Abandoned chiildren in the 60's.?

Question

My friend is having problems coming to grips with the fact she has recently found out her father abandoned his 5 children in the 1960's and just walked out. Her mother says it has nothing to do with her and even though she knew about it maintains it was not her business. The story goes that he met her mother when he was seperated from his first wife. That his first wife depended on his income as there was no social security in those day. the children were 16, 14, 8 and 4. Her mother went out with this man knowing he had children and even met them? as a result her mother was disinherited. She feals a strong sense of guilt and shame and dislike of her mother who has been very judgemental of her- whats your oppinion?? these children are in their late 50's now.

abc: Payments of money to dependent mothers in Australia was not formulised until the 1970's.

Answer 1

Honor your parents.........
it never says everything they do is right
Respect means they too, are allowed to make mistakes with out questioning it
Tell your friend to quit trying to figure out someone elses past tomorrow's problems will be hard enogh to solve as it is

Answer 2

Unfortunately, as parents, we do the wrong thing, but at the time we think it is right. There is no universal Law Book on the right and wrong way to raise children. While I can understand how a child would feel, the bottom line is that the mother probably thought she was doing the right thing....she was only trying to protect her children's reputation, as well as her own. As nasty as it is, children do get judged by a parent's behaviour, and if it was made common knowledge that these children came from a man who was already married and had other children, their life would have been made miserable. There are still very moralistic viewpoints about this....just read the question and answers on here about a person who has an affair, or falls in love with a married person. Moral biggots come out of the closet now, so could you imagine what it would have been like in the 60's.

Your friends mother, had she been born in the 1800's would have been stoned to death, and the children would have been labled for all eternity. We dont call children born out of wedlock bastards anymore, simply because it is so detrimental to the child and lets face it, that child had no choice in being born. We are more understanding to the children these days when they are born out of wedlock...its kind of a common occurence with so many people choosing living together over marriage for a child to come from a couple who werent married....it is no big deal these days....but in the 60s, it was huge.

Your friend has to put this all into perspective and remember in the 60's, not only her mother's reputation would have been tarnished, her own reputation would have been tarnished as well. Her mother probably kept this from everyone to protect her children.

I don't know if your friend's mother is still alive, but the resentment your friend feels is understandable, especially considering her mother has judged the daughter when she has no right to judge. Maybe the mother has been hard on her because she wanted more for her daughter than she had herself....that is very common too, and a mother sometimes will allientate their children because they want their lives to be better than theirs were.....all good intentions, but unfortunately they have gone about it the wrong way.

Does your friend want a relationship with her mother?...or has the resentment gone too far? If your friend doesnt want to have anything to do with her mother, then thats her choice. What I would suggest, however, is that your friend seek out a good qualified counsellor to help her come to terms with what happened. I really dont know what her personal situation is, and what you have written on here doesnt describe the whole situation, but the little that you have said, I would try to encourage your friend to firstly see a counsellor and secondly understand that people do all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons. She has been terribly hurt by her mother, but I am sure, in her mother's mind, everything she did was to protect her children......good intentions, but they have backfired on her. Maybe if she can see it in this light, she will find it in her heart to forgive her mother.

Answer 3

It was so long ago and it doesn't sound like the mother was the cause of the break up simply that she decided to be with this man who left his first wife and children for whatever reason. So what? Like this doesn't happen all the time these days.

Your friend just wants an excuse to hate her mother that doesn't tie directly into your friends relationship with her mother. It probably has to do with guilt, but your friend hating her mother of this is the type of behaviour that belongs in the shitty 50s and 60s, not now.

Answer 4

social security started in 1935, you know the New Deal