14 years old and pregnant.... please read..?

Question

well i am 14. i had this boyfriend we broke up but we are still friends.. I am thinking i am pregnant. I am 22 days late for my peroid and there are other siggns. I cnt get a test right now so please dont suggest that.. My ex is saying he isnt ready for a baby and he wants me to get an abortion or give it up for adoption. I told him i dont want to do that and he was like well i am not ready to be a father (he is 16). I told him that he didnt have to help with the baby and all ill take care of it. And "he said i am the man soo i am responcible and i cant take care of a baby and eather can you. we dont have jobs.. soo i want you to give it up for adoption..or get an abortion.. what should i do.. i rele wanna keep this baby but he doesnt want me to.. what should i do.. please help me..
i kno were not old enogh to have this baby but still i want it. please help and dont be mean..

Answer 1

First, let me begin by saying...who gives a sh*t what your ex-bf says or wants to do. It isn't his decision to make, it is yours.

You seem to show a decent amount of maturity in this situation for a 14 year old. I commend you for this.

My intent isn't to lecture you. Rather my intent is to give you a little reality check.

I don't know how many times I heard that having a baby is a life changing experience. This is the biggest understatement I have ever heard in my life. The first baby doesn't change your life, it shatters it, turns it upside down, and hits you with the force of Mike Tyson.

When you have a baby, your life is pretty much over for at least a decade. This means the rest of your childhood will probably be shot. The first 6 months will be spent with seemingly endless sleepless nights feeding the baby (this was a tough feat for me in my 20's and impossible for me in my 30's...I actually started getting severe sickness from sleep deprivation..and this was with both parents taking turns at night). The lack of sleep will be very tough on a teenager like you.

From 6 months to about 4 years, you actually get sleep on occasion. The child will have an endless amount of energy. When you come home from school or work and have a million things to do, the child wants to play and spend time with you. These are some of the greatest times, but they also require a ton of patience.

After 4 years old, the child starts diverging from you and building their own life. They will spend less time with you and more time at school and playing with friends. Next thing you know, they are off to college and/or to build a life of their own.

If you want to be a good mother, your child will come first. When it is the weekend, there are parks to go to, ducks to feed, bikes to ride, etc... At night, the child needs to be tucked in, cuddled, fed, and have stories read. The child wakes up at the same time without regard to what time you went to bed. There probably won't me much time for hanging out with friends, sports, prom, or anything else. Between school and your child, you probably won't have time for much else.

Besides the physical and emotional toll a child takes on you, they are expensive. Diapers cost money. Clothes cost money. Toys cost money. Food cost money. Money is something is going to be in short suppy for you at your age.

What else will happen if you keep the baby? The fathers family is probably going to come down on you hard, accusing you of trying to trap their son, ruin his life, cheating on him, or anything else they can say to try and absolve their own guilt and to try and manipulate you to get rid of the baby and absolve their son of any responsibility. Also, you will make a ripple in your own family. Nothing travels faster than sh*t through family. Bad news travels quickly. People are nice to your face, but probably will talk about you behind your back.

Take a look in the mirror and ask if you are prepared for all this.

I make it sound like having a child is a drag. Some days, it can be. Raising a child is tough and nothing will prepare you for it. It is trying mentally and physically.

After everything I said, is raising a child worth it? It is worth every migraine, every sleepless night, every penny, every tear, every exhausting day, and every lost piece of fun that fades away from your life.

Should you keep the baby? The decision is yours. The decision is a tough one. Talk with your parents. Be honest and ask tough questions. Ask if they will help. Will they give you some time for you to be a kid yourself (taking care of a child is much easier for an experienced parent than for a frist timer...every child I had got much easier). What will happen if you want to go to college? Will they help you pay to raise the child?

After the initial shock, I'm sure your parents will be understanding and probably even a little excited. I'm sure their concern will be about you and you having a healthy baby.

Don't be too concerned about what your ex-bf has to say. Mcuh of what he is saying will be out of fear at this point. You and you alone have to live with your decision. If you have an abortion, it will probably scar you psychologically, your ex-bf could probably care less. If you adopt out the child, you will always wonder what happened and your bf still gets his wish. if you keep the child, your childhood is over and your bf must step up to the plate and might hate you for a long time. Which can you live with?

Finally, don't get down on yourself. Getting pregnent can happen to anyone. Most everyone has had unsafe sex when they really weren't thinking about the consequences.

A healthy baby is truely a miracle. Personally, I wouldn't opt for abortion, but that is just me.

Good Luck to you.

Answer 2

Hey Hun~~
I know a person that was 13 years old and pregnant and she had a baby it was very hard for her to have a baby but she made it. Do not get a abortion You know what that means you are killing a human life and that baby didn't ask to come into the world you made it if you have abortion you are no better than killing these children everyday. It would be the same thing. . Don't listen to him he knows if you have this baby that he will have to support the baby no matter what. So you have this baby You can do it. If you tell me where you live and give me the address you can email it to me for private so no one else will have it. my email address is [e-mail]
I have 2 great big trash bags full of clothes my child cannot wear anymore I will be more than glad to send them to you. It's a couple blankets they are new never been used. You could do this. If you have the baby he will have to Get a job and support the baby no matter what happens so he is telling you do do this so he won't have to help with anything. You do what you want to because you will have to life with the regret of killing a helpless baby. Just lemme know so I can get the clothes ready to be shipped out or not. Hoped I helped.
Oh btw tell your parents if they don't know you could die and also you could miss out on some of the wonderful things like a ultrasound if you don't tell your parents they get over being mad I promise. Just tell them so the baby wil be find you need some prenatal vitamins for the baby and the baby needs to be checked on montly. Different things.
Thanks for listening Hoped I Helped a bit,

Answer 3

Well having a baby is really tough. You are very young and you have your whole life in front of you. Have you talked to your parents? I know it can be really scary and you probably dont want to do it, but for the sake of your health and a baby being possibly involved it would be best. Only you can decide what is best for you to do. But I will say this, you are sooo young, I do not think that keeping this baby will be easy unless you have true help from your parents, they are very expensive and they depend on you for everything, and I mean everything. It is a huge adjustment. Now for adoption, it is might be a good choice for you because the first thing you learn being a mom is that it isnt about you anymore, it is strictly about the baby and you have to give her/him the best you can, and maybe adoption is the best choice because you are giving your baby a chance at a life that he/she deserves. Baby's are a blessing from God, no matter how they get here and no matter what the circumstance is. I hope that you will talk to your parents or at least a trusted adult to help you through this. If you are pregnant, you need to get to the doc and start getting really healthy and making sure your baby is doing well. If you need to ask any more questions please write me.. [e-mail]

Answer 4

If you can talk to your parents maybe they can help you. If not talk to a teacher at school about your situation maybe they could get you an over the counter test. If you are pregnant you need to think of the child's needs. Having someone adopt the child would be both a blessing to the child and yourself. You would be giving that child a life that at 14 you can not provide. Everyone makes mistakes. Turn this mistake into a positive. Learn from it and know in your heart that you did what was right by the baby. This is something that will stay in your heart and head forever.

Answer 5

If I were you, I would call a crisis pregnancy center. They will help you by getting you a test and seeing if you really are pregnant. If you are, they can set you up with a counselor that will talk to you about your different options. I know it is a scary situation, but take a deep breath and just make the call. If you are pregnant, you need to start practicing being brave. Think about what is best for the child.

I will not tell you what do do, I don't know you are your whole situation, but I will pass on two bits of advice. One, you are just coming up on the best years of your life. Ages fifteen to twenty-five are the best ever!! Two, as an adoptive mommy, please consider adoption before abortion. It is a brave choice, and you could give someone who can't have a child the gift of one. I thank God every night for the girl who did that for me.

Also, if by some chance you are not pregnant, please say, "thank you, Jesus," and go to the health department and get some free condoms or pills.

Answer 6

Well think about this. If you dont have a job and cant take care of a baby then how could you afford an abortion, they dont just give them away for free you know. Your right you cant care for a baby, your still a baby, and neither can you. You should be having the time of your life. I'm not really sure what kind of answer your looking for, but I can promise you that if you choose to keep this baby then your parents will end up taking care of it, so therefore you parent should definatly know about and their opinion counts. I do agree that you shouldnt have an abortion, there is too many people who would love your baby as there own if given the chance, but like I said before in my opinion yourself, your ex, his parents and yours should all get together and decide what is best for this baby and you two.

Answer 7

Well, you need to sit down with him, his parents and your parents and discuss this. If you are pregnant, they will soon all find out anyway. If you are pregnant, you will all need to discuss your options and reach a conclusion. If you keep the baby, you might have some chances to get welfare or something, depending on your state. Abortion isn't something I would suggest to you, because that is a hard thing to live with. Adoption would be hard as well, but I think you could live with yourself easier on that than you could on abortion and if you had an open adoption, you could have some interaction with your child.

If you are not pregnant, this will still be a good opportunity to talk with your parents about sex, responsibility, and contraception techniques like birth control pills, condoms, abstinence and all of that.

Answer 8

Well first I would tell your boyfriend that your not ready to have a baby now either. Second tell your boyfriend to go to the store and be a man and get you a test. Since your only 14 maybe you periods aren't regular and you may not be pregnant.(I hope this is true) Then find out the answer. When you know the answer then you can move one to the next step in you life. And if your not pregnant don't have sex until you old enough.

Answer 9

Tell your parents. Yes you are too young to do this alone, or even with your boyfriend, but you might be able to work out a situation with your parents and keep the baby. If not, you can have an open adoption, and keep in contact with the baby and his adopted family his whole life. I know that's not your first choice, but it's better than an abortion. Don't let yourself be pressured into anything.
Please tell your parents right away or call a pastor at a local church to offer help and advice. I know it will be hard, but it will be ok.
Good luck and I hope everything turns out ok for both you and this baby.

Answer 10

look you might be stressing for nothing why cant you get a test?? no use fighting and stuff when you might not even be pregnant. And if you are then you need to be the one to decide what you want to do. Never let anyone pressure you into an abortion or giving up your baby because you might regret it later. BUT go see a doctor that is the only way to be sure that you are

Answer 11

Find out if you are pregnant first then start stressing.
You should do what you want to do really as it is your body and choice.
I am against abortion and I am glad as I have a daughter now that wouldn't have been here today if I was for abortions. I do not regret for one second keeping her and it is worth every tough time seeing her smile and look lovingly at me.
Do what you want. You should also talk to your family as mine ended up being the best support ever (event though they weren't very happy about the baby at first as I am very young and not married).
Good luck..