How do I deal?

Question

One of my closest friends just died. He was one of the greatest friends that I've ever had and he was always like a brother to me. Now that he is gone it hurts a lot, but I'm not sure what to do or how to react. At first it just felt like this couldn't be happening and it couldn't be real, and then it hit me, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say to anyone around me right now. I love him so much and I miss him tons. Please help me, I'm confused about how to feel, my brain is sort of numb to it all right now.

He died in a dirt biking accident this weekend. :(

Answer 1

I am really sorry to hear of your loss. Right now your feelings are normal. When someone close to you dies it can take a long time to get over it. Don't let anyone tell you how you are supposed to react or feel. It takes time to get over things. Right now its normal to feel good and bad as you remember all the good times you had and how much you miss him. He will always be in your heart. Some days you'll feel normal and others you will feel like your drowning in pain. Slowly you will be able to think and talk about him with warmth but for now just let your self feel and talk about it as much as little as YOU need. Maybe today its okay to feel numb and tomorrow something else. Hope you will be okay.

Answer 2

I am sorry, and the trick to dealing is there really isn't any. We look for things to take the place of the vacancy left by love ones and feel that there is something we must do. In reality, those feelings are just the minds way of taking our focus off of the hurt we feel. The hurt will desipate and go away with time. Each period of time healing from hurt varies with how it affects the body those from love being the top of the list. Do not worry you will be fine and sometimes an activity to help your mind heal that area instead of the constant memory keeping the place open. It is ok to do other things and maybe it is a good time to add something different to your life that will take up more room in your brain and call for additional activity and thought, a new hobby perhaps that is new and you know nothing about and you need to learn some basics to do it. Whatever you chose is probably not important. What is important is that the place where he is in your heart and mind be allowed some inactivity so it can heal back to a functional state and make u whole again.

Answer 3

omg im so sorry 4 ur loss, well I can't tell u how ur supposed 2 feel u know? I understand how u could feel cause ive lost friends 2 not close friends but u know just some friends and I understand it feels surreal and the next day u feel like it was all a bad dream and its understandable that u feel the way u do and u know what? the best thing is to talk about it let it out. I understand it was a recent loss but u'll learn 2 deal w/ it its a part of life it sucks 2 go through it but we have all gone through it and if ppl ask u about it and u don't feel like talking about it then don't until u feel comfortable in doing so well take care I hope I helped =)

Answer 4

First of all I am so sorry. Death is a very hard thing to deal with and understand and especially one that effects you so closely. The best thing to do is to keep his memory alive. Meet up with a mutual friend and just spend some time talking about memories that you shared with him. Laugh a lot and cry a lot. Both will help you to feel less stressed and confused.

Its good that the reality of the situation has hit you. Make sure not to let it get surreal. It did really happen, he is really gone. Its okay to be sad and angry. Its okay to hate what killed him. If you're going to kick and scream, get it over with and let it out. Then just remember what an amazing friend he was and how he will always be in your heart.

Don't act like everything is normal. This is very hard time for you and its okay to be vulnerable. Best of luck and if you need anything you can talk to me. ([e-mail])

Hang in there.

Answer 5

First of all, my condolences to you. I truly know how you feel. I, too, lost someone like you're describing in October, 2004. Mary died of cancer and she was my closest friend, confidante, sometimes the little sister I never had, and sometimes a mother figure that I needed. I just bought the house I live in now and I have put up a "Mary Wall" with some of my favorite pictures of her, some of her favorite things such as her favorite cowboy hat, her cane, and some other things. You never "get over" a death, especially one that is sudden and unexpected. Lean on your closest friends and keep his memory alive and fresh. Don't let yourself over-grieve-that's not healthy. Carry on with his memory in this way and time will take of everything else.
BEST WISHES!

Answer 6

Talk about it, talk about it talk about it. Remember all the fun you had, admit that it hurts, find others to help you. Remember something about the that was "just them". Their favorite phrase, etc and do what ever you need to to keep their memory alive. There are some great grief support groups out there. There is no certain way to "act", way of talking etc. We all deal with grief in a different way, and go through the process in a different order. Be prepared to be angry at him, its one of the stages of grief. Obviously your not saying how he died. If it was in such away that would leave you feeling guilty, like maybe you should have seen it coming, don't beat yourself up over that. We all make our own choices in this life. Keep talking about him, keep his memories alive in little ways, and allow things to happen in their own time. Keep yourself healthy, and by all means finding a professional to talk to about depression or other behaviors that aren't "normal" for you. Bless you in your time and I'm always telling people to remember that sometimes its ok to just breath for a while, especially if you feel like thats all your capable of right then.

Answer 7

We're very sorry for your loss. I lost a friend in 1985 and was in a daze for about 3 months. Being around close friends helped in processing the greef. The initial shock is natural and its OK if you dont know what to say or how to react. Please be thankful that you knew him and know you still have close friends and family. Best Wishes

Answer 8

do what ever makes you comfortable. i went through the same thing Feb. 10 2003, and when it finally hit me all i did was cry. it didn't matter who i was tlking to or what the subject was, something would remind me of her and i would loose it. i can say that talking about all the things that you remember and miss about him will help some,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it did me, and still does(you'll never ever forget the love you feel for someone that's that close to you)

Answer 9

i had something kinda like that happen to me. it really sucks!!

first off, if you need to cry, cry. weather it is at night or on a really good friend/family members shoulder.

then, try and have some fun life will go on, maybe youll see him in heaven after you die.

talk to a good friend or a counselor and maybe they can help.

if no1 else can help, e-mail me at [e-mail]

Answer 10

first you should just give your self time to chill think about good things that make you happy and dont stop grieving its good for you but after about 2 weeks you should try to move on.