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love our g-kids dearly. We provide for them. Our daughter had so many jobs last yr she couldnt remember them all. We pay for bookfares,school pictures,everthing.She never has any $ because she is always between jobs. She is VERY smart. She worked to get her liscense as a ins agent and then dec that was not what she wanted to do.When does it stop? What can we do to make her see that she needs to grow up and provide for her kids? She knows we wont throw her out bcause of the kids, they have had enough instability. She needs to be on medicationshe suffers from depression if not bipolar but we cant make her see that .she thinks we just think she is a terrible mother. Her daughter goes to her dads every other wknd but the youngests dads in jail and has no part of his life. She has his great g-ma keep him EVERY weekend from Friday to Sunday so she can party and then when she does make it home Sunday morn,she sleeps ALL day and doesnt help out or tend to the kids. its neverending..desperate

2007-03-22 16:03:20 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

6 answers

First of all the children are from a SINGLE MOTHER (it's not called children out of wedlock anymore joseph7) 2nd it is HER responsibly to take care of her kids u r NOT their parents she is it is time for her to step up & be a mother!!!!! Tell her to get a job because u expect her start paying rent & for HER KIDS!!!! Tell her to stop Partying because MOTHER'S don't party. Better yet tell her that if she doesn't become a mother & act like it then u will take her to court & get custody of ur g-kids. She will lose them & only b able 2 c them when the judge says it's ok & AFTER some parenting classes!! Tell her she HAS to put her kids 1st & herself second!! Also if she has no job than how does she go out partying on weekends?? I hope u don't give her money!!!! Or better yet why don't u throw her out BUT keep the kids with u & tell her she can only come back when she is grown up & ready to be a mother!! This is why u go to court u can get custody & or gardianship of ur g-kids. The judge will be on ur side maybe that's what she needs to realize that she is the parent NOT U!! I also suggest that u get a lawyer or tell ur daughter that u will keep the kids why she finds herself & gets help!! She is NOT the only single mother out there but she is of the few that r not ready to be a parent yet. She can't have her cake & it too (which is what she is doing) also she is taking advantage of u love for her!! She doens't WANT to be responsible becasue she has u so MAKE her responsible!!!! Even WHEN u get gardianship or custody file for child support so that she begins to pay for her kids. It will be hard but sooner or later she will relize that she is a single mother & it's her responsibly to take care of her kids no one else's!!

I was in ur shoes when my sister was19 she had my 1st nephew she wanted to party all the time & she wasn't ready to be a mom so she gave my mom & I guardianship of him. He is now 10 & is with her. We talked her into it because she was living off our dad & was dating a lot of guys & started doing drugs (crack)! The lawyer we hired helped us get my nephew & he became my son. I took him to the park & played with him, everyone always said that he looked like me but I always told them that he was my nephew not my son (I was 16) my ex bf & I would take him for walks & watched over him!! I became his mother. She told me when she got him back when he was 8 that giving him to us/me temporarily was the best thing she ever did!! She now has 3 boys (10, 5, 4 m) she is able to handle being a mother. She wasn't ready then but she realized that she just wanted the sex but didn't believe in birth control. She regrets that she wasn't a mother but knows that she did what was best for her to grow up!!!! She had to get a job go to rehab to pay us child support!! She has been clean 91/2 yrs right after she give him to us she stopped using because she said she didn't need an escape anymore!!!! I still feel like my nephews mother but I can see how my sister has grown up & mature she is now. She is married but 2 of the 3 kids have the same father (although I think her husband is the father to all 3 they all took alike. Their baby pictures are idential!! But my brother in law won't accept him because they were not married when he was born He was not ready to be a father either & cheated many times so we don't know how many kids he actually has!! They have been married 10 yrs (they got married when my nephew was 8 weeks old & after we got my nephew)!! They are a family now & she is responsible for her actions & her kids!!!!

I hope this helps u make the right decision that benefits both ur g- kids & gets ur daughter to be a mother!!!! Good luck!!!!

2007-03-22 17:33:02 · answer #1 · answered by Missy 3 · 0 0

First off, I'm so sorry for all you're going thru, wanting to be good grandparents but at the same time you're at your wits end w/your daughter. It's hard to say if she's suffering from depression entirely or if she is just lazy. Depression can cause you to not want to take care of your responsibilities even when you know you have to..it's physically and emotionally draining. However, she does have two kids and herself to support and it's high time she started. Ever hear of tough love? She needs some right now regardless of what her problem is. Of course she knows you won't throw her out because of her kids so she doesn't make an effort to better herself. My suggestions are to get her evaluated by whatever means you can, maybe get a family member she's really close to or a friend to talk to her about talking to someone or kick her in her rear and offer to help out w/watching your grandkids while she gets a steady job, saves and gets her own place, once and for all. The more you keep enabling her, the less she's going to feel the need to "grow up" and get on w/being an adult.

2007-03-22 16:37:23 · answer #2 · answered by aweety69 4 · 0 0

At 26 yrs old she should be done with the partying and be responsible for her kids. I understand you love her and what to do whats best but you need your life and the kids need stability so I advise telling her that you will not accept this any more she has 6 months to get on her feet with your help and kick her out if she dosen't shape up, keep the kids with you, if she has no place to live then you should have no problem having the kids stay with you. She also sounds like she needs some psych help, maybe make that part of the condition of her staying with you.

2007-03-22 16:40:29 · answer #3 · answered by dreamer2606 2 · 0 0

First no meds.Next file for custody, throw her out and MAKE her grow up.Continuing to "rescue' her will only keep her where she is at.You say she is smart?Having 2 kids out of wedlock and not being able to provide for them is NOT smart.The drugs will NOT cure her, they will only mask the problem, and that is she has not had to take on any responsibility.Yes she is depressed.She will feel better about herself when she learns to be responsible and do the right thing.She needs to learn how to go to work at a job she doesnt like and continue doing this while she finds what she DOES like that pays enough to support herself and kids.

2007-03-22 16:13:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

some people dare not face the fact or reality of live,they try to escape the responsibility by doing other donkey or monkey jobs.since she got depression,u r better take her 4 medical checkup asap,consult a good psychiatrist.take care.

2007-03-22 16:28:48 · answer #5 · answered by robert KS LEE. 6 · 0 0

get custody of the grand kids since your raising them anyway. and kick her out. i can't believe what people put up with from their adult kids............... its a shame.

sorry to say but you are an enabler.

do some research on co-dependence.

2007-03-23 04:41:13 · answer #6 · answered by Cornell is Hot! 4 · 0 0

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