I love my brother very much, but he's a deadbeat dad to his kids.
His sons are older- 11 and 16 and he never bothers to call them or anything. He doesn't keep in touch and owes thousands in child support. The 16 year old keeps contact with me and I feel like I'm the only link to his father he has. I am always careful not to talk about his dad unless he asks about him because I don't want to force a relationship on him because I understand he probably feels abandoned.
Today, my ex sister in law called and wanted my brother's phone number because the 11 year old was hurt on his bike and needed to see a dentist. She needed to know if my brother would help pay the dental bill, so I gave her the number. My sixteen year old nephew called me later to tell me his dad was rude to their mother and refused to help. I feel like I should say something to my brother, but I'm not sure it's my place. Help!
2007-03-22 12:45:08 · 20 answers · asked by i_just_wondering 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
you sure have a lousy brother . you should talk to him about how he is treating his children . not very good
2007-03-22 12:48:27 · answer #1 · answered by asphyxia 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sure is your place to say something. You have a relationship with his kids where he doesn't want to bother with them.
Say something to him! When I started reading this I swear I was reading something from my ex sister in law!!
My kids feel very abandoned by there father! The 14 year old I gave him pictures of there father and family he has them hanging in his room all over. When he is mad I know it for he turns the pictures around so he can not see his fathers face, it is truly sad!!
I do not discuss the money in child support my ex is behind for I feel this is not there place to know how much money he owes, but kids are not stupid.
It is very hard to make a father care about his kids. At times it is best to just let things lye. But I would say something to your brother! You are in the middle of all this. Those kids are his flesh and blood.
Good luck with what ever you decide and smack your brother up side the head for me (not literally of course), tell him to WAKE up.
2007-03-22 19:55:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make your brother be something that he's not.
It's a good thing the two kids have you. At least they have someone from their Dad's side of the family. They both need that.
It's sad that the boys don't have a father but you can't change that. You can only do the best that you can do for them and hope that they continue to be a part of your life. I hope you also visit them and take them out for pizza or something now and then. They need to know that they have a family and that it's not their fault their father ignores them.
You could try saying something to your brother but from the sounds of it, I doubt it will do much good.
Just keep being their family. They need you.
2007-03-22 19:52:05 · answer #3 · answered by Faye H 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First - I have to say that you are the ANGEL AUNT!!! Bless you for everything that you do in regard to keeping that relationship with those boys.
You cannot control your brother's actions. What purpose would it serve for you to say something to him about how his ex and kids say he treated her? Probably none. The next time the 16 year old complains to you - or any of them for that matter - tell them that you're sorry he acted that way - but you can't be responsible for his actions - only your own.
You are a wonderful person!
2007-03-22 20:06:32 · answer #4 · answered by liddabet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't it odd that you need a license to drive, fish or hunt, yet when it comes to being a parent, all you need is a sex drive and the right moment of conception?
I cant stand parents that refuse to parent, and when it comes to ignoring your own kids and not taking care of them I will never understand that. Shame on this "man" for doing this to his own kids. Someday when he is old and infirm and needs help those kids will tell him to go to hell and he will deserve that response totally.
I know you feel like your in the middle of this ongoing dispute between the father and the mother of these kids, and that is not a comfortable spot to be in, BUT someone needs to advocate for these children. The mother needs to see a lawyer and then friend of the court, as this man needs to have his wages garnished so she can get support. He has to be working somewhere, or is he homeless or is another woman paying his bills for him?
I wish you luck and send my blessings to the kids, my heart hurts to hear things like this, what they are going thru. Tell them that GOD loves them..................
2007-03-22 19:53:25 · answer #5 · answered by flyingdove 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel like you should, then do. Mention it as nicely as you can but I'd let him also know that you're loosing respect for him because of the way he treats his family, he still has an obligation to the kids. Hopefully he won't get to mad at you and lash out at you.
Just be there for his kids like you have been even though he's not.
2007-03-22 20:06:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it totally IS your place! he's your brother and those are your nephews. i know you love them all. you need to talk to your brother, and tell him he is ruining his life and his kids lives by not caring about them and supporting them. boys need their father in their lives or they can grow up to have a lot of problems. i can't even have kids myself. he should appreciate the fact that he even HAS children. they are a blessing from God. i feel bad for you for being in the middle of it, but thank God, his sons have you. you NEED to talk to your brother seriously have a heart-to-heart with him. ask him why he is punishing his own kids. it wasn't their choice to be born. tell him he is making a bad mistake by not being there for them.
good luck, i hope this gets better.
2007-03-22 21:17:25 · answer #7 · answered by waterlily750 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely confront your brother. The kids deserve it. Ask him, those are your kids man, what the #@$% are you doing? Theyll be scarred for life! Esp the 11 yr old knowing his father doesnt give a $#@% about his dentistry dilemma. It is your place, those are your nephews. I would be all over my brothers @$$!
2007-03-22 19:52:14 · answer #8 · answered by plainfieldcletusblue 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If I was you I wouldn't get involved, you're only going to get yourself into trouble. You may want to have your Mother talk to him, considering she is the Grandmother of his children, she probably has more influence than you do. Tell your mom and see if she'll talk to your brother, the children should get whatever medical treatment is necessary.
2007-03-22 19:54:01 · answer #9 · answered by cireengineering 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There isn't much we can do about deadbeat dads. They are everywhere. Unfortunately, not much you could say will change his mind. He is lazy and doesn't care. You can't make a person care about something.
2007-03-22 19:49:23 · answer #10 · answered by SquirrelBait 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd say the only thing you can do is be there for your nephews-you can't make someone be a dad-they have to want to be. it is his loss in the long run and some day when it is too late, he will realize that. good luck to you and your newphews.
2007-03-22 19:51:36 · answer #11 · answered by ksueditz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋