Has anyone else heard this from their spouse? My husband told me today that he loves me, but there are things about me, and when I do these things he is not even attracted to me as a person. He cant stand me at moments. He says I am negative, and one of the least motivated people he knows. . . =( I am trying to not be negative, and I am planning on going to school so I can get a good job. .I have been researching it online today, and it was something we both decided on fully last night. I think I am depressed as well. I ws going to make a doctors appt for that. The other night after a fight, he went to the garage and stayed out there for about an hour and a half, then came back and told me he was going to move out. Then we talked and he said he loves me and could never leave me. I dont know what to do. I am trying to be positive...
2007-03-22 09:18:41 · 16 answers · asked by Kari R 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To the person who said get a job- I actually have a job right now thanks. But I want something better. And he wants something better for me as well. Thats why he suggested I go to school. And then I can do that full time and work part time during the evenings.
2007-03-22 09:25:55 · update #1
He said that I am the least motivated person he knows, besides himself. And this whole conversation started at lunch today, I ate some of my food, but got full. He noticed my plate and asked why I wasnt eating, I told him I ate what I could and was full. Then he started saying that I didnt think the food was good enough or something. And that I am not going to even try to do anything and all the stuff I mentioned above. And that he is pissed that he will have to put up with me for the rest of his life. But he will probably say he is sorry for that last comment and the reason he said it is cause he was mad, like he always says when he says something that isnt that nice.
2007-03-22 09:32:19 · update #2
Wow that is a hard blow and a reality check. When you see yourself do you think you are happy? If not then why? The best thing about life is you have the power to change what you don't like about it. Do you see yourself as negative and in what areas are you negative about? Depression is a big negative but you have to make the appointment to get better. If these things that your husband are telling you are things that you look at and agree with him that adjusting or fixing them will improve you then work for that goal. Now if he is wanting you to change to better fit him then forget it, he knew you when he married you and should accept you for you.
2007-03-22 09:29:03 · answer #1 · answered by Rigssy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have you changed a lot since you two got married? if not then tell him he knew you well enough to marry you and if he doesn't like you for who you are then piss off. nobody is perfect everyone has flaws. so what if you are unmotivated? so am i, so is my husband and we have a nice life and are happy most of the time. that is a nasty thing for him to say that he cant stand you sometimes. He should be focusing on the positive in your personality. HE sounds like the negative one here.
2007-03-22 16:29:09 · answer #2 · answered by Arraya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is one thing to talk about going back to school and seeing a doctor, yet another thing to actually do them. You need to follow through and do these things. If you are depressed, negative, and unmotivated, I could see where he'd be sick of you. You might also consider some psychological counseling, maybe even marriage counseling.
2007-03-22 16:25:47 · answer #3 · answered by javelin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Accept your flaws and how them are pushing your man away.
If you persist with your negative behaviour and your lack of motivation to be productive, then you man would walk away...and rightfully so!
There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. It seems to me that your husband got fed up hearing your excuses. Trying and doind are two differnt things, it seems that you got stuck on "trying" and not doing anything.
If you are depresses, seek help. "Trying" to seek help is not going to do. Same with getting a job or enrolling in school... "trying" is just not cutting it anymore.
Good luck
2007-03-22 16:26:50 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's great. If he can actually articulate what turns him off, then you have something to work with.
Be grateful he is open, even if you don't like what he is hearing, and then demonstrate a willingness to address those things you do that destroy his romantic love for you.
It may hurt, but this is good. He trusts you enough to tell you exactly how he feels.
2007-03-22 16:23:34 · answer #5 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it must be hard to live with a negative and depressed person. Maybe it's best if you try some professional counselling.
2007-03-22 16:55:09 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get rid of his manipulating a** this isnt love,i could never tell the love of my life this,that is if i ever find him.do these things for yourself and not for him,cause it doesnt sound like hes going to be happy even if you achive these goals. ONLY MY APPENION! TOO MEAN TO YOU.
2007-03-22 23:18:52 · answer #7 · answered by caviler2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he sees that you are truely doing something to get out of this funk.. maybe he will feel better. Try comedy it works.
2007-03-22 16:23:32 · answer #8 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to take a chill pill, there are things about him that get on your nerves and if he keeps this crap up, you will leave.
2007-03-22 16:34:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I recommend you beat him every morning and evening until he gets his act together. Sometimes words just don't get the job done.
2007-03-22 16:23:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋