so, I posted this a little bit ago... but I figured I would re-post with a few additional details...
he and I have been married for 2 years, but together for 6. I left him 3 weeks ago, and he has been trying to get back together with me, I am not ready, nor, do I feel as if I ever will be... My love for him is gone. He has been a really great friend for 6 years, but the "marriage chemistry" is not there anymore... and honestly it hasnt been for a while now... we are civil with eachother, but we ended in a bad manner. My question is should I still buy him a gift and what do I get for him? I am stuck.. please help!
2007-03-22 08:37:22 · 45 answers · asked by Hippychick04915 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK, you left him, there is no love there anymore. So why on earth would you want to send him a Birthday card? All that is going to do is confuse the man and give him the false hope that maybe you still love him in some way. So NO dont!!!!!!!
2007-03-22 08:41:16 · answer #1 · answered by shirley e 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a guy, I have to say, no, do not give him a gift, unless you think there is a change of getting back together. Even if you care about him and want to stay on good terms, giving him a gift will be interpretted as an opportunity. That is just how guys think.
Not giving him a gift, especially this soon after the break-up reinforces the separation between you.
2007-03-22 08:43:50 · answer #2 · answered by James 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. If you buy him a gift knowing that he wants to get back with you it will only encourage him and make him think that there is a chance that he will get you back. I had the same problem with my husband and I did not get him anything. If I would have I know that he would have said that I cared about him enough to want to buy him something and then he would say that shows that I still love him. Never give anyone false hope like that. When someone wants you back that bad any type of kindness like that will give them hope. Leave him alone and let him move on if you are seriously not going to get back with him.
2007-03-22 08:44:03 · answer #3 · answered by kristin747 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are the one that left him and say the love you have for him is gone....then why get him a birthday gift? Especially if he wants to get back with you.
ONE THING YOU DO NEED TO REMEMBER IS:
When you married him, you married him through sickness and health, til death do us part!!! I'm assuming that since you just left him 3 weeks ago, that you haven't filed for divorce.
Marriage is a VERY strong relationship to have with someone. I strongly believe that the two of you should try to talk as much as you can to work things out. However, if you REALLY TRULY DO NOT love him anymore...then a gift is a BAD idea. (ESPECIALLY if he has been trying to get back with you)
I think a phone call to tell him Happy Birthday would be the best thing, ONLY if you REALLY TRULY do not want to FIGHT for your marriage with him!
May God Bless you both!
2007-03-22 08:43:19 · answer #4 · answered by Brit 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My situation is similar to yours except that im not married.I feel exactly the same way about my kids mom.I thought to myself that what we went through in our relationship shouldn't have no affect on our friendship,and if you think that you can still be friends with your husband,then yeah a gift would be good. Don't make it to where his ideal thinking will take you two any farther than where it stands. I would consider a FRIENDSHIP card first. Make sure he gets the card first so he will understand what your gift really mean.
2007-03-22 09:03:29 · answer #5 · answered by mofinesse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't buy him anything. He will get mixed messages from it. If he still wants to work things out, this will have him thinking that you wouldn't have bought him a gift ,if you didn't have feelings for him.
I'm a guy, went through something like this about 10 years ago. We're dumb, got to be blunt and straight to the point.
2007-03-22 08:42:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. No NO!
Even tho you think the thrill is gone, HE'll think it's a sign that you want back in the saddle again!
NO!
If you're feeling guilty about not even recognizing it, you can leave a message on whatever phone you know FOR SURE you'll get voicemail.....AND you're only allowed to call the DAY AFTER the actual birthday, and say a quick happy birthday. AND THAT'S all!
NO!
2007-03-22 08:40:53 · answer #7 · answered by Munya Says: DUH! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you give him a B-day gift that will make him think you want to get back together. He will take that as a come on and worry you to death, you'll have to start showing him you don't want to be back together all over again. Just leave well enough alone.
2007-03-22 08:43:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem is if you do get him a gift, he will view it in a positive light i.e. you're taking him back and all is well. Men give gifts with strings attached - even husbands. I guarantee that's how he's going to view the birthday gift. My recommendation would be NO.
2007-03-22 08:43:21 · answer #9 · answered by Lilith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with getting him a gift for his birthday, after all friends get gifts for friends everyday. You know him the best you were married to him. But let him know that you do need some time to sort out your feelings.
2007-03-22 08:42:17 · answer #10 · answered by Ruth K 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋