When talking with women, it seems I get one story but their actions tell another. Most women that I have asked what they find attractive and appealing in the opposite sex tend to choose men who don't fit their description. They express an almost idealistic view of the man they say they desire, then make their decisions almost solely based off of their physical appearance. What is this implicating? Do all women experience this? Is this a knee-jerk reaction to societal programming? Are these women choosing men they "should" find attractive or are the baser instincts leading the way as with the majority of men? Please, everyone, what do you think?
2007-03-22 09:00:17 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
I cannot speak for all women, but this is the way I have reacted to men's looks with regard to the choices I've made in my life.
I may feel a momentary reaction to a man's looks at first sight, but "MOMENTARY" is the key word there, and it is when he opens his mouth and starts communicating that my real impression - be it positive or negative - sets in.
My first impression when I met my late husband was, "My GOD! I think that's the ugliest man I've EVER seen!" but I liked his personality instantly, and we were together for 28 years - it would be 38 years if he were still alive.
After losing my husband and before meeting my fiance, I dated a guy for awhile who was movie-star, male-model handsome. (He looked like that actor Russell Crowe when he was aged with grey hair in the latter scenes of "A BEAUTIFUL MIND".) Yet it was not his looks that initially attracted me, but some unusual spiritual beliefs we had in common. When I had known him long enough to realize that he was also way too controlling and patronizing, I couldn't dump him fast enough - looks and all!
My fiance's looks struck me at first as remarkably neutral - neither ugly nor handsome, but his personality was (and still is, of course) GLORIOUS beyond any description of beauty! Now, naturally, I see him as the handsomest man in the world!
As far as "societal programming" goes, that well may be a factor with some - even many - women. Every day we are bombarded with commercials for tooth-whiteners, hair-care products, underarm deodorants, etc. telling us that if we are not cosmetically perfect, no one will want us. That ugly coin has a flip side, too, though. They are ALSO telling US that we shouldn't have anything to do with someone ELSE who is not cosmetically perfect.
With this negative barrage of shallowness falling on us throughout almost every waking hour, it is a wonder we humans don't become like the members of a wolf pack - where only the "alpha" male and female mate and reproduce.
Could the author of Bette Midler's song, "THE ROSE" have been thinking of this while writing the words, "and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong"?
2007-03-22 09:50:34 · answer #1 · answered by monarch butterfly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth is we are attracted to physical beauty as well. But I think with a woman, we just hope there is more to a nice looking guy than his looks. Alot of us women know, if he's fine there is a chance he still is a nice person on the inside. But odds are he is conceited and has had woman at his feet. That is just how it goes. Some women just prefer a man without all the looks because you do not have to worry about him cheating as much cause dont nobody want him but you and if he is not conceited and caught up in appearances he'll love you too no matter if you are very attractive or not. I hope that helps you GOOD LUCK
2016-03-28 23:57:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I couldn't go out with someone I'm not attracted to. That being said, I had a boyfriend once who I found really charming. When I fell out of love with him, I realzed I found him ugly! So, you never know! But overall, I need to have some sort of attraction (that could be charm as well).
I wouldn't go out with someone who is obese. It might sound cruel, but I really don't find obesity attractive. I'm not talking about a bit of fat, here. Overall, my boyfriend have all been at least cute (for me), and pretty much all were fit, except for the one I just talked about who not only had a weird face (globular eyes, long thin nose, and thin lips), but also a weird body (think Skinner in the Simpson, but not that skinny).
So... I guess it depends on the girl, and how old you are. As you get older, you can't really be that picky simply because a lot of guys aren't fit after 30 (I live in England, so that might just depend on the country).
2007-03-22 11:24:46 · answer #3 · answered by Offkey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in the beginning, of course looks plays a big part. there is no way to tell if the other person has the mental and emotional things that you desire. and yes, we do need to filter some way, otherwise we'd have to give it a go with EVERY person who wants a shot, and that's just not feasible.
I don't think men and women are very different in how they look for a person, we just describe it differently.
haley
2007-03-22 09:11:22 · answer #4 · answered by haleysname 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"You don't go on a date with the person you want...you go on a date with the person you have" (to paraphrase one Donald Rumsfeld). I've seen some mighty fine looking women with some real weird looking guys in my life. Women, despite what they claim, are emotional creatures and if some guy hits the right emotional notes with a woman she is his. Men are visual creatures and will put up with a lot of crap from a babe. Sure there are some women that happen to hit on the handsome guy but he knew what emotional notes to hit too. He's the smart one.
2007-03-22 09:11:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some are some aren't...I'm not, I've dated men within a relatively wide spectrum of attractiveness. Character and morals are a lot more important, but one of my friends is EXTREMELY shallow when it comes to men's looks.. She has a whole "grocery list" of physical attributes that a man must possess before she will even consider him.
2007-03-22 09:11:09 · answer #6 · answered by wendy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women are JUST as shallow in the beginning as men are as far as the looks go.. where women differ is sticking by a man who then captures her heart... becuse lets face it... beauty fades, we all gain a few pounds... gravity affects us all... and women are willing to accept that and overlook it because they are in love, and because the man makes them happy... whereas men are more shallow after the fact than to begin with.
2007-03-22 09:06:10 · answer #7 · answered by Cameron 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it varies according to the culture of the person, but the common denominator is that most women are idealistic.
2007-03-22 09:16:17 · answer #8 · answered by angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there has to be an initial attraction, but women are more likely to fall for someone who makes them laugh or has charm.
2007-03-22 09:21:09 · answer #9 · answered by Ally 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At the end of the day we're animals and its physical. end of. x
2007-03-22 09:06:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋