Is my 25 year marriage over?

Question

I feel indifferent to my husband, I have no sexual feelings for him anymore, he doesn't respect me and takes me for granted. I'm tired. We never go anywhere, we have nothing in common anymore, we argue over stupid things and can't agree on anything. Is this what I have to look forward to for the next 25 years?

One major problem is, he's the only one that doesn't know I'm not happy. All of my family, and our friends have known for years. We have zero communication, and I know that's not all his fault. He's not a mean man, we have just grown apart, is that normal? What should a marriage be after this long? Am I nit-picking?

Answer 1

nope, time to bail. better to be lonely alone than with someone else. go out have fun and live like you want to. it's your life. Live it full throttle!!!!

Answer 2

It is if you don't do something to change it. You likely have no sexual interest in him because you have let distance grow between you to the point that you are roommates, not lovers. Why don't you have anything in common anymore? Have you taken an interest in the things that interest him? Are you making an effort to spend time together alone? Have you told him about your feelings, or lack there of? A marriage is constantly changing and in motion because each of you is changing a little every day. If you let that happen without making the effort to change together, eventually you both change so much that you lose what you had. I suggest you talk to him about your feelings. Ask him about his, and ask him about his wants and needs. Make an effort to put yourself back into his life and ask him to do the same for you. You may seek a marriage counselor to get you through tough muddle you may have ignored instead of dealing with, but you can fix it, you you both really try. Consider it starting over, falling in love all over again. I guarantee you he's miserable too, so open up about what's really going on and start fresh. 25 years ago you fell in love enough to promise each other your lives together. Get back to that, remember why, and get to know each other again. Don't let time go by without at least making a real effort to fix it. Otherwise, your future together will be as dim as the picture you've painted. Considering the alternative, what have you got to lose?

Answer 3

I've been married 23 years year and feel the same way. It has slowly happened over the last 10 years and we pretty much live seperate lives. The things he enjoys to do I don't and vice versa. We have seen a marriage counselor and also have been to counselor individually. We are now looking at getting divorce. I would say see if he is interested in marriage counseling. If not, then he not interested in what you need at all. It took me almost 2 years to get my husband to go, by that time I just didn't care anymore. But, I would at least try it if you both want to see if you should try and save the marriage.

Answer 4

Additional questions you need to ask yourself are
"does my husband feel the same?"
do i want the marriage to be over?
is it possible that i am depressed? as this can also be the reason for lack of interest.
marriage is not just sex - so is this the only thing wrong in the relationship?
does your husband know you feel like this?
if he does, has knowing made any difference to his behaviour?
will putting "the end" to this relationship worth it for you? let me tell you being alone or single is something you have to think about before you think of the answer to this.
not going anywhere, not having anything in common, arguing, indifference and all are painful things no doubt but what will breaking up achieve for you? really?
when you have the answers to these questions i am sure you will be able to answer your own question better than any one else ever could.

Answer 5

Well, you obviously believe it's dead, from your description. You're saying 'it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck. What is it?'

So presumably what you really want is validation for a decision you've already made, and this is a slightly disingenuous way to ask for it, because there's presumably more to this that just the one decision. If you declare the marriage dead, what happens?

If you can just walk out, then you should go, but what are the real moral implications? If it's just a matter of leaving him, go for it. But if you have kids, their lives are affected too. I don't think we can take that one on with the data you've given.

Is having an affair not an option? It might be less upheaving in the short term.

CD

Answer 6

"For better, for worse", remember those words you and your husband told each other to become as one?

Do what it takes to make your marriage work, don't give up! Don't be another statistic. Find things to do to spice up your marriage. If you two were together that long, then you can put up with it, but with some spice in it, for more years!

I would consider on reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". I challenge you to read these together. You both are a team when you both made those vows together.

Answer 7

i know men are stubborn but maybe if you had a heart to heart with him he might agree to some marriage counseling. I wish you the best of luck. It would have to be hard to give up that many years together. If he won't agree to the counseling see if he would agree to start some new hobbies together. Try anything, things you wouldn't normally do just to see if it helps. Good luck!!

Answer 8

Talk to your husband and tell him how you are feeling. Be honest and open with him... See if he is open to working on and saving the marriage. I suggest marriage counseling for the both of you before giving up on this marriage.Try to get to know each other all over again and you need to learn to fall in love all over again.

Answer 9

the reason u are so unhappy is cuz u are both lacking the most important thing needed for a rlshp to succeed........communication. tell him how u feel. maybe u might both benefit from counselling.

Answer 10

Get out and enjoy life. Drop the dead weight