marriage help - should I stay or go?

Question

I am 39 and my wife is 52. I have been with my wife for 11 years now. We have been married for 6 years. We have no children together. My wife and I have been drifting apart for several years now. We have not had sex in over 6 years. We own a home and I have a good job, but I am very unhappy. About 3 months ago, I met a woman on the internet, and we developed a close relationship. This woman and I have so much in common and she wants children, which is something I want badly. As our relationship grew closer, we planned to meet, but then I backed out. I told her that I am married and I need to try to resolve my marital issues before we can meet each other. This woman is very understanding and she said she would wait for me for as long as it takes and even if my marriage works out, she cherishes my friendship. I told my wife about the relationship, and I have been getting help, but I still love this other woman. My wife still seems to have no interest in sex. What do I do?

In addition...My wife does not work and we share bank accounts. I could never leave my wife when she has no job.

I still feel that I love my wife too. I care about her. She is a good woman. I have very high libido and love to please her when we used to make love. We talked about sex. She always makes excuses. My life is ticking away. :(

In addition to your answers. Yes we have discussed children prior to marriage. My wife has a daughter from her previous marriage which I helped her raise. My wife also had a miscarriage during our 1st year together.

More answers to questions... We have talked about sex many times. The answers were all the same. I am too tired, I need to get into shape..etc. She went through menopause 2 years ago.

Answer 1

I understand how you feel, me and my husband has only been together for five years and we aren't even married for a year. Lately I feel like we are drifting apart. This man used to be my best friend, the rock that I hold on to whenever the waves of life drag me down. I loved him...as time went, our differences is just becoming a big problem for us...not only but we also
have a 15 mo old wonderful daughter. I don't want her to grow up without a dad. Anyway, sex is an issue for us too...he isn't as wanting of me as he used to...and this really hurts me. I am unhappy with him, sometimes I do wish I have someone I can lean on like I used to but I do not want to dishonor my daughter by bringing another man into my life. I have a dilemma, and I have no idea how to resolve this.

For you, I see a way...If it is beyond help or if you feel like you and your current wife have tried to make it work and it just seems like it won't...then I don't see why can't you guys move on separately. I know it is easier said than done. But I feel like both of you are unhappy...why go on? Life isn't forever, we need to be love and cherished.

Answer 2

If you are really unhappy, don't use the other woman to get out of your marriage. Stop contacting the other woman FIRST and then leave your wife. After you have been out of the house six months, start dating. Don't devistate your wife by leaving her for another woman. You are relatively young and have more options. You must support your wife, forever, under the law and as a good human being. Make sure that anyone else that you meet will understand that.

Don't marry a stupid blonde 22 year old. Get married and have your babies. But be kind to your wife and don't start a relationship until you are out of the house. Also, move as far away from the wife as possible. Then she can start fresh as well. The best years for a woman are from 52-63. Let her have hers without your moping around. Make everyone happy.

Answer 3

How are you supposed to stay married to someone, without cheating, who doesn't want to have sex anymore? I know there is more to life then sex but gimme a break! It sounds like you are miserable...and that is no way to live. Regardless of the other woman, you need to decide if this is how you want to live...... it doesn't sound like it to me. If you want a divorce, you need to sit down with your wife and be honest. Tell her how you feel and give her time to get her sh*t together so she can get a job, etc.... What does she do all day with no kids and you working F/T?

Also, having children is a major thing. Was it discussed prior to marriage that there would or wouldn't be children? I think life is too damn short to waste it with someone who doesn't love you.

Answer 4

Dude you got problems, have your cake and eat it too syndrome I call it...... What you think anyone is capable of being perfect. Perhaps your wife is going through menopause...have you addressed the issue of sex with her, has she addressed it with the doctor. And here you are a little hormone runin around on the Internet , where everyone lies and tells you what you want to hear, and you think your in love with someone you haven't even met....man , you are in love with an idea , not reality, Get some more help, and ask your wife to get some too.
How'd you feel if you needed viagra to get it up so she went looking some where else ?

Answer 5

LET IT GO! When you guys first hooked up the sex was great. You being a young stud and she was going through her mid life crisis. Women as well as men when they get into their fortys are wondering if they can still be appealing to the younger sex. It was a sex thing; now its just a convenience. She now needs to find an older gentleman not as aggressive and sexual as yourself. Her chemistry has changed due to menopause. You still have your goals in life. And if this friend that you've met is willing to wait for you then tell your wife that youre gonna go away for the weekend to straigten things out in your life. You need to give yourself a chance to live the life you want. The two of you have already fulfilled each others desires. Now be a man and fulfill your dream of becoming a father. Its time to grow with the one who can fulfill the next phase of your manhood. YOU WIFE WILL UNDERSTAND I BROKE UP WITH MY OLD LADY FOR OVER A YEAR AND I WAS CELIBID I HAD THE CHANCE OF BEING WITH A LOT OF WOMEN BUT I NEEDED TO LOVE MYSELF AND FIND MYSELF. WE ALL LIVE IN A COMFORT ZONE ITS TIME TO LET GO GIVE SOMEONE ELSE A CHANCE AT YOUR LOVE AND FUTURE... GOOD LUCK PAPA HANK

Answer 6

It sounds like you're stuck. If you won't leave her without a job, and she knows that, where's the incentive for her to get one? You either have to resolve to get used to this life or leave it. I don't know what else to tell you. It doesn't seem like your wife is too willing to fix things either and if you both aren't trying as hard as you can, it will never get better. It's also not fair to let this other woman wait around for something that will never happen.

Answer 7

Sheesh, so you got married and then there was never any intimacy? Is she going through menopause? First off you should have never gone outside the marriage for closeness, you really need to find out why you and your wife aren't clicking, why doesn't she want you intimately? Is she depressed, why can't she work? there are so many questions!

Answer 8

my wife lost interest in sex too. it was too much one month and no lovin the entire next month. she was 48.of course shes gone now and I have been through an intensetherapy thing. and feel better than I have in years.. sex is important ,,especially to us men. some of us actually dont believe in cheating. but sometimes the temptation is sooooooo strong.. I never cheated tho. just drove her nuts about wanting it till she left.anyway. cheating is never a good option, if you get caught, you pay alimoney for the reat of her life or your life too.file divorce but be careful of what you percieve in this internet woman.. I met one online and she sent me photos of her that resembled helen hunt but she turned out to look like rosie o donnell.. be careful and do the right thing

Answer 9

Have you talked about this? I mean really discuss what's going on. Six years of no sex will definitely drive anyone crazy. Going for another woman is a temporary solution to a long term marital problem and most often than not, it will always get worse. Talk to her.

Lani
http://www.lanispage.blogspot.com

Answer 10

you knew the kid thing would be an issue when you married your wife. She is much older and now children are out of the question. Is that all her fault? no, not really. who's to say the internet woman is all that she seems to be anyway? you better think this one through, buddy.