Thoughts on my poetry?

Question

I'm thirteen, and I've been finding a lot of poems written by thirteen years olds on this site that I quite honestly don't find very good at all. But, I just wanted to know what people thought of my poetry. It's not about love, sadness, teen life, how much I hate people, but it's one of my poems. It's one of the poems I think it kind of average compared to the rest of my stuff.

"Waking"

Waking up hurts
Upon the embossed knives we left ourselves on
To find yesterday was not a dream
To find the pitchforks of resent aimed in your direction

The world we fear
Our dreams a haven: a fort
Life, a war we must win

Waking pains you
Gasping and breathless at the world we have created
You close your eyes and wish upon-
The indulgence of sleep

Waking minds reveal to you
The reality you could not bear face
The courage you have-
To fight the battle everyday

Waking up hurts
Your bleeding soul bitter and worn
And the spears of life once again thrown at you

Answer 1

Not too bad at all. But I'm not quite sure you've convinced the reader of your empathy. It slightly sounds like this is something you've never actually experienced, and that you were just trying to be dramatic. But I do agree, it is better than most that I see on this site, especially for a 13 year old. Keep writing, and over time you will see natural improvement, whether you realize it or not. Just be sure to write about what you know and what is actually there, just like in painting how you're supposed to draw what you see, not what you think is there.

Answer 2

Very nice. Kind of reminds me of how I feel most times. I'd rather be sleeping comfortably than dealing with wakeful problems. But as you say, Life is Life, and I gotta win.

cheers!

Answer 3

I like it reminds me of being born thru death

Answer 4

-snores-