I have known for about a month, she did it twice with two different men, i still love her and she loves me, she regrets what she did and wants us to stay together, i am split between my love for her and what she has done, what should i do?
2007-03-22 09:48:06 · 42 answers · asked by Kurly Man 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if she is showing remorse, and she knows what she did hurt u, and has promised to end it, and it isn't a pattern of behavior, than u need to give her another chance, as everyone deserves one chance but u will need to make it crystal clear what the boundaries are, and what will happen if they are crossed again. and if they are u will have to end it, because u can't just let someone dump on u, and disrespect u. confront her and tell her how u feel, and that u won't be able to forgive her the next time. but anything broken can be fixed, providing both partners are willing to work hard to bring the marriage back to where it once was.
2007-03-22 10:00:34 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Choose what you want to do. If you love her, you love her. However the reason you are struggling or split is because a basic truth has been violated...and that is the trust from the heart, and the fidelity you both agreed to when you started the relationship. It has changed so this really needs to be looked at.. and you must both choose what to do. If obligation, guilt, or expectation become the deciding factors in staying together...well then the love is doomed. It would perhaps help if you had some professional counseling, just to perhaps define where you are, and where you want to go. But ultimately where you are going must be congruent between the two of you or you circle back into the same cycle...
2007-03-22 10:12:53 · answer #2 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your being torn to a point.
Now, you have a biblically sound reason to divorce her, but you dont have a mandate to do so. God tells us that the only reason he accepts for divorce is because your mate cheats on you, but he doesnt say we have to divorce them if they cheat.
You also have to ask yourself these things and give yourself honest answers to these questions.
Did you have any part in her cheating on you? Were you cheating or not giving her sex regularly?
Can you honestly forgive her? Can you forget what she did, at least 60% of the time you look at her or have sex with her?
How sorry is she and why so? I mean, does she love you or just like that you help pay her way? Is she really sorry or sorry that she got caught?
You have to live with the decision you pick, and no matter what happens, everyone will have advice or a view of it. Accept that now. Some will think you a fool, others will think you a saint.
If you do keep her, I would suggest this to you though. Get a lawyer. Make sure there is legal evidence or an admission on her part. Then have a contract made that spells out that if she does it again, you get everything hands down and that she has to pay you a certain amount. If she wont agree to this, drop her.
2007-03-22 10:04:21 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know a little about this -- I was unfaithful in my marriage one in 16yrs -- I came clean with my Husband and we realized that there was something wrong in the marriage and we decided that our love for each other was strong enough to overcome this and to work on the problems. Every marriage is different and both of you need to sit down and really talk about why she did this -- There are to many marriages ending everyday that is the easy way out -- staying together is the hard part at first but is does and will get better. -- I do also feel that if she feels like she can not stop doing this she need to ask herself if she really does love you?
P.S,. I know your split between your love and what she did but if you can forgive her you can learn to trust her again, and she need to know that she will have to earn your trust all over again
2007-03-22 10:21:59 · answer #4 · answered by blondie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still love her, don't give up. Let her know that you can put this behind you, but she has alot to do to earn back your trust. Talk to her, if you feel she is sincere and you have a good thing, don't let it go. That is the problem today. To many people would rather walk away then try to stay and make things work. People need to stay through the bad times, and work through them instead of calling it quits. I think that is the problem with most marriages and relationships today. That being said...trust is important. So she has to be willing to do what it takes to get that back. And you need to find why she felt the need to cheat. You both will have to work on fixing those problems.
Good luck.
2007-03-22 10:15:09 · answer #5 · answered by Ammikins 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Twice......with 2 different men? That is pretty bad.....obviously there is something going on for her to go out and do this...twice. Are you sure she didn't do it on purpose so you would find out and she could get dumped, rather then leaving you? What was her explanation for what motivated her to have random sex with two different men?
I don't think there is any kind of quick fix or band-aid for this. You need to get to the root of why this happened in the first place or you are just setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache.
2007-03-22 10:07:18 · answer #6 · answered by Clarissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm gonna go with my idea of "once a cheater always a cheater". At least if she did it once, ok maybe it was a mistake then. But when she did it the second time, that is just unforgiveable. After the first time, she shouldv'e realised she loved you and will never do that again, but to do it again, she clearly proved that theory wrong.
I can't tell you exactly what you should do, but if I was in your situation, it'll be over. If you have kids then maybe try and sort something out, but I can;t tell you what to do, but just think about it.
2007-03-22 11:23:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about the reason why she did it , twice with two different men , is she sex mad or may be there is something missing between you and her and she tries to find it elsewhere ?( i don't mean sex only ) . Talk to her if necessary .
Might be you two are stuck in the same old routine and it is time to change your ways , go on exotic holiday or do something totally different TOGETHER .
It is only a suggestion .
GOOD LUCK
2007-03-22 11:42:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ohh my goodness.......My first question is how can you truely love someone that you can not truely trust. She has proven to be untrust worthy more then once in more then one relationship, so the problem is not who she is with but her. You can not change who she is and something this tragic does not change over night. Yes I am sure she feels bad but does she feel bad because of hurting you or because of gettting caught. Obviously the latter because she did not care of hurting the others. If you stay in this relationship you will always be dwelling with the thought is she telling the truth. Everytime something comes up suspious these feelings of betrayal will always flood you. I know you say you love her but hun Love yourself more and respect yourself enough to let her be someone elses problem and find someone who is faithful and is worth the love you have to offer.
2007-03-22 09:58:24 · answer #9 · answered by Rigssy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bank on your love for her, my husband cheated on me to. I didn't think I could live with the thoughts, I eventually became obsessed with it, I thought about what he did constantly, then I went through a faze of dis-trusting him. There are many painful fazes, but if you two are still in love, seek some counseling and try to work through this. Counseling worked for us and we have been working through this for 10 years, now it's much less painful for me and I have moved on. But the scar will always be there. People are just people and we all make mistakes.
Good luck!
2007-03-22 09:53:30 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle Lynn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋