My baby won't stop crying until I pick him up! :(?

Question

My six month old baby boy will cry until I pick him up and I am going batty! Everyone tells me it's my fault because I would pick him up every time he cried. Now I don't know what to do to break the ritual. Mind you, he doesn't do this to his daddy...only me. His dad says it's because he established the fact that he wouldn't give in early on. Naturally, I make sure that he's fed & his diaper is changed and all that good stuff before I put him down to do everyday chores. Soon as I do, he starts wailing. If I walk past and don't pick him up, he gets louder. I tried letting him cry it out, but after 45 minutes, I give in to pick him up and he immediately stops. I feel like I'm a slave to my baby...even when I'm a few feet away, he crys non-stop. I don't know what to do. Help!

Answer 1

Pick him up. Honestly, you cannot "spoil" a baby if you are meeting his needs. Babies need to be connected to their parents, but especially their mommies. "Crying it out" is not the solution, because all it does it tells your baby that no matter what he does, you will not respond to his needs. Read up on "attachment parenting", buy yourself a baby sling (almost all housework can be done while carrying a baby in a sling, trust me), carry your baby, and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. In doing so, you are building an attachment with your baby that will enable him to trust in you, trust in himself, and trust in the world. My baby, now 11 months old, cried constantly when she was a baby. I carried her most of the time in one of the several slings that we have. Now, she is the most independent secure baby (while occationally still needing to be held). You would never know the kind of baby she was. Most of all, enjoy these times to be able to cuddle and hold your baby, because soon he will be a big boy and won't need you to hold him.

**I just read everyone else's responses. Seriously, does it even make sense to make a bay cry for hours before they "learn" not to cry. What exactly are they learning?

Answer 2

First of all, it's not because you pick him up whenever he wants. You are not spoiling him!! LOL My baby is 7 months old and was doing the same thing. My pediatrician gave me a pamphlet on it- it's called Seperation Anxiety and all babies do it to varying degrees. The way you are handling it is exactly right, though. Somtimes, when my baby is freaking out and I need to get something done in the kitchen or whatever, I will put his high chair or swing in there with me and tell him what I'm doing the whole time. I also put on music and sing to him...now he's gotten pretty independent! Good luck, and don't listen to all those "you're spoiling him" people. My mom is one too!

Answer 3

Some babies are higher maintenance than others! You may have trained him that when he wants to be held all he has to do is cry...works like a charm. HOWEVER, part of this is undoubtedly due to his personality.

I do have a suggestion that you might try that is based on the "Pavlov's dog" principle. When you set baby down and he begins to cry, do not run over and pick him up. Instead, walk over to him and talk pleasantly to him. touch him, play with him...whatever settles him. Pick him up as soon as he stops crying, hold him briefly, then repeat. Don't count on actually getting too much done during this process. Hopefully, what he eventually learns is that he can be calmed down without being held and that you are actually MORE likely to pick him up when he is calm.

The main thing is to remember that this too shall pass. Before you know it he will be crawling and then toddling around and one day you will find that you have to seek him out for play rather than the other way around.

Answer 4

I found that when I carried my daughter in the Playtex hip hammock, I could still get a lot of stuff done. If I carried her around in it a lot then when I did put her down, she did not freak. I would just tell her, it's OK, I am right here......I would take her room to room with me and gradually I could leave the room....I still tell her "I'll be right back" and talk to her from the other room. Carry him in a little carrier a lot for a few days then sort of gradually start putting him down more....on his extra needy days carry him more....pretty soon he will be able to crawl/walk all over and he won't be as clingy.

Answer 5

Invest in a baby sling and wear him. It's natural for a baby to want to be held and want to be with it's mother. And it's natural for the mother to want to hold the baby. He's still so little and he needs you. You shouldn't do CIO this young or before you talk to your PED. The baby isn't old enough to know that you are trying to break his habit by letting him cry, he just knows that you are leaving him when he needs you most. Good luck, I know it's hard, but it gets easier as they get older.

Answer 6

I had the same problem with my son when he was that age. I gave in to him and babied him a lot because I worried so much (he had surgery on his stomach when he was 17 days old). The best thing to do is to let him cry it out. Put him in a playpen with a few toys to distract him from the fact that you're not there. If there is a good baby movie you have or baby music CD it may help. Make sure it's not his teeth bothering him, if he's teething. But most important is to just let him cry it out how ever long it takes. You can occasionally walk through and say something to him to let him know that you haven't forgotten about him, but DON'T pick him up. I used to put in a fun bouncy CD and do my house cleaning to it, you know something that you can dance around to. Dancing through the room with the music may let him get the idea that you still want to entertain him, but can't pick him up. It will probably take several days to get him use to the idea of not being held all the time, and it may take hours every day, but the longer you can hold out the shorter time it will take for him to calm down. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Ok well after 45 minutes THATS a while but i know its hard to not pick up a crying child but pick him up but dont do it all the time he'll soon learn that if your right there that its fine also get a baby swing and give him some toys it will keep him busy. Good Luck

Answer 8

Guess what? Babies cry and do need to be picked up. You cannot spoil a baby by picking them up.

http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/yourchild/devnews.htm
This particular article talked about the development of the child, and how they did a survey called What Grownups Understand about Child Development: A National Benchmark Survey. This survey consisted of the knowledge of 3000 people. The results of this survey were that 57 percent of parents of young children (0-6 months) and 62 percent of all adults incorrectly believe a six-month-old can be spoiled. It also resulted in that 44 percent of parents of young children and 60 percent of grandparents incorrectly believe picking up a three-month-old every time he cries will spoil the child. The article also says that you cannot spoil babies by responding to their needs. Babies do not use crying to manipulate their parents, they cry when something is wrong. From day one, infants and young children need to be responded to, so they can develop trust that their needs matter to the adults in their lives. When you don’t pick up a crying baby, his or her stress levels will grow, which slows learning.

Answer 9

well, I just read through the first few answers, and I am amazed that everyone is telling you that you need to leave him to cry...
He is only going to be this little once. Do you want to look back on his babyhood and think 'I let him cry the whole time' OR do you want to look back on fond memories of cuddling and playing together?

I cuddled my daughter whenever she cried, and would do housework when she took naps. I now have a very secure 22 month old who comes to me occasionally, but is happy to play away from me for most of the day. She isn't spoiled, and I don't think your son will be either.

So cuddle him!
He's too young to cry it out, especially since he doesn't understand why mommy can't pick him up.

Answer 10

Awww I go through the same thing from time 2 time with my 7 month old. It seems like she will be calm and quiet with Daddy but as soon as I walk in she starts to cry and won't stop until I pick her up. But this is what I found to work for her. She loves music and she loves 2 hear me sing. Once she starts to cry, I'll pick her up and sing to her until she stops crying. Then I will slowly put her down, still singing, and walk away. I will start to sing louder and louder so she can still hear me as I leave the room, and she'll start smiling and clapping her hands. I figured she just likes to know that Mommy is nearby. Maybe U should try that with Ur little one.

Answer 11

You cannot spoil your baby and he is not manipulating you. He spent 9 months being carried around by you, he enjoyed it. With my daughter, I tried different things. A soft baby carrier was nice. I could have her close to my chest but still have my hands free. I also had a bouncy seat and I would have that on the counter while I would make dinner. I would talk to her and rub her tummy or play with her feet or something. Basically, I would make sure she could still feel me and hear me and it was a very gradual process. I don't recommend just leaving him to scream and cry. That makes him feel bad and you. Most importantly, do what you feel comfortable with.