I've been dating my gf almost 2 years, but we have been 4 hours apart the whole time. Traveling to see each other. She tried to get into grad school this spring but didn't and will have to try again next year. Her grad school could be anywhere and up to 5 years in length. I have a great, steady job in one location which I don't want to leave. To make things harder, she will not move in with me until we are engaged because of her family. I love her and want to live together while she wants to get engaged now, but I'm unsure about her going far away for school for a long time. Should I propose now or wait until I know where she is going to school in a year?
2007-03-22 16:10:41 · 29 answers · asked by Levi N 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Take it from experience, distance really does make the heart grow fonder. I know that is a cliche, but it is true.
My husband and I have been together for 16 years and we spent most of the first 2 away from each other. It paid off... I got my bachelors degree and he served our country. Ultimately, it made us both so strong and so committed to each other because we wanted the family life we so missed during those years.
What I mean is if it is meant to be, it will be. Make the leap if you know she is the one. Whatever obstacles you have in front of you will only make you a stronger couple in the end. Best of luck... just love her and you will be just fine!
2007-03-22 16:28:21 · answer #1 · answered by itsjustfoolishness 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
You are in a bit of a quandry on this one. It sounds like there are too many things up in the air toward making a commitment. She wants you to propose so that she feels you're committed and her family is satisfied, but it seems that proposal means that you'd be willing to leave your job if she were to end up in grad school somewhere else. In other words, she is saying that she'll move with you, and once she does - it will be more difficult to separate a year later for 5 years.
Since you do not want to leave your good job, and her plans are up in the air - something or someone's gotta give. Either you have accept the idea that you may have to relocate, if the case may be or you have to accept the fact that she won't move with you, until you've made that commitment.
Ultimately, it's really your decision on whether you are willing to make the decision to propose and take the chance of whatever comes. If you are not willing to move under any circumstances, then proposing, just so she will move with you now, would not work too well if she gets accepted somewhere else. On the other hand, if you feel committed, then take the chance and make the commitment now. If you're still strong in a year from now, you can decide on where you want to go from there. A lot can happen in a year!
2007-03-22 23:49:50 · answer #2 · answered by Plexed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing is, if you are really both committed to each other for the res of your lives (a marriage) then you could propose to her or not. Nothing will change. What she wants from you is your promise, your vow to be her only one no matter how far she goes or how long she has to be gone to get that school part of her life over with. If you talk to her about that and she feels secure you'll both be fine. What does it matter where she going to school in a year? Sounds like it won't be near you no matter what. If you're ready to propose, your relationship can last, even if it has to be long distance for a while. I would go ahead and give her that commitment, and then you both can relax and at least have your future plans to be together without separation to look forward to.
2007-03-22 23:30:59 · answer #3 · answered by Irish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love her, then you will go anywhere she does. I look at it two ways...
1- If you absolutely love your job and make a good living, then I don't see why she can't go to school in your area. Tell her that you're not sure how the money situation will work out if you leave your job and try to find another one.
2-You relocate with her and find a new job. After she has finished school, then you can compromise on where to settle down. Both of you will be ale to contribute to bills and have a good life.
I do however, strongly believe that a long distance relationship will NOT last. Ecspecially if she is going to school, not to sound mean, but she will be surrounded by new people. She'll be busy with school and have to study and might not be able to call you everyday. You two will lose touch. I say propose to her and if you guys should get married, then you will find a way to work it out. If you can't compromise now, you never will!
2007-03-22 23:19:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Waite. For the relationship to work, one of you is going to have to give. Either she go to grad school in the city you are employed, or you move to the city where she attends school and find work there.
Five year, long distance relationships rarely work. I know frome personal experience, you both will grow/change in five year's time, and if you are not together during that time, you will most likely grow in different directions.
If you love each other, and you both know you want to spend your lives together, then get together now... but only if you are going to actually BE together, not long distance.
2007-03-22 23:17:40 · answer #5 · answered by Yinzer from Sixburgh 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something you need to talk about with her not this forum. Find out how she feels about waiting or getting engaged. Remember this is a decision that has a lot of weight with her education being very important. And by the way it is a very smart decision not living together until a commitment is made with the issues you two are currently facing. Good Luck.
2007-03-22 23:21:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you really love her, you should propose when you feel it is right. The time would probably be now (if you love her). A proposal may change both of your minds on your living situation. You may decide it is worth the move to be with her or she may decide to keep her school choices closer to you. Life is nothing without taking risks that mean something to you. If you love her, do what feels right. Don't overthink it.
Good luck!
2007-03-22 23:17:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer that question. Do what you feel is the right thing to do. But if you have doubts, it's probobly your brains way of telling your heart that you should wait or look a little deeper into your situation. Distance is a hard thing to deal with in a relationship, you've made it this far, that's great. But are you willing to go farther?
2007-03-22 23:16:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first off, I think you should respect her decision wholeheartedly. She shouldnt live with you without that solid commitment. She sounds like she has VERY respectable standards (Standards you should appreciate in a wife) and if you want her, you're gonna have to abide by the rules. If you love her and you cant envision life without her 4 hrs away or 3 days away, you should get on that knee and propose to her. Is she everything you want....if the answer is Yes, Do IT!!!!!
2007-03-22 23:23:22 · answer #9 · answered by FemFatale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is uncertain...wait and see what the future holds. Do not propose just so she will move in with you. Propose only if you have the intention of loving her forever and being with her forever. A proposal is a promise to marry someone...marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment.
2007-03-22 23:19:42 · answer #10 · answered by curious74432 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋