 00:27:18 · answer #2 · answered by Plexed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never allow yourself to settle for anything because you believe you cannot do any better. The best part of it all is proving others wrong sometimes. You need to build some confidence and learn to love yourself a little more. I would suggest being on your own for awhile and learning as much as you can about yourself. Then your ability to tell the difference between wants and needs will help you to find someone who will truly love you for you.
-NmD!
2007-03-23 00:23:36 · answer #3 · answered by NoMaD! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Falling out of love ...
Actually, that is quite common.
Many people marry those they are infatuated with, rather than in love with. I
nfatuation is based on strong physical attrction & emotions (often tied to their hopes, rather than reality).
True love is based on sound principles, realistic goals, and a mature, realistic outlook on life.
It takes work both to build true love, & to maintain it.
Yet, it can bring a satisfaction that walking away can never give.
Can We Save Our Marriage?
- Trapped in a Loveless Marriage
- Why Does Love Fade?
- Is There Reason for Hope?
- Your Marriage Can Be Saved!
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2001/1/8/article_01.htm
If a marriage can be salvaged, it is worth the effort of both to do so. Even if there is no 'head-over-heels' love on either side, & even if only one seems interested in trying ...
Why View Marriage as Sacred?
- Love and Respect
- Time and Attention
- Avoid a Casual View
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2004/5/8a/article_01.htm
From your description, it sounds like both of you need how to lern to be good friends to one another. In the best of marriages, the partners are best friends first & foremost. So , I encourage you to begin working on those areas yourself.
How to Make Real Friends :
- We All Need Friends
- Satisfying Our Hunger for Friendship
- Good Friends--Bad Friends
http://watchtower.org/e/20041208/article_01.htm
The better that one learns how to be a friend, the more desirous others become of their friendship. One's own improvements can rub off on others, too.
Wholesome Communication--A Key to a Good Marriage
- What Wholesome Communication Involves
- Obstacles to Wholesome Communication
- How to Promote Wholesome Communication
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1999/7/15a/article_01.htm
My guess is that you are feeling lonely even though with your husband. Regarding this, there are several good points to be considered in:
What You Can Do About Loneliness http://www.watchtower.org/e/20040608/diagram_01.htm
The next one is also very helpful ...
though not always so easy to put into practice at first!: (;
Should I Apologize? :
- Why Is It So Hard to Apologize?
- Apologizing--A Key to Making Peace
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2002/11/1/article_01.htm
This one doesn't sound like it completely relates to your situation, but I want you to see what the outcome of taking the initiative to make improvements in your own life can lead to ...
"Sometimes I Think I Am Dreaming!"
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20011108/diagram_03.htm
One more suggestion ...
The next article may help you to understand yourself better, as to why you have developed low self worth, and can also help you to perhaps explain (or show) how the derogatory statements made to you leave you feeling (much as they affect children). Many people don't have a clue how their actions or words affect others, and we need to assert ourselves, & calmly explain our feelings to them ...
Harsh Words--Crushed Spirits
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/1997/8/8/article_01.htm
Whatever else you do,
"Make Sure of all things --and-- Hold Fast to what is Fine!"
2007-03-23 06:25:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
now think about it, how could possibly KNOW nobody else would put up with you, girl the reason he said that is because hes grasping for straws to get you to stay, its a control thing, pick your confidence up and walk straight with your head up and tell him "well no one would put up with your *** either" If you no longer love him then there is no reason for you to stay. its ok to leave, you will find and make new friends and someone would be happy to be with you someday, so the first step is walking out on him the rest will just fall into place, good luck and if you dont have any friends i would be glad to be your email buddy cthdunn@yahoo.com. be strong
2007-03-23 00:21:44 · answer #5 · answered by Sparky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is emotional abuse when one partner says nobody would put up with you....that is BS. He's probably actually scared no one will put up with his crap! Wouldn't being alone be better than being miserable anyway? Get on out of there and get your condo and enjoy your job and LIVE your life! Make new friends .....you shouldn't waste one single day of your precious time on this Earth!
2007-03-23 00:16:57 · answer #6 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like hes trying to make you feel bad for leaving him, if you dont love him anymore i dont see why your still with him
im sure there is somebody out there for you, there is for everybody, you just have to wait and give it some time, you need to learn how to have more confidence and learn to love yourself more before anyone can love you, it would be easier that way, and maybe you should go out and meet some people, its hard at first but you will get the hang of it, hopefully you meet the right people, if you would like to talk gohead and reply back,
take care
<3
2007-03-23 00:25:13 · answer #7 · answered by Oreo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy then go on with your life.He told you that so you would be afraid of leaving and starting over.He does not know who you will find to love you.You do have friends at work.The bad part about starting over is not knowing what will be next in your life.You are doing yourself bad by staying with someone you do not love,and you will never find love by staying there.
2007-03-23 02:49:38 · answer #8 · answered by junior1108 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if no one will put up with you then why is he maybe he just said that to make you stay with him you must love yourself first until you can do that you will not be able to truly love any one else ask yourself what it is about you that you don't like and then set out to change it and for heaven sack make some friends that will make you feel better about your self good luck and have a happy life
2007-03-23 00:24:27 · answer #9 · answered by teadropsue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give yourself some space and time alone and away from your hubby. take some time to do some self reflecting and really enjoying your needs. just make sure you don't burn bridges with you hubby. hopefully, there will come a time that you'll realize or find out if you truly love him and need him in your life. you'd rather "be happy alone than miserable with someone" ;) good luck!
2007-03-23 00:19:24 · answer #10 · answered by simple 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋