Please HELP...bumped into a violent ex boyfriend and I'm scared...?

Question

hi, in a nutshell, i'm 31 yrs old and when i was 17 i dated someone violent who did horrible things to me. Well, 14 yrs later I see him and he gives me a mean look, recognized me but didn't say anything. I saw him around maybe 3 times and each time he would break his neck to look at me. I'm married now with 2 kids but when I saw him I got chills and was so scared. My husband tells me i'm not that young girl anymore and not to feel scared but i worry still and feel sick that I still harbor scared feeling towards this monster. I want to move as I'm afraid one day of a confrontation. Please, any advice would be appreciated. Thank you very much.

Answer 1

You don't say the nature of the violence. Was it verbal or physical? I would say that this guy is probably not out to get you, because if he was, he would have found you a long time ago. Your crossing paths with him recently is an opportunity to look at yourself and see how you've grown since then, to the point that you exercised good judgment in marrying a good man, not a violent one.

Another thing to think about is men in general don't like rejection from women, and this guy is dwelling on your rejection of him from long ago. He's basically an unhappy person, and probably isn't much fun for anyone to be around. I understand your freezing up after not seeing him for so long. It must've been a shock. Decide how you're going to behave the next time you unexpectedly run into him. The best way to behave is to IGNORE HIM, AND TAKE YOUR POWER BACK. Only then will you be able to stop fearing him.

Answer 2

Call a womens assault line (u do not have to be in crisis to call) and ask them what can you do legaly with the police to make sure he does not do this to you again and get some emotional support for your fears. Fears become less and less and we realise we are stronger now. Write down in a journal every time you see him and what his reaction to you was and the date time and where you were. That way if he tries something you have documentation that he was harrassing you already and will cover your butt. So police don't think u just wanted to cause trouble, another thing you can do is call the none emergency police number and ask them what to do or if you can do anything at all to protect yourself, or take a defensive training course with police...hang in there, you find these numbers in the front of the yellow pages are all assaulted womens help lines and they can give you numbers to get emotional support for yourself too. Take care Heather

Answer 3

Violent men get off on making women afraid. Don't give him the satisfaction. Your husband is right. Don't let the sob see your fear. Make him afraid that you'll turn him in. It's all in your attitude.
Here's a simple trick you can use to get over your fear. Make a movie in your mind of your entire relationship with the prick. Start the movie just before you met him. Then play the movie in your mind. Do it several times until you can do it really fast. Then play it backwards. Then forwards, and backwards etc until you can play it backwards as fast as forwards. Then play it backwards one last time. Finish with a memory of yourself before you met him.
You'll find that the fear has weakened and that YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!
Good luck!

Answer 4

my sister was in almost the exact same position u are in. You need to get a restraining order and if possible also file criminal charges against him for battery/abuse. If anything take this seriously and contact some type of law enforcement. hope you the best

Answer 5

Please take care of yourself and stay safe. Does he have a criminal record? Consider talking to the police and see what help they may be able to offer.