I have been dating my boyfriend for a very long time....about twelve years. He really likes to hang out with his friends and comes home late on the regular. I really thought that he would have asked me to marry him by now, but he has not. In fact we have broken up recently because of his spending more time with his friends than with me. We also have a child together. I was hoping that we could be a family, but now I am not so sure. I just learned his best friend is getting married yesterday. I just dont see where I went wrong? I know that our life is different than there's but I just cant help but think that I maybe the problem here.
2007-03-22 14:15:31 · 13 answers · asked by msnothinbutalady 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yesterday, I learned that his bestfried is getting married. Maybe I am a little jealous that is has not happened to me yet? I really dont know whether to wait and see or just move on.
2007-03-22 14:21:28 · update #1
obviously i am not pressuring him to get married....I guess this is just my last attempt to salvage the relationship or have hope before i call it quits
2007-03-22 14:35:49 · update #2
it's sad but there's absolutely no reason for him to marry you. he's got the cow & the milk for free. you chose to have a child with him out of wedlock. (mistake #1 if u wanna get married). and i assume you're living together (mistake #2 if u wanna get married). and on topf of that he comes home late on a regular basis; you haven't made it plain that he can't disrespect you like that (mistake #3 if you wanna get married). so in a nutshell, if you were in his position, you'd never ask either! he get's the best of both worlds; a "wifey" who puts up with his crap & stays with him regardless of being unmarried, and he gets to go out and come in late like he's single.
bottom line - WE TEACH OTHERS HOW TO TREAT US - you teach him that it's ok to behave this way by staying with him. after 12yrs, you must be sick of this. i know your self-esteem must be in the trash girl. why would you want this man anyway after he's treated you this way for so long. sounds like you probably started dating him young. well, it's time to get the courage to move on girl. you can make it without him. you and your child deserve better.
2007-03-22 14:57:26 · answer #1 · answered by RedDevyl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a problem, you're blaming yourself for what went wrong with the relationship. You can't put all the blame on you because it takes "two" to make a relationship go sour. Sometimes a person can be so in love with the idea of being "in love" and living the perfect life that they try to put together something that needs to be left alone. You shouldn't worry about what his friends are doing, because his friends are not in your relationship with him. Just because his friends are getting married doesn't mean that he's ready to. And that is the last thing you wanna do, rush someone to marry you, when they're not ready. I know that everyone wants a happy family but sometimes it's just not meant to be with that person. I hope I helped, I also hope I didn't offend you because that was not my intentions. Take care!
2007-03-22 14:27:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If being married to him is really important to you, why not just ask him to marry you? Even if he says no, at least you can stop wondering if he'll ever commit to you that way. But keep in mind that just because you are married to him doesn't mean his personality will change. He may spend just as much time away from you as he does now. Incidentally I asked my fiancee less than a month after we started dating--he said yes. We now have a son together and we'll probably make it official some time within the next few months.
2007-03-22 19:09:22 · answer #3 · answered by EAW 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from a man point a view you must look in your self and see if you are driving him a way from home.
may be he is not happy with you ,or all the girls he have on the side (if he do) is not sweeter or better than you so he is just keeping you.
but may be he is not ready yet to settle down,or he can still be a big kid and don`t know what he want.
only stupid men,Insecur men or men that can`t get a lot of women get married quick.try and sit him down and talk to him about getting married there you will see where his head is at or where you and him going from here.
listen to every word he said and try anolize them for your self !
hey remember love is blind,
Do your boyfriend work?
Do he take you place`s?
DO he every buy you gifts?
If the following question are no this relationship his dead trust me.
2007-03-22 14:30:57 · answer #4 · answered by antsp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 12 years and no marriage proposal, and you never pressured him for one, I would have to say that perhaps neither you nor he are the marrying type. Why this pressure to get married? Is he a good man? A good father? Respectful, honest, and has integrity? Marriage in your heart can be more fulfilling than any piece of paper.
2007-03-22 14:52:25 · answer #5 · answered by thilitha_tipton 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why I don't believe in living together before marriage. May sound old fashion but why should he marry you???? He has all that he wants and can do what he wants and doesn't have to answer for his actions because he is SINGLE....... Sorry but that's the facts.
2007-03-22 14:21:36 · answer #6 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the relationship is good and everyone is happy, why is there so much pressure to get married?
2007-03-22 14:20:11 · answer #7 · answered by tchem75 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you need to get married?
Enjoy your family and ensure he's held responsible for the financial present and future of his child.
2007-03-22 14:29:43 · answer #8 · answered by bahjij6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cant teach an old dog new tricks ... U sound like a normal person..... butt after 12 years , you cant expect him to change right away. Sit down with him and have a serious talk about his and yours future..... good luck
2007-03-22 14:23:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh brother, you THINK there is a problem??
12 years and a kid and you are still sitting on the fence.
plan on staying there too.
you can only be treated the way you allow people to treat you.
2007-03-22 14:21:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋