Is he playing mind games with me?

Question

I’ve been with my boy friend for 3 years. We have just recently broke up but for only about a week. We broke up about 3-4 times but not for any longer than 3 weeks. When we break up I cry all the time I feel so abandoned and heart broken it kills me inside because I love this man to death, I would do anything for him. When he breaks up with me he says such hurtful things like I don't want to be with you any more I’m fed up, with all the arguing, one time he told me he didn't feel the same for me anymore. He acts like I’m just some girl in the street.He won't call me he acts like he is happier without me. Then when I decide it's really over and try to move on he calls me crying that he misses me and he can't be without me and he wants things to change, he wants to go to counseling. He says he doesn't want anyone else, he wants me to be his wife and all this stuff but then why did he break up with me. I mean I know we argue a lot but why hurt me. I never want to feel like that again.

Answer 1

Well sweety I wish I can help you with this one I am having the same problem but not the counsloing thing

Answer 2

I had a boyfriend do the exact same stuff to me. I was blinded by love to see throught the crap he put me through. And like you I felt the same and cried all the time. But finally I had had enough and just didn't care anymore because I knew he would come back to me. It turned out he was married. I about died when I found that out.

But anyway, from my experience I would say he is using you. He wants you on his time. He doesn't want anyone else to have you. This my friend, is the beginning of emotional abuse. He probably doesn't even realize the trauma he causes you when this happens.

I guess what you should do is try and put some distance between you and don't give in so easily when he comes crying to you. Try and be strong and say "I will think about it, but right now I am kind of busy, can I call you in a few days" Then if you feel up to him give him a call in about a weeks time. Maybe you will get lucky and forget to call him back because you have realized that you are having more fun without him.

Also I know this might be hard to understand but not all relationships are good relationships. Sometimes you can think you are in love with someone but they only bring out the bad parts of you. You don't realize it when you are involved in the relationship but a couple of months or even years down the road you will realize that you really weren't meant to be with him because you really only brought out the bad/mean/ugly/vindictive personalities of one another.

Good luck!

Answer 3

You have to figure out if he is really in love with you or not and it doesn't sound very good from this point of view. If you want to try to go to couselling go for it, but remember that during couselling you may realise that you don't feel the same about him anymore. He doesn't know what he wants if this has happened 3-4 times. Can you handle another break up? if not then you have to do whatever to make sure you can deal with everything emotionally. Perhaps it would be better if you had about six months time apart and then decide if you want to move on or stick with it, follow your heart but ask all the difficult questions and figure out what the best for you, take care Heather

Answer 4

It sounds as if you're both confused about what you really want. You're both on a rollercoaster - your relationship is up and down and up and down.

I would suggest counseling - individually. If the counselor wants to bring the other one in, he/she will. Right now it should be about each of you finding a peace about your relationship. That might take being apart for a little while.

BUT, he should not use you, and you should not use him for a place to get sex when you get lonely.

I understand how you feel. I've been there, and still am at times. Sometimes men say hurtful things to us because they are also hurting and are confused and don't know what to do, so they lash out at the ones they care for the most.

I would encourage you to become independent from him. Go out to lunch with a female co-worker. Go to the gym. Go shopping with your mom. Put him aside and make some time for yourself to do the things you'd like to do.

Sometimes I just go to a movie by myself. Yes, I am lonely when I do that, but it's my chance to eat all the popcorn I want, and to just chill and enjoy the movie without having to worry about anyone else but me. :)

Hold him accountable for what he says to you. If he tells you he wants to go to counseling, have a list ready and present it to him and tell him you've been researching reputable counselors in your area. If he hemhaws around and backs out, he's playing you. If he's serious, he'll ask questions and see if you have more information.

Did you know that sometimes couples are lonliest when they are together? That's pretty sad, but it happens.

Don't allow this guy to disrespect you, and don't let him use you. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT. No matter what he says to you, you are a human being and need to be treated with respect. If he is not willing to respect you, then move on. You deserve better.

There are men who will show you love and respect and not ask for anything in return. There might not be that many anymore, but I promise you, they are out there.

Read the book The Five Love Languages. It will help you tremendously.

It sounds as if this guy has really beaten you down emotionally, and it could be to your benefit to back off for a little while and see what happens. If he moves on, then so be it...that will prove to you that he wasn't serious.

Form a support group for yourself - a counselor can help you get involved with one. Your parents, pastor, teacher, friends, co-workers. Having the support of others will make you stronger and you'll be able to face life with him or without him.

Answer 5

I truly believe that this man is playing games with you.....first of all when you say you love a person you don't say things that hurt them. I feel like he wants to be with you when it;s convenient to him. And by him coming back every time you say it's over.....he is trying to have his cake and eat it too. He don't want you and he don't want you to move on. Take it from someone that has been there. YES it is a game. They are out doing god knows what and they like it when we depend on them. Relationships has there problems and you do argue but never let a man having you feeling like you can't do no better. The next time you break stay broken up. Find someone that will appreciate you.

Answer 6

1) He needs to respect you and how you feel about things.
If he is hanging out with another female and you're not invited saying she is a friend--RED FLAG.
2) Don't start fights, nag, etc. If you had a bad day, don't start in on him.
3) If he doesn't come home until 1am, 2am, 3am and you have a right complain--nothing good ever happens after midnight.
4) If the damn guy is so fed up-dump his rearend. Find a guy who will respect your feelings, because saying he doesn't feel the same about you--consider it true. Have some self esteem and leave his a$$. What a butt he is.

Answer 7

You both just need to find a healthier way of expressing how you feel about each other. Couples counseling will teach you both how to do this in a constructive and productive manner. You will also come to realize if you truly love each other. I would take him up on his offer--go to counseling together. I believe you both care for each other deeply because you're still together. I speak from personal experience and wish I had followed my own advice.

Answer 8

to be honest with u i think hes playing u making u feel bad it]s like taking a wild horse and making it into something he want s and not caring about how it makes u feel i would move on there are alto more men out there i have been there and back. playing with someones emotions is very hurtful . i know my man right now is talking to his ex but he doesn't know how much that bothers me and y should i durst him when he has to keep me out and do this to our family it's not a way to live

Answer 9

he sound like a child you need a real man not a child 3 years is a long time to grow up its time to move on put the cup down good luck

Answer 10

WOW!
A girl with a brain......A girl that isn't saying in her squeekiest voice......"but, I love him".....A girl that actually questions whether HE could be loving HER.....
Keep it up honey, although you seem a little confused I don't think a lot of guys will hurt you for too long before you finally say...."enough is enough"