MOTHER-IN-LAW trouble!!!!!!!!!!!Please read my blog its kind of long ,and give some advice?

Question

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-tH4UY.E8crVZxXvb5MqP2vZA

Answer 1

I know how you feel. My mother in law only has 5 grandchildren. 4 of them speak Spanish because they are from Hispanic mothers. (My hubby is hispanic.) She is always getting all her friends to come to birthday parties and other events. She even lends out money to them like every day is there birthday. Not that I need anything from her but the offer would be nice. What finally made me say something was when she had known about my son's birthday party for 2 months and we talked to her about it once a week. The week before the party I asked my sister in law if she was coming to his party and she said that we could not have the party that day because my mother in law was throwing her baby shower that day. I went off!!! She finally felt bad enough to tell the hispanic daughter in law that they would do it in a couple of weeks. She did however make sure none of her friends came. She constatly is buying the other kids or watching them so their parents can have time to go out. When we ask, she offers to the others, she says she has things to do. I just don't involve my son with her and her other family. It hurt when my son didn't get a Christmas present and her other grand kids got 5 a piece. I even bought her kids a present. They have no idea of anything that goes on in his life and I just told her that it hurts him to see what she does and how excited she gets over the other grandchildren and she does not even say hello to him. I told her to forget that she even knows that he is her grandchild. Since then she has called and tried to take him for visits and I just told her it is too late.

Answer 2

This is kinda long!

Goodness, girlfriend. I think our motherinlaws should go bowling. I know it is hard. But sometimes you just need to let things go, for the sake of your children. In this case it IS easier said than done. My parents have like 20 something grandkids and 2 greatgrandkids. My inlaws have 6. My mom tries to treat them all fairly and come Christmas or birthdays she is always there with the gifts. My inlaws are divorced now. My fatherinlaw was always the one who tried to keep things balanced, or so I think. Now that they are no longer together, you can see big discrepancies. It took me all of our marriage to let it go (12 years this year, 10 of them were spent arguing over this); it too caused big fights between my spouse and I. His response was the same as your spouse. We moved away last year and I must say it has been easier to handle, my spouse was out of town a lot before we moved and she never called to check on the kids. She always said she knew they were in good hands. And they were, but crap, pick up the phone every once in awhile. My spouse finally talked to his mom and she said she would try. She calls like once a month, if that. I have nothing to say to her. Give it up, let your spouse handle it. He finally told the boys to call her by her name and not grandma because she didn't deserve the name. But that was anger talking, I am sure he didn't mean it. I sometimes say stuff I shouldn't about her to them, but they are old enough to see the differences, too. Kids notice everything. If it really is necessary, talk to her. Be nice, just mention what you have noticed and how you feel and how your kids feel. She may twist it around on you but at least you know that she knows she has been caught. Forget the blankets, they won't be made with goodness from her heart, it will be an obligatory thing, an afterthought. Good luck and if you want email me or something!

Answer 3

I would be pissed....matter of fact I HAVE been pissed and I did NOT hold my tongue.

My best advice is to talk to the in-laws directly without the children or your husband present. Maybe prepare what you feel is important to say, try to be relaxed, calm and direct, speak your mind without getting into a "screaming match". Let them know how it affects the children, the things the kids say about being left out, let them know you are not okay with them making promises they don't keep, etc...

Try to keep the conversation at a professional level, it isn't about you or the in-laws, it is about what is best for the children. Remind yourself that and remind them of this also.
If you fear there might be a confrontation that you want to avoid, possibly e-mail or snail mail communications would be best.

Hope this helps you, it worked for me.

I also want to mention that if this doesn't work, don't make excuses for the in-laws and don't lie to your kids, most kids are smart enough to see through that. Put it back on them, by telling your kids you don't know why and have them call the grandparents directly with their questions...

Answer 4

After reading that blog, it sounds like my life. Except I am the grandchild. My grandmother made quilts for all the grand kids, except for me and my sister. I understand exactly where you are coming from. It's not the stupid blanket, it's the point of the matter. My sister and I were virtual outcasts in my family. It had nothing to do with us, it had to do with my family. They are a strange brew. My cousins, aunts, and uncle all lived on the same street as my grandmother and grandfather. They were showered with attention and time from her. I was lucky if they visited me once a month for 10 minutes of their precious time. My sister still crys about it sometimes (she's 43 by the way). I don't let it get to me. My father died 5 1/2 years ago. And with him went any reationship with my extended family. I haven't seen or spoken to them for 5 1/2 years. My father's funeral. I know how upsetting this is to you, all I can say is don't harp on it. It's not your husbands fault his famiy is the way they are. He has no control over them at all. Yes he could bring it up, but it wouldn't change anything. It is sad. I know and it is also very frustrating, because you feel your kids are being rejected. Simmer down a bit. You are angry, but don't direct your anger at your husband. Direct it where it belongs. Just llike you don't like being the fall guy for their actions to your kids, your husband probably doesn't like being the fall guy to you. My dad was condidered the "Black sheep" of the family, becasue he didn't live on the hill next to my grandmother and the rest of the family. We didn't live far maybe 10 minutes away, but we all suffered the wrath because of my dad. Since he didn't conform to the rest of them, he, nor his kids, were accepted to the level of the ones that did conform were. It may be the same ting with your husband. Just concentrate on your family and don't worry so much about his. Don't worry about shielding his parents any more either. The kids already know. I know my sister and I did. When we visited I always got to hear how proud they were of my cousins for some thing that they did. They had pictures of them all over the house and maybe 1 of us. We weren't stupid we saw the favoritism.
I am an adult now with 2 kids of my own. It's funny that my kids have gotten the short end of the stick with my husbands family too. My husband addressed this with his parents and they said it was in his head and he was jealous. He's not. Nothing has changed. My neices and nephews are still favored. My in-laws will get them for the weekend all the time. They have never taken our kids. They are about the same age, and our kids are very well behaved. I used to try to make excuses for my in-laws too. But my kids are 5 and 7. They tell me that grandma is a liar when she says she'll come visit them. They know she's not going to. Kids are smart. My in-laws, not so much.They just see what they want to see. We both used to get upset (he still does) I just figure it's their loss now. Don't be angry with your husband. It's not his fault.

Answer 5

I can relate. My mother-in-law favors her daughters children more then ours. I USED to get upset, Why because I had the expectation that they should except me. They (the women, not the men in the family)are nice to me but I am/was left out of some family gatherings. I healed my rejection by letting go of those expectations.
Expectations are premeditated resentments! So I don't expect anything from them and have let go emotionally. At our sons graduation the whole family came and fussed on what a nice family we have..did I care, no way!I just smiled and said thank you. I choose to be surrounded by people who love, care and support me and place my energy in them. My hubby also used to think I was overreacting and took the low road but I have come to realize it was not he didn't care, it was that our family was more important.

All of my in laws live out of state, we are the only local family for my mother-in-law. They never call when they come in we find out by chance. I do her grocery shopping weekly and take her for appt's with a smile on my face, why? Because it is my hubby's mother and my children's grandmother. I choose to set a good example of a caring and mature person for family. Good luck and please dot take their rudeness personally.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.. Ghandi

Answer 6

You and your fiance are lengthy over due for a major speak approximately your long run in combination. The quicker you 2 get at the identical web page the happier you're going to be. If he may not rise up for you you then must get a few counseling to make a decision what you wish to do subsequent. He sounds a little bit to based on momma and he or she sounds moderately off to me.

Answer 7

No matter what the situation I would speak up and say something since your husband doesn't have a back bone! i would walk straight up to my mother in law and ask her if our kids' blankets were ready yet?

Screw keeping the peace for there sake. Your kids should come first. What kind of man/family did you marry into!

Answer 8

My heart breaks for you. They are set in their family ways. You cant change that! But comfort your children letting them know that you and daddy love them!
I understand that it hurts to see your kids hurt. But some things we cant protect our kids from. One is a thoughtless in-law!
Good luck!

Answer 9

I hear you. You need to speak up and put them in their place. It's obvious that hubby isn't going to and it's your child's well being at stake. They can get mad all they want, but they can also get over it. As far as hubby saying something to you.. flat tell him that you did since he wouldn't !!