after 23 yearsof marraige,thinking of divorce,,hewatches porn daily; says it has nothing to dowith me;its a man thing...somewhat thoughtless in words and actions and no thrill in bed...the loveb is there but the actions are not..many nights spent crying to myself, have begun to self medicate to numb the pain..has had affairs although he denies it and again while seemingly tender in some ways; in other ways if i allow can make me feel bad about myself...he had said that thru the years, i had missed some of the greatest moments in our marraige due to anger yet thru his online affairs i feel he has contributed to the situation, as you can see, i have no one to share this with but the online people..tired of feeling the way i do and tired of feeling so imcomplete...he watches acts on adult sites that he doesn't even try with me and now i am almost out of the door...think i am wrong; think i am being un fair...please shareyour thoughts
2007-03-22 09:32:41 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry to say, but I think you are right, it may be time to leave or at least separate for a while. He needs to wake up and realize what he has in front of him instead of trying to find his thrills on the internet. If your not ready to leave yet, take his porn away and get rid of the internet. He needs to be aware that his actions are not only destroying his marriage, but they are also destroying the woman he married. Self medicating is very dangerous and I would recommend you quit doing so. If neccesary, go to the doctor and tell them how you are feeling and have him presribe something for you. Good luck. Email me if you want to talk about it.
2007-03-22 09:55:22 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I truely feel sorry for all the time you have dedicated to this marriage and yet it seems some of it was a waist. I would cut off the internet if that is a source of your problems. Secondly he treats you like this because you allow him to. If he truely was into having the relationship stronger then you two need to talk and comprimise on what you will allow him to do and let him know that going past what you feel is appropriate makes you feel less of a woman. The ultimate decision is yours you can be in a marriage and be alone or you can just choose to divorce him be alone. Hopefully he will make the right choice but leave the choice to him but take back the control you have given him and stop allowing this to continue.
2007-03-22 09:49:55 · answer #2 · answered by Rigssy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you are at all being unfair....I think you have supported him and stood by him for 23 years and if anything the one that has failed in this marriage is him. He has done absolutely nothing to make things correct or to mend the hurt and pain he has caused you all these years. It's surprising to me that you have stood this long and I feel your only freedom is the door to your home that is waiting to be open. I know its hard for you to probably even think this way, but it seems as if it wasn't hard for your husband to betray you and your vows. I think you should tell him that you need some space and time to sort out your marriage and to see if its worth it and healthy for you to move forward with him. Allow yourself the peace and dignity that you well deserve.........Be well and hope everything works out****
2007-03-22 09:52:21 · answer #3 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your not wrong. I would not want or allow my husband to be online at all in my house period. You have been together for a long time try to work it out Ask him why he cant do this stuff with you. If you tried everything then you need to think about leaving him honestly you deserve more at lease another 23 more happy days good luck dont give up on him yet.
2007-03-22 09:53:27 · answer #4 · answered by keena 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He watches porn every day???? Hon, your self esteem has been chiseled away by this man. You are crying and he denies affairs. Go away from the house... maybe to a quiet park, but away from the place where there are memories of you and him. Then, make a list of reasons you should stay and reasons you should go. Be very honest with yourself, but if you decide to stay... know that you cannot change him. Can you continue to live this way??? God bless... now take care of yourself and your self respect.
2007-03-22 09:49:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I personally think counseling is an absolute waste of money. The people I know that went through it divorced anyways. There is no cure for porn addiction - I don't care what anyone says but again, there is no cure for porn addiction. Nor do leopards change their spots - once a cheater...you know the rest. I suggest getting a divorce and moving on. I feel for you....
2007-03-22 09:47:01 · answer #6 · answered by Lilith 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the LH, you need to seek some counseling. If not for the both of you then for yourself. Sounds like he is chipping away at any self confidence you may have left. I do not think you are wrong or being unfair. There are two people in your relationship and it sounds like he thinks there is only one: him. Good luck and I hope things work out for the best!
2007-03-22 09:47:03 · answer #7 · answered by ESTamez 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
23 years is a very long time but if you are truly unhappy you need to leave.
2007-03-22 09:44:32 · answer #8 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You guys need a long talk. It's been 23 years, seek counceling.
2007-03-22 09:41:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Those affairs would of been enought to send him right out that door and slam it shut in his face with the understanding that this welcome mat has been brought in for good. What's taking you so long to bring in the welcome mat?
2007-03-22 09:48:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋