I need Advice please, I married this guy that has 2 kids of his own, the bio-mother does not want to hear any?

Question

We meet when his children were very small the oldest was 5 and the youngest 11 months. So we kept having problems from his x and the years went by,now its been 9years, and the mother never took the children back( she is a teacher and thinks I have to take care of them) now the father my husband tells me I have to correct them when they are wrong and help them when they need it, so the 13 year old is been on line at her moms house when she visits her(on weekends) and she's gotten on my space and started calling long distance from our home and from her cell that her dad gave to her and I checked the bills and she's been calling Miami, and contacting boys outside our state I gave her advice without screaming at her I sat down with her and told her why is not right to be soliciting boys that she doesn't know, and well she did it again .and now I got mad because she denies all of it now the boy she was talking to had his sis call our home and she cursed me out today dad still believes her

Answer 1

Show him the phone bills?

This kind of behavior is pretty normal for teenagers, I did it when I was that age. You go looking for boys outside of what you already know, they seem more exciting and so forth.

But in today's Internet world, that can be extremely dangerous. You and your husband need to get on the same page with how your daughter is communicating. It might involve limiting her Internet access, taking away her cell phone, and so forth... It won't be an easy process!

Answer 2

Oh honey...I too have a child and my husband is not the bio, however I feel very strongly that we parent together as the bio father has nothing to do w/ my sons life. If my husband is having problems w/ my son, I always back him up even if it's hard for me to see someone else disciplining MY son. So here is what you need to do. Talk seriously w/ your husband. Tell him that you never mean to step on his toes or cross, any bounderies, but you thought that you both were in this together so he needs to back you up on this. Explain the potential harm of what this my cause to your 13 yr old. It is VERY serious that a young girl like that be talking to someone who comes from a family like that. If the Sister of this guy is going to chew out YOU than what will that boy treat your 13 YO like? IT can't be good, Your husband, the girls father needs to understand you are not trying to be harsh, but protective because you love her. So just MAKE him understand. Show him the phone bills discuss it seriously. Good luck. You may want to try picking up some literature about step familes. It's difficult, but hang in there. You've gone 9 yrs and you obviously are on the right track!

Answer 3

LISTEN CLOSE...

Take that cell phone, discreetly!!! Whenever they are asleep or you see it anywhere visible and available, turn the volume on it off, submerge it IN WATER, and THROW IT AWAY at your work. DENY DENY DENY if anyone asks you about it. And if daddy buys her another one, THROW IT OUT TOO!!!! Just don't tell nobody thought!!!

For extreme situations, extreme action is needed.

Call your phone company and verify with your service provider if there is any restrictions available you could put on your phone, also get caller ID, so you know who's calling your home. (ONLY if she is using the house phone for this).

About your husband not believe you, show him the bills and the phones that are being called with times and everything... and ask him if he wants his daughter to be on the next show of "MISSING"...

Good Luck.

Answer 4

My question is...WHERE was the discipline when these children were little? If you have had the children for 9 years what were you doing in the way of discipline? Why does this child have a cellphone if SHE can't pay for it? Why hasn't your husband filed for child support from his ex if YOU two have had custody of the children? The problem isn't the child...the problem is her parents. Sounds to me as if no one wants to take responsiblity for these kids. If that's the case why aren't they in foster care then?

Answer 5

Sounds like the two of you, you and your husband, needed to come to an agreement on boundaries and responsibilities with the children. When the two of you are not in agreement, this causes discourse with the children. Both of you need to resolve this situation for the children's sake. No matter how old those children are this needs to be resolved immediately.

Answer 6

Your in a bad situation. I'd suggest that you get a temporary seperation, tell your husband your not a baby sitter and it seems your husband's believeing his kids over you, so leave. If you dont those kids are going to ruin their lives and you'll be blamed for it by your husband thats not believeing you over under aged deliquents. I'd see a attorney If you do leave, you should get half of everything except his kids.

Answer 7

Show him the phone bill and tell him to handle it.