Marriage Issue...What can I do?

Question

me and my husband are a young couple we've been together for five years and have only been married for less than a year. we have a 15mo old daughter. she's wonderful. lately for a couple of months now, me and my husband started growing apart. we've changed in many ways, it's come to the point that i feel like were just roomies that share a pet KID. we love our daughter very much and don't really want to seperate, the only way we can really get rid of each other is if we break any marriage laws, such as dying and cheating. both of which were not planning on doing. anyway, i'm pretty much the only one that's unhappy in the relationship. i need to be loved and comforted...i need that rock that i used to hold on to whenever the waves of life drag me down...he used to be wanting when it comes to sex...now he doesn't even mention it...what's going on? i've been a good wife...could he be cheating? honestly if that is the case I'd be more than happy to get rid of him. it's sad...wut can we do?

Answer 1

This is very normal in any marriage, whether you've been married 1 year or 20 years. This is the part where TRUE love comes in. Love is not that butterfly feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when someone walks in a room like most people think. Thats infatuation. Real love is when a man and woman have been married for a while and they know how to make things work through thick and thin. Things have gotten boring for you, and comfortable for him. He feels like he has you now, no need in trying to entertain you anymore. And whether you want to admit it or not, you've gotten pretty comfortable with him. You have to keep things spiced up in a marriage. Do something different. Go out on a date, go for a walk in the park or just stay at home and watch a good movie together. You need some time to yourselves. But most importantly you need to talk to him and let him know you don't feel loved or appreciated. Be sure to come across as concerned and not demeaning. The worst thing you can do to a man is hurt his pride. Let him know you love him and you want this family to work. Think about why you feel in love with him in the first place. I don't think hes cheating, I think you both just need a little pinch, you're falling asleep in your marriage. Its work, no one said it was easy. Good luck to you both :)

Answer 2

Well, sorry to say it seems like there is not much to do. If you are unhappy then get out. If you do want to work things out than by all means do so but when a man stops wanting sex, there is definitely a problem. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years (it will be 6 in May) and he wants it everyday, a few times a day and on weekends, forget it…I’m out of commission, by Monday morning, I can’t even walk. My point is that your husband not wanting sex is BIG clue. It’s not like you just had your daughter (some men do get a little squeamish especially if the witnessed the birth) so he has no excuse. I know you took vows and you should respect them but if you both aren’t happy, what’s the point? You’re going to end up messing up your daughters’ childhood. Take it from me, being constantly in the middle of an arguements is hard on a kid...especially when they think it's about them and let's face, all kids think its about them. Good Luck!

Answer 3

I think this is a matter of you both sitting down and talking. A lot of couples do that. They sit together, talk about how they're relationship is going and tell each other what do they like and what don't they like about each other. You have to be really honest. Now, the fact that you're unhappy doesn't necesaraly mean he's cheating. Remember, we all can draw conclusions from one another, but can we prove them? Probably not.

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. You maybe surprised to see that it's probably the only thing that you both need: communication, honesty with each other, and finding out the other person's needs. Plus, when you talk to each other that way, you find out many things, (i.e. if he really doesn't love anymore, or if he's cheating on you). Mention the fact that you're not blaming him, but just want to find out what happened to the good relationship you guys used to have. Finally, remember one simple rule: When you're talking about each other, start with yourself. Be humble and let him know that you're willing to change for him if it has to come to that and explain that you have done it in the past.

If, indeed, you notice that the love is gone down and you really just need a change in your life, see if you can change that yourself as a couple. Always try to save your relationship!

If he is cheating on you, it's up to you if you want to leave him. Forgiveness of such matter is one of the greatest and most humble human sacrifices ever. But, if you decide to leave him do it wisely.

Finally, think of your daughter. When I was young my parents divorced and believe me when I say it to you: It's not healthy for your kids emotional stage especially at that age. Think about her and about her future. Most stupid parents don't even think about how it will affect the family. Don't be like that, be smarter and wiser.

Remember only you can help yourself, i can only give you some advice and encourage you but it's you who will, ultimately, make the last decision. Let it be the wisest. See ya and e-mail me if you need anything else.

Answer 4

Give it time, you just had a baby , the roles of the couple have changed and you both have to adjust to that . It is very hard to do for even a mature couple, being young makes it a little harder.

In a marriage you will have ups and downs and the downs are not fun, but it doesn't mean that the air will not clear up.

Doing something together without the baby might help you both find each other again. If there is love and respect , hang in there.

It is OK to tell him what you need. Guys are not very bright when it comes to matters of the heart. You have to put verbs in your sentences" I want you to hold me when you come home" I need you to kiss me good night" try it out...

Good luck

Answer 5

Reconnecting after the birth of a child is something that most couples must work to acheive. It sounds like you as a couple have let this go unnoticed. I know it sounds hard, but try to have a sit down conversation with him when the baby is not there, or sleeping. Sometimes getting the truths out, even if they are painful at first, is very helpful and then you can work past it. You were happy and in love once, you can be again.
Best of luck to you

Answer 6

No matter what, don't let yourself go. Become that same woman you were when you guys first met. You make think you are that same person, but its just mind playing tricks on you. Think about it, theres something thats turning him off from you. The only to do is become what he was turned on by in the fist place. Alot of women let themselves go after having a child, not saying this is true for you, but its common. I have dated all sorts of women and I grew up around them. So that best thing to do at this point to save your relationship is go out get yourseld "did" up. Try to keep your appearance and sex appeal alive. Don't harass him, just give him a little space and just become very submissive. If he hasn't already cheated then this will make think if is thinking about cheating. Offer to do something that you guys never done before, explore something different. 5 years is quite a while, and thats too long to throw it away over nonsense. You said you need to feel loved, but I warn you, alot of women mess up at this point. DONT CHEAT, no matter what, it'll make things worse and then here comes the divorce and the child custody bull crap. If you cheated, guess who is going to win! You just have to stand up and be a real woman and dont let go. To summarize, keep yourself up and act like you just met him for the first time. This could help if you are turned off by him also. Good Luck and God Bless!!!

Answer 7

You guys are in an established routine that happens to all married couples who let it happen. Start setting up some couple time with him - find a babysitter and just do it. You are both parents now and that is the role you play while at home - outside the home on a date, you will become that couple again. Get a sitter, set a date plan, doll youself up and go out and have some fun like you were dating. It's easy to get in a rut - so work on getting out of it.

Answer 8

Me and my husbandd went thought the same thing you are going thought a young couple a baby i felt the same way you do. So i took some time off of work i got a babysitter that i trusted and we went out to eat and a movie and we try to have are only time like that a least once a month. I thought that my husban was cheating to but i didn't have proof so i didn't accuse him i just sat down and talk to him i told him how i felt and not to get mad or any thing my husband and i have been friends for 11 year and married now for 2 just try to get a babysitter and go out and have fun for me it was hard to leave my baby but you will be ok just please try to do what i suggested it worked for us and it brought us closer. God bless you
Melisa

Answer 9

if things havent been bad for that long, dont give up yet. everyone hits this stage in a marriage honey. marriage is NOT EASY. have you tried to talk to him about these feelings? dont forget your baby is still kinda new, 15 months isnt that old, so you are still getting used to the life with a child. if you talk to him and both of you work at it a little, you WILL find the happiness in your marriage again. especially as your child grows and you both are amazed and loving all the new things she will be doing. This rough patch is going to happen a couple times in your marriage, its just how it is.

Answer 10

Boy did I write this.. =)

I went through the same feelings about 4 months ago.. I felt like a maid, sex slave etc... I finally just sat my husband down and told him how I felt and what needed to be done to fix it.

One thing that has helped us out alot is date night. NO matter what we take fri or sat call a babysitter or grandma and we go out, we reconnect even if its a 1 hr date it still gives us "us" time and let me tell ya that HELPS a marriage out alot.

You need to ask him if he is cheating and why he is distance? I m sure with work and every day stress things get crazy. Take it one day at a time and talk to him and start planning date night.