I had our second baby four months ago, and I'm the first to admit I still have a tummy - I am never given a break to go to the gym or anything either.
Well, today my beloved husband came home with a gift for me - a girdle! He seemed to think I should think it was a wonderful, thoughtful gift, so I acted like it didn't hurt my feelings, but it did! I know it will take some work and a few more months to get rid of the baby tummy, but until then I was just accepting that this is the body of a woman who's had a baby, and he said so too... What am I to think?
What do you think?
2007-03-22 16:31:37 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well you have to remember that he meant it as a loving gensture ,he would never want to make you feel horrible for giving him a baby, the most wonderful gift of all, you just went through a normal part of a woman's life, a beautiful thing, sometimes it takes women a little longer to loose the weight, don't feel bad hun, you've got a loving husband (who was trying to be nice lol) and two kids, you are extremely lucky, and i'm happy for you! you'll loose the weight, just enjoy your new baby and family!
2007-03-22 16:38:30 · answer #1 · answered by MariPari 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
While he may have meant well, it was a very insensitive thing to do. Your body has undergone many changes the past few months and evidently he has been looking at People where it shows some movie star that lost the "baby weight" in about 2 weeks. That is with the help of a nanny and trainer at the gym and probably someone to slide a gourmet low calorie meal under your nose. If he hasn't made any hurtful comments, I would just let it go. If he has patted your tummy and asked when this was going away, I would tell him that you are going to call about a gym membership and he can stay home with the kids while you exercise.
2007-03-22 16:37:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, it really sounds like your husband's intetions were good. I think that we (men) are wired to be 'problem fixers' more than very good at relationships. And, there are a lot of 'voices' in our lives (parents, teachers, religiouse leadrers) who reinforce our basic wiring to be 'overfunctioners'. Give us an external problem ... and we'll get rid of it. We think that fixing things is our job; and, that its the the way we're supposed to show our love?
I think I can imagine, if I were a wife, how being given a girdle could be an offense to my female sensuality; especially after I'd just gone through the amazing work of childbirth and felt all the pressures of a new baby at home ... and I just needed time for my 'self'. God bless your heart. But, as a husband, I also know the well-intended compulsion of wanting to help fix things; even when my solutions are completely rediculouse to my wife. I'm so 'thick'!!
I think your husband loves you very much; and gave the girdle as a temproary fix ... rather than a long term solution. It's to your credit that he felt safe enough in your intimacy to be able to do it. We're thick ... but even men know that one of the benefits of nursing a baby is that its nature's way of helping our lovers recover from all the pysical changes that happen during a pregnency. But, even with exercise it usually takes about 12 months. Hmmm ... how can we help our women druing that recovery? Viola ... a girdle is the fix (smile)!!
But really, it won't hurt anything to tell your husband about your feelings. He'll feel a little stupid ... and incompetent. But, I think he needs to know that what you really want is time for going to the gym ... instead of the girdle. Love to you both. Great question!
2007-03-22 17:38:40 · answer #3 · answered by Sultan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I know it hurt your feelings, but I sincerely think he was just trying to help. Men are always looking for a quick fix to their women's problems. I know my husband is terrified to talk to me about my body since I had my two children because we tend to be overly sensitive about how we look, especially when it's impossible to get five minutes to change it. I'm sure he recognizes that your time is limited, and losing that baby weight is hard! He was probably thinking that he could boost your confidence in the meantime, and believe it or not he's telling you he loves you just the way you are. He just wants you to like how you look too. I know it hurt your feelings, but remember that having a baby makes you a more sensitive (emotional) person too, and he really didn't mean to give you the wrong impression, I'm sure of it. Men think differently than women. He saw you were uncomfortable with that "new mom body" and he thought he could fix it by helping you feel "skinny again" It has nothing to do with what he thinks of your body, just a male "see a problem-fix it" response. It's a gesture of love.
2007-03-22 16:45:15 · answer #4 · answered by Irish 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Id be very insulted and hurt too, you are right in what you say about a womans body after childbirth. If it were me, I would put that girdle on the next time he wanted to get intimate. Just go to bed naked except for the girdle, and if he asks why youre wearing it, Id say, "Well I assumed since you gave me the girdle you dont like how my body looks and I dont want to displease you."
2007-03-22 16:38:02 · answer #5 · answered by Lauren J 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think its a pretty thoughtless gift. Tell him the truth, that it hurt your feelings. You just had a baby. You are supposed to have a little extra weight. Its going to take time. Tell him to take the girdle back, and go buy you some jewlery- now THATS a gift. You just gave HIM the biggest gift in the world....a CHILD. And he gives you a freaking GIRDLE? Thats absolute crap. He needs to get a clue.
2007-03-22 16:36:57 · answer #6 · answered by Penny P 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a womans immediate response to be offended. Don't be. He was buying you a gift becasue he thought you would appreciate and could use it. I think its a great gift...and I bet you will use it, (If you ever get to go out having a newborn and all). He did it of considerstion and kindness with the best of intentions. Don;t be angry, take advantage. He doesnt want you different as you dont want to be different. With all this said though, i would tell him, to lighten up, its not coming off in a week. Then ask him to exercise and diet with you.HA!
2007-03-22 16:44:12 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to know whether he's just clueless but sincere or he's just an insensitive b****. If he laughed when he gave it to you then he's a b*****. Also a 'b' if you said he gave it to you so you'd stop complaining about your post-partum figure. But if he's usually a nice, caring guy, it may be that he thought he was being helpful. If he's a 'b' I'd give him one of the above mentioned gag gifts and would add the following as a choice: A men's bra to hide any sign of man boobies.
2007-03-22 16:48:30 · answer #8 · answered by PDY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he thought the way it made you look would make you feel better about your body, men can be dumb like that sometimes. They don't have the same logic that we do, and don't understand why some things upset us so much.
I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you, and thought he was helping. Just tell him the truth, but nicely. Thank him for trying to be helpful, but make sure he understands how it made you feel and why. Try not to be too hard on him, though. I'm sure he had good intentions.
2007-03-22 17:01:23 · answer #9 · answered by kiera70 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow!!! I can not believe he gave you a girdle as a 'gift'....You really need to let him know how much it hurt your feelings and ask him what he was thinking to give this to you as a gift...I am still in shock about this...wow !!! Would he like a toupee when he goes bald??? lots of prayers for you dear .. forget dropping hints to him about what makes a woman feel sexy..he hasen't got a clue..give him a book on a woman's needs.
2007-03-22 16:39:38 · answer #10 · answered by rebecca 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋