2007-03-22 14:39:07 · 17 answers · asked by Monica C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
do it "yourself", live with it or get divorced
2007-03-22 14:42:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Perhaps he feels that there is only one way, and since he cannot "perform" any more, that's the end of sex. It need not be that way. Some men are so selfish and narrrow that you can't convince them otherwise, and if your husband is of this mindset, you'll have to face up to the Ann Landers question: Am I better off with him or without him?
If he is receptive, you might tell him of your frustration and your needs and see whether he'd be agreeable to try different approaches. Any lover worth a darn can get you off without using his penis. Couples can use various assistive devices, which I'm sure you've heard of - vibrators come in a wild variety of shapes, sizes, colors and even flavors. There are dildoes, and devices that combine the functions of the above two. There are online stores where you can peruse an extensive catalog of said "assistive devices" - often called "love toys".
There also is the possibility that his is a treatable medical problem. You have to help him get past his natural reluctance to admit there's something wrong that he can't fix to a relative stranger - his doctor. Many men fear the doc will say "It's all in your head" which implies a moral or character weakness. It turns out that more often than not, it is NOT in his head. Viagra, properly understood and used, can help a great many men. So can Levitra and Cialis. And they aren't the only remedies worth trying. The key is to obtain hubby's cooperation - or you're back to the old question of whether you're better off with or without him.
Some women do choose to take a lover - or two, or more. That's a solution that is, as I'm sure you're aware, full of risk. You are old enough to understand the law of unintended consequences. Hubby may not flip out if he found out; in fact he might even consent to your taking a lover. But as you know, your own emotional response - and that of your paramour - are not always perfectly predictable...and of course, should your new lifestyle become known to others, there could be more than a bit of awkwardness to follow. I would suggest to anyone considering this approach that the other male be someone you'll have virtually no contact with otherwise, and that it be resorted to very infrequently - like a couple times a year.
Hard choices. Probably the only long-term resolution is answering that "am I better off with or without" and going from there. At least, I think you'd agree that all alternatives I've mentioned - except maybe the "other man" approach (that's entirely up to you to judge) - are worth a try. Good luck
2007-03-22 22:03:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The quick answer is start going out, with the girls, but trying to meet other guys. The long answer is why is he shutting you out, besides being stupid and/or blind. Having someone with your experience and sexually active should be treasured and appreciated, not refused.
Is there a health reason?
Does he just need some encouragement?
Do you both need a long weekend somewhere togther to get in the mood?
Maybe a trip to Victoria's secret might help. If he doesn't meet your needs, then you may have to decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life being "...with him only." You could find someone out there who will appreciate you and satisfy you.
I'm sorry for you.. and he doesn't realize what he's missing...
2007-03-22 21:51:17 · answer #3 · answered by Chef dad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't normal. Your husband may be depressed. Is he overweight? Does he drink too much? Men don't usually lose their sex drive after 50. Get him to get a thorough check-up, and encourage him to exercise and eat right. Things will improve.
2007-03-22 21:43:10 · answer #4 · answered by MOM KNOWS EVERYTHING 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
rent a hotel room, get some sexy stuff, different outfits and woo him. Have them decorate the room for you if you want or do it yourself. Call him and have him meet you there, because if you tell him about it he will not want to go.
I am 54 hubby is 59. It did wounders for us.
2007-03-22 21:48:42 · answer #5 · answered by jeeccentricx2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a date for the two of you one evening, just don't tell him where you're taking him. Blindfold him and take him into a Strip Joint--to your liking. It will do wonders for you both.
2007-03-23 01:28:46 · answer #6 · answered by bahjij6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i belive he need to see a doc, an then shoot find you 2 young men,,,, an have a party,lol,,,but you know if you throw him in a room full of young girls an lock the door, he might come back to life lol,,, hugs
2007-03-23 08:39:50 · answer #7 · answered by ghostwalker077 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him.
Lack of sex is just the tip of the iceberg.....Find what issues are underneath and talk them over.
Good luck!
2007-03-26 18:32:26 · answer #8 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that! Masturbation is your only savior if you're going to stay with him. Good luck!
2007-03-22 22:07:05 · answer #9 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you need to visit the friendly appliance store for an aide. as for hubby...what is his issue..not interested or can't get it going or just too lazy? need more info to give respectible response hunny. im me and give detail...
2007-03-22 21:43:06 · answer #10 · answered by J.M.C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same boat. Hmmm, I'll be watching this one!!!
2007-03-22 21:43:14 · answer #11 · answered by roskez13 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋