Mother In Law totally does not acknowledge me...?

Question

She does not call our house phone, only calls my husband on his cell. Registered my husband to a mens conference, booked and paid for his flight & hotel, but didn't even call to check if we had plans or anything going on during that time. It really angers me sometimes, but most of all it hurts my feelings. She will never outright say anything mean, or negative to me, I suppose her way of hurting me is to just plain ignore me. Here's what recently took the cake, she wanted to borrow $5000.00 from my "husband" until the end of June, but since we're married this should be a joint decision. I say no!! What would any of you do?? Or have any one of you ever been in this situation?

We have been married for almost 6 years in July.

Answer 1

borrowing money should be a joint decision- have a contract drawn up that will require all signatures this way she will know he has talked about this with you. Because you have never said anything you have given her free reign to do as she likes. TIME for a serious chat with her.

Answer 2

That is a really tough question. On one hand I see your point, because she doesn't respect you and pretty much ignores your existence, but on the other hand it is his mother. How can you not let him help her? It depends on what the money is for too. If it's to pay the mortgage so she 's not homeless, I would lend the money, if it's for a family vacation or something else like that, I would make it very known I was against it and why. You husband isn't innocent in this either. He lets his mother treat you with disrespect. You need to talk to him and tell him that by standing on the side lines and not sticking up for you it's as bad as if HE was the one ignoring you. there are bigger issues than just his mother going on here. you need to have a frank discussion with your husband, or your marriage is going to be doomed. you won't put up with his mom's behavior forever. Eventually you will leave, any self respecting person would, and you need to make that clear to your husband.
Good Luck.

Answer 3

I have a peach for a mother-in-law too. I have been married for 11 years. It only got better when I was able to get my husband to recognize his mother's behavior for what it is.

Your main problem is with your hubby. He needs to set limits with his mom and expectations for how she is to treat you. For the first lesson, he should tell her he can't attend the conference. If she loses her money, so be it. Next time, she won't be so quick to make plans without asking.

As for the $5000.00, it should be a joint decision between you and your husband.

You are never going to have a warm relationship with this woman, but she should treat you respectfully. If your husband won't listen to you, it's time for counseling.

Answer 4

6 years, huh? Not married, never been in such a situation (my disclaimer) but IMO: your husband is just as responsible for entertaining this behavior as you are for not putting an end to it. Talk about a joint decision: how about you and your husband jointly decide on what is and what is not appropriate and respectable to your marriage. Seems overdue and besides, she probably needs the 5K after paying for the conference.... :-)

Answer 5

Your husband'd loyality comes FIRST to you his wife.
He should respect his mother , but he is no longer under her care. He is grownup and has his own family. He NEEDS to be the one to set limits on him. In a way she is slapping him in the face by being mean to you. If he is an honorable man.


Your husband needs to sit down with you and write out a guidline of boundries for her and for each other. Get some counseling if you can.

Answer 6

wow. I would also say no because since she is only asking your husband for the money and she should of not paid for the conference and flight for your hubby. Anyways just stay away from her she is not worth your time.

Answer 7

I would say no. Why did she waste her money booking him in to a conference without even asking him and now wants to borrow money. Since you are both in this marriage it should be discussed between the two of you.

Answer 8

I have some interesting mother in law antics. She condones her other son uninviting me to his house for Christmas (they wanted my husband there without me...not going to happen). If he mentions any argument or anything (milder than average, I'd say) she tells him that she told him not to marry me. She tried to get him to go on her family vacation without me. Yes it hurts. When we chose our men though, we also marry the family. We can chose to avoid/ignore, but my husband and I both made a joint decision that neither of us goes to our families without the other one.

Answer 9

Get ready to have that big fight with hubby.
Because even if you say no ,mommy is going to get that 5000.00 bucks from him.
She sounds just like my ex-mother in law a Bitc*, I was happy she ignore me.
but when I figured out all the financial help she needed and that my ex was let say her person bank,I want out and opened my own bank account.
If he wanted to help mommy dearest he did it with his money not my.
And I let her know that to.

Answer 10

Tell the evil ***** off. And your husband. If he's not standing up for you to his mommy, he loves her more than you. I know this is very similar to my last marriage. Don't live an abused life, it's not fair to you or any children you may have. And children won't make her love you, they become more ammo against you.