Can anyone explain this behaviour?

Question

After my partner refuses to go to counselling unless all these codnitions are set, and only if we resitrict what is said, after he tells me that i am dead to him and tells me to open my own back account in 1 weeks period, after he decides that becasue i wont obey a demand to give up smoking (see my controlling posts earlier), and after me staying at my mums for the last four days. He saw a mutual friend last night and instead of just simply not wanting to talk about it he went the other way, telling her how we would love to come to dinner soon, how busy I was at work, how i would love her new house, telling her plans for our travel at the end of the year and our plans for our house. WHAT THE HELL?? What is going on here, I know he doesn't like anyone knowing anything is wrong, and that he is very good at putting up a front and that even his best friend didn't know we were arguing solid for two months but this is just weird, any explanations anyone??

How could he expect us to get past this I sent him a message saying lets go to counselling and he wont even reply to that. Maybe he thinks I will give in and come back again, and put marraige counselling away????

Answer 1

He expects you two to get past this situation.

Answer 2

I read your other post about how he is controlling you and it seems to me that he is self conscience. He doen't want to lose you, he wants to be the center of your world at all times and that usually stems from insecurity. Basically I think he is treating you this way because he is and insecure person and he tries to control your actions because hes afraid you will leave him, atleast thats what it sounds like to me
This same situation came up with my husband and me except I was in role of your husband, I was in total denial about why I didn't want my hubby going out with friends and things like that, luckily I have a husband who wanted to work this out, we sat down and had a frank talk and luckily we figured it out and I have been able to overcome it. However, with most people it will take atleast marraige counseling.

Even though I've been through this I still think it is very wrong for him to be treating you this way. If he won't seek counseling or help the chances that he is going to change on his own are very slim. If he wants to go to counseling you should try that, but you both need to be committed to doing it. If he won't go I personally don't see much hope in salvaging this relationship, it takes two you know. I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 3

ok...i did not even read all the way through this post before getting the gist of it. obviously your man is not winning in the 'control' department when it comes to you. take all of these suggestions here on yahoo answers and save yourself hon. get your own job, with your own account and divorce him. it's not worth fighting for a man that doesn't want you. he wants to control you. and controlling you is the only way that he will feel better about himself. you don't need him. run...don't walk away from him. he's also trying to get you to be jealous in order to control how you react also. don't give in to him. cause that's what he wants. stop trying to understand. just start your new life without him.

Answer 4

He wants everyone to know that everything is fine? Maybe he wants everything to be like pretend you know! He seems verry well at it from what you wrote. I think he wants everyone to believe his life is so great and its better than everyone elses. But thats just my opinion. I cant say for sure because I dont know him. Your marriage really needs help. If he wont go to counceling maybe you should go by your self at least it will help you. Since he dont want help because he dont want to face facts that there is a problem with your marriage!
Good luck! Hope it helps.

Answer 5

You can't put restrictions on therapy or it will not work. You already answered the question - he doesn't want anyone to think anything is wrong with his idyllic life.
I haven't read your previous posts but really - if you have no kids & you aren't happy with your situation 75% of the time, it's time to SERIOUSLY think about getting out.

Answer 6

Your right,he doesn't want anyone to know what's going on at home,so that was the front that he used that time.He knows there's a problem that needs to be dealt with,but he doesn't want to change anything he's doing now to deal with it.(Note),That mutual friend you too have,I would keep my eyes on her.And him.I'm just speculating,so don't go off the deep end on this.Although there is some reason he doesn't want to pay more attention to what's going on at home.

Answer 7

here is my explanation

he is a b@stard - he sounds like a control freak

obey - demand - do this do that

dont let anyone intimidate or manipulate you

leave him - stuff the counselling - he is telling other people especially women about your problems

whats next????

GET THE HELL - out !!!!

Answer 8

Denial is the first thing that comes to mind! If you don't acknowledge a problem it don't exist. Probably one of the reasons he sets so many conditions on counseling.
Probably has fears regarding failure, acknowledging a problem admits that somewhere along the line he failed.

Answer 9

Obviously he runs from his own problems (AND holds himself responsible by setting guidelines for you to follow.)


Let's look at this differently:
You want what's best for him.
You want what's best for each of you.

He wants what's best for himself.
He doesn't want what's best for you.

You my dear, are needing to go to counseling without him and do what's best for you. Go alone - because going with him is being restricted by him.

Screw him!

If he doesn't like you going, tough sh!t.

Best of luck.

Answer 10

he's so not taking you seriously - he knows you will cave eventually. he is playing games with you and pretty much just wasting your time and energy. throw in the towel. put up the flag. stick a fork in it - it's done!