need advice?

Question

K here it is. my guy of 6 yrs and kids, packed up and moved out this is the second time he's just took off, the last was 4 yrs ago. He says we argue to much and its not a healthy home. I wanted us to go to counceling but he said no he didn't want a relationship with me anymore says who knows in the future. My family wants me to move to where they are. I need some advice should I move/stay and forget him/hope

Answer 1

The part that give it away is the fact that he said he didnt want a relationship with you, but who knows in the future. He is kinda keeping you on the side.....he is giving you hope that maybe there is a chance. Hes hedging his bets, thats what hes doing.

How about not making this about him, lets make it about you instead. Do you enjoy being treated like this? Does it make you feel good about yourself? Do you think that this is the way a man should treat his woman?

You are broken, as your name suggests, so the arguments and the lack of love has worn you down maybe to the point where you are feeling totally defeated.

Its time you took back some of your control. He has made it clear that he doesnt want to be with you...he did the same thing 4 years ago, and once again now......but he hasnt really ended it because he says who knows what will happen in the future. The future could be 2 days, a week, 10 years. How long will he be away this time before he walzes back into your life? Maybe the best bet is to actually move to where your parents are because you do need a lot of support. It would also show your husband that you are not going to hang around and wait until he feels ready to move back in.

Dont wait for him because by doing that he has total control. Whilever you are prepared to accept unacceptable behaviour from him, then he will continue to give it to you.

It will be very hard to pack up your things and move, but I think it will be even harder if you stay. This man you call your husband, has totally ignored his responsibilities to you and his children, and its time you reminded him of this. Dont argue anymore, resign yourself to the fact that your husband hasnt got what it takes to love you like you deserve.

It will take time until you get over this hurt. You will go through all sorts of negative emotions...that is all part and parcel of grief. But you have to do something positive this time. You need to get it into your head that he is not right for you, and you are going to have a say in where your future lies and not rely on what he wants. This is your life too, and you just hanging around waiting for him will only drag out your grieving process.

The fact that he doesnt want to go to counselling is a certainty he does not want the marriage to work. Move to your parents, then if he comes to his senses and he persues you asking you to forgive him, then you will be in the drivers seat and you will be in a position to give him your set of demands....that is, of course, if you still love him when he does. Maybe you wont want him back. People are funny creatures...they always seem to want what they cant have. Maybe turn this around and dont make yourself so available. If he thinks he cant have you. If he thinks you have had enough and he has really lost you, then maybe he will do a big 360.

The thing that really needs to be impressed upon you......you are not doing you or your children any favours by staying and pining. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off....pack up yours and your childrens belongs and go to your parents. Where you are now will only bring back memories. Sure, you will have memories at your parents, and you will feel very sad, but at least you have made the first step to finding yourself again.

Be assertive, be strong, and do something positive for you and your children's future.

Take care.

Answer 2

Many couples have a problem talking instead of arguing. It appears it has been quite a bit in your marriage. I would suggest you move in with your family and seek counseling for yourself. Remember it takes two people to make an argument happen. Talking is 50% listening as well as 50% talking. The listening is first for a reason. You can't hear what another person is saying if you are talking(or yelling) at the same time. I'm not trying to lay the blame for this at your feet, but when there is a problem it normally comes down to it being half your fault as well as his. He has just decided he doesn't want to deal with it anymore. Now is the time to determine what you can do to change the way you communicate to avoid this again. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Do what YOU want to do. Do YOU want to be near your family or do they make things harder for you? As far as wanting to get counseling and work things out, you cannot have a marriage with ONE person in it. Both people have to want it to work. He doesn't. You have to accept it and move on. You didn't say if the kids belong to the both of you...or if they were just his. If they're yours, fight for them. If not, then just try to realize, in love, sometimes you lose, and sometimes you win. If you lost this time, you might just win with the next one. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes you can't see that something like this really worked out for your own good, because of the pain you're feeling...but you will be okay. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other....and learn to let go. He left you emotionally long time ago.

Answer 4

Be there for her and attempt and get her to chat to her mothers and dads... by means of her speaking to them supplies her greater concepts on wether or not she desires to maintain it or perhaps adoption she has greater concepts now than she will later. Her mothers and dads will discover out ultimately in simple terms make useful that's to not overdue. And be a powerful buddy and attempt and help/instruction manual her to make the concepts she needs and not what anybody "needs" her to do because of the fact she am has to handle it in a while in life no rely what she comes to a decision... and prefer the female till now mentioned her mothers and dads will strengthen to the assumption and confident there is of venture they're going to loose it however the won't harm her or the little one. So inspire her to make her judgements which will benefit her interior the top.

Answer 5

since you both are unable to communicate with each other without having an argument, then move

do you nag him too much, are you always on his back bout something, this is what it sounds like

you can always get a order to see your kids or file for custody

if its the second time - that is really saying something

Answer 6

Sorry to hear about this, I am going through some rough times with my husband also. I say you need to think about this really good and follow whatever your heart is telling you. You deserve to be happy and so do your kids.

Answer 7

forget him move to your family he shouldn't run out it takes two to argue is it his kids or both?do what you feel

Answer 8

Take your kids and go back to your family and definitly file for child support. If he loves you he will come to you.

Answer 9

forget him and dont forget to get child support go back to your family, why would you want to stay with someone that doesn't want to stay with you?

Answer 10

Need more info in order to advise.