My fiancee deployed to iraq in july,all he talked about was getting married, on sept.22,06 he proposed over the phone, i waited for him,based on his promise i did a tubal reversal & started to take fertility pills by his request, he planned our wedding on april 7th, 2007. i was counting down the days. he came home in feb.8th 2007, and he was very different, he didn't fight front line,he is a high rank marine. His attitude is unpredictable, there's times he is affectionate and times he is distant, he changed the wedding again to mid may, now he says he don't know when, plus i missed my period, and he wasn't happy with the thought of me being pregnant, now he says he needs to deploy for 3 years and wants me to wait for him, that he will marry me before he deploys, and swears he is not trying to leave us, but trying to give us a better life, can't take us cause the limit is 4 dependents and if i am pregnant that will be 5 dependents and he will be disqualified in being promoted.
2007-03-22 15:23:34 · 17 answers · asked by boriquacj 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He was over in Iraq, our men and women come back w/PTSD, and have a hard time coming back home to a normal society. It's hard on a person. You need to be understanding of him, and what he has been through, and what he is going back to. You should have waited until you were married to have another child with him if you are so concerned that he won't marry you.
PS~ Don't listen to the b*tch that is telling you to have an abortion! Do not do that! She has no morals or class for that matter. She's a lunatic.
2007-03-22 15:31:52 · answer #1 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It probably has nothing to do with you. If he's in Iraq, he's been under a TREMENDOUS amount of stress.
Since he has to go back for 3 years, perhaps he is afraid he will get killed and he doesn't want you to end up a widow with 4 children. Six people in a family puts a financial strain on the provider regardless of how much money that person makes. Men think of money in terms of the future (college).
I'm sure his position in the Marine's puts him privy to all sorts of confidential information, and that's also probably weighing heavy on his mind.
Be nice, be loving, be kind, but back off. Don't question him. Do not pressure him. DON'T SAY "You told me to do so and so and I did it and now you won't do such and such." Don't mention any of that stuff...that only adds more friction.
Enjoy the time you have with him. When you have sex from here on out, use some kind of protection.
If he asks you why you're using protection, or why you want to use protection, tell him the time doesn't seem right for you to become pregnant, so you and he can wait until after he comes back from Iraq in 3 years and then discuss whether or not to have another child.
You may have missed your period because of stress. Not necessarily because you're pregnant. If you are already pregnant and find out later, then deal with that when you're positive that is the case - not before.
Remember, no added stress...he and you are under enough as it is. And, if you have some family nearby, see if they will keep the other children so you and your man can have a weekend alone to do something fun together and re-connect.
Best wishes to you!
2007-03-22 15:54:14 · answer #2 · answered by japanizationstation1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay so first things first. by a paternity test to determine if you are indeed pregnant. second how exactly is putting off the wedding going to give you a better life. if he is going to marry you before he is deployed then why delay? why is he making all the decisions about when you are getting married? time to ask yourself some hard questions and decide if this is truly what YOU want.
i wish you the very best of luck
2007-03-22 15:48:26 · answer #3 · answered by simplyme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow sounds like a predicament. I was engaged to a guy who told me he was joining the Air Force for me. Well we talked almost every other day after he got out of basic training. We had talked one night for awhile. The VERY next day I got a letter from him stating that he didn't wanna be with me anymore. Yet he had just told me the night before he loved me. Men are really weird. I would suggest that you sit him down and have a real good heart to heart conversation with him. Tell him you need to know what is really going on. Explain to him how insecure you feel. Be open and honest with him. Don't hold back. I hope this helps. Take care.
2007-03-22 15:31:58 · answer #4 · answered by Christina A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your situation. If your fiancee is fighting in the line of fire in Iraq, maybe he feels insecure about leaving you and having the possibility that he might not return home. If you really love your fiancee and want to countinue your relationship with him, you should wait. Sometimes men have freeze ups before wedding too, so don't take anything personally. Good luck
2007-03-22 15:29:01 · answer #5 · answered by irish1994 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have too many children already for this type of relationship. You also got yourself involved with a man of service. You have to be willing to let him be gone for long periods of time and have the long-distance relationship burning for life. This is a difficult thing to do. I can understand women like the men in uniform concept. I don't see the services being a good idea for family though. A bad idea in the first place. My family warned me about the services. They discouraged me from those people.
2007-03-22 15:29:59 · answer #6 · answered by scottsorgent 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though he isnt on the front line doesnt mean that he cant be effected by what is going on while being deployed. The best person to be talking too about this is him cause only him truly knows his reasoning and what is on his heart.
2007-03-22 15:30:15 · answer #7 · answered by Amazing_clarity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
None of what you said makes sense to me. I sure would not want to be married to someone who wasn't sure he wanted to be married to me. Where do all of these dependents come from? Sounds like you may have made a bad choice in a man before.
2007-03-22 15:37:32 · answer #8 · answered by TURBOSC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he doesn't WANT to get married and the possiblity of you being pregnant has him conflicted at best, only he doesn't want to tell you that he doesn't want to get married. You and he need to have a major big talk before he goes anywhere.
2007-03-22 15:54:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Probably post war stress disorder, responsbilities etc.This is why you wait until AFTER youre married to have sex.He may marry you, but it will be a challenge.His career will always be first, you have to be happy being 2nd for his first priority is to keep the country you live in safe.He acts differently because of the things he has been exposed to, he will probably never be the same again.It doesnt mean he doesnt love you, but youre goiing to have to adapt to him for this to work out.
2007-03-22 15:29:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋