how can i get my husband to communicate more with me.?

Question

i have been married to my husband for four years and trying to get him to share his personal feelings with me is like asking a newborn to stop crying. there are times that i know something is bothering him and when i ask him whats wrong he says nothing dear.is it me or is this just men?????

Answer 1

If there is one thing a relationship needs, its honesty. Next time you ask him what is wrong and he says nothing, just tell him that you know something is wrong, and see what happens. He needs to learn to open up to you. You both need to be open and willing to share your problems or the relationship is never going to work. Try going on a date with him, go to dinner, then a movie, just get out of the house and do something. It really helps a lot. Plus when men are stressed out about something, whether its money or his job, they won't some out and say it, you almost need to beat it out of them at times. Just sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him what is bothering you and go from there. If you start the conversation he has no choice but to spill his guts. Good luck. Hope this helps

Answer 2

Alot of men, or should I say, alot of people have a difficult time sharing their personal feelings. Even if the person they are sharing them with is their partner. I,myself, am a private person. But being a female, I and other females, have this open ness that just makes us want to communicate more than men. My advice to you is give him time and let him come to you. If I were you, I would ask and then just let him know that I was there for him. And then wait for him to be ready to talk. Remember there's a thin line between nagging and caring. I hope I helped. Take care!

Answer 3

Men are, by nature, non-communicative when it comes to their personal feelings. They are just ill-equipped to verbalize their troubles and problems...they have this misconception that admitting to problems is a sign of weakness...and their macho image couldn't handle that.

So next time you see hubby pensive and you ask "what's wrong, hon?" and he answers with the standard "nothing, dear"........try this: sit right next to him and say something like "whatever it is, I'm sure I can make it go away" --- say it ever so sweetly and do some stroking (not in a sensual way but more like a mom giving comfort to her hurting son - you know what I mean). If hubby has a good relationship with his mom, there's a good chance transference would occur. If this happens, he'll be more open to you because in his subconscious he's taking with his mom (the last person on earth who would judge him). For most men, that's their greatest fear - they are so afraid to be judged for their inadequacies.

The stroking could be sensual too and could lead to love-making if you want it to go that far. If hubby is one of those guys who are so vulnerable at the height of passion, then it's also possible to pry into his deepest thoughts at this time.
But it's not easy to do and could backfire - like the lovemaking could drop from 100 to 0 in 1 second flat!!!
Try the non-sensual stroking first. I hope it works.

CAUTION: Please don't make a habit of it. Sometimes guys just want to be left alone. Oftentimes, there's really nothing wrong. Privacy still exists between couples - let's respect that!

Good luck, dearie.

Answer 4

I have done a fair bit of counselling in my time, and a few tricks to get the hardest person to open up is to talk about yourself a little bit. I dont mean bombard them with your feelings, just open up a little bit about yourself. If you continually ask someone what is wrong then you are kinda putting them on the spot. I will give you an example....a different approach. "Hi darling, you look a little bit down today (then give him a hug and a kiss, dont pressure him), then say, "I havent been feeling too good either today, maybe its the weather, but the woman next door really gave me the shits because she had her music up so loud I couldnt hear myself think" That is only one of a thousand examples. By approaching it this way you are taking the focus of him and putting it on you......and then it will open up the lines of communication. In time you will work out what is bothering your husband without being so confronting. By doing it this way, you are also showing him that you have feelings that you need help with. Talk about your feelings and ask for his advice....make him part of the process, not the focus, if you get what I mean.

Maybe hes never been taught to open up about his feelings. Maybe he was bought up to believe that men were the strong ones and women were the more needy. It is up to you to show him that its fine to talk about feelings, and only by talking about your own will he evenutally get used to talking about his feelings and know its OK.

Its certainly not a fool proof method, but has always worked well for me in the past. The more open you are, the more open your husband will be.

good luck

Answer 5

All men deal with their issues differently, dont wait until you see something is wrong to get him too talking . Try talking to him about different things on a regular basis. Remember some men see showing emotions as a sign of weakness, while its not that are just how some are.

Let him know that you are there and ready to talk if he wants too, so lets him know that the door is open and let him come too you when he is upset about something. And with you talking to him on good days it will help him when those times come around

Answer 6

Men I am afraid. What you have to do, is use reverse psychology. Tell hubby how sexy it is to you when he shares things that bother him with you. If he asks why, tell him that its a turn on and gives you a reason for a stress release, to enjoy yourselves. Tell him when he is worried you want to share it and talk it out together so you can have some fun and enjoy dessert. If they realises he can get what he likes the most they usually change there minds and share more. Men need to realise that we want to share everything because if makes us feel more important to them. when hubbys don't share it makes you feel like he doesn't trust you, when all you want to do is put a smile back on his face. Take care Heather

Answer 7

it's the men!! sometimes a man wants to be alone, to think things for himself, to find a solution, he thinks best when he thinks alone, men are often not very good at 'multi-tasking' he cannot be 1)talking to you, 2) thinking of some problems, 3)listening to you, 4)answering your questions, 5)the tv is on 6)the phone is ringing, he can only do one of the thing listed, eventually he'll tell you what's bugging him, but under not any circumstances are you to bugged him to tell you, for you've just turned into a nagg, what a man hates most & a great turn off for man is a nag, 4 years of marriage life is just about right for a man to know when to talk & when to shut up!!

Answer 8

You are trying to change the man you married; wrong thing to do! When you married him four years ago, you knew full well that he was not as communicative as you like. My mother told me a long time ago, "you can't make a grown person do what you want them to do." Men are action-oriented.

Answer 9

I think you can over worry this problem. Its kind of an individual thing; some guys share their feelings more. See, the problem is you could be making him clam up more by insisting that he open up. You need to stop pestering him about it or you will make the problem worse!

Just live and let live, let him open up in his own way!! Prove to him that you are someone he can confide in. Nagging him about it is a 1st rate way to make this problem worse!

Answer 10

It can be a guy thing they dont seem always to be as open as us chickys. Maybe you can say to him, that you are worried about him, that you know something is wrong and you want him to know that talking to you will at least help you understand.

Remember that most guys like to look at problems in a practical sense, so giving advice may help him turn to you for advice and opinions and will thus open him up to talking to you.