Is it okay to want to be loved too much?

Question

Okay this is the deal. I have been married for 9 years. Our life, relationship and marriage was perfect.
Now, he doesn't ask me how I am, how I feel or if I am okay. I have not heard a warm and loving SINCERE statement in a very long time. I don't know if he even really loves me to be honest. He is the type that will just stay in a situtaion rather than leave, as it is a lit easier for him I think. When I ask him...he says, of course I love you poo...you know that... NO YOU DON'T. I feel like I am the person who does the laundry, cooks the dinner, makes the sandwiches and takes care of everything. I am sure that he has not been faithful as he loves everyone when he is drunk. (but me) He hangs on people and tells them how bitchin they are. His eyes do not light up anymore when he looks at me. I have myself conteplated an affair, not for sex, but for someone to hold me, squeeze me and tell me everything is alright. I can't cry anymore. Help me...I am making myself sick.

Answer 1

Welcome to marriage. This is what happens to most of us in one way or another. I'll bet you don't say a word about all the things that you do for him. If you're not telling him that he needs to pick up his slack, it's you're fault as men think we're programmed to want to take care of everything while they sit on their a**. That's the way they are. And if you even think that he's unfaithful, then you're probably right. If so, what are you doing with him? Stop doing everything for him. Start doing things for yourself then move on. Women make the mistake of making their man the focal point of their life/existence - WHY???? Men damn sure don't make women their focal point. Concentrate on you.

Answer 2

Sounds like you two need a 3 day weekend getaway no kids. Just the 2 of you for some talking and some luvin. Some where quite not like disney world or flordia where there are things to do...Some place like a retreat where there is nothing to do but spend the time loving and talking with one another.

We went last week. My wife and I went to Wheaton Village just as an example. It's an old style glass blowing factory and 3 little shops set on 10 or so acres of Pine Barrens on a Lake w/ geese and picnic benches and a 4 star hotel.
It's not really expensive but it's nice. I bet there is some place near you, that you could go to. Think about it.

It works for us. We will celebrate our 26th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks :)

Answer 3

I think you are bored. Get out and do something. Go Join a gym, get a new hobby. Anything for you. Be a little selfish and treat yourself to a facial. Start up a girls night out once a month with other women. I do this every third Tuesday monthly and it is wonderful. We pick a different restaurant every month, meet at 6:30 and we are home by 9. Don't go to bars though, that's asking for trouble. good luck, hope it works out!

Answer 4

You have some serious Marriage problems my dear... First of all here's a Hug for you..i think you need one (((((((HUG))))))) now.... whipe your tears away and sit down and take a deep breath..... do you love yourself? ask yourself this question.... if the answer is yes then you need to let him know how you feel and put your foot down...don't let a Man or Woman make you feel miserable like that.... if the answer is no.... then there's your answer... you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.... please talk to a priest or someone really close to you.... i know how you feel... good luck honey

Answer 5

Go to counseling. It is hard but maybe he needs space. Talk to him and maybe share counseling. Communication of your needs. I am in the same boot and now we are doing a trial separation so he can see what he is loosing. (at least I hope that is what he sees)

Answer 6

You need to address him with more than just "do you love me anymore" You need to express how you feel just like you did now and see what he says and does. if it does not work then you need to get marriage counseling.

Answer 7

SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED TO BE LOVED. AND THAT IS A VALID THING. YOU DESERVE TO BE HUGGED AND KISSED AND CARED AND ADORED AND CHERISHED AND HE DOES NOT DO THIS AND IT IS SAD. I HAVE A SITUATION JUST LIKE THIS WHERE MY HUBBY IGNORES ME AND WILL FLIRT WITH OTHER WOMEN AND ALSO HE (WHEN DRUNK) GETS MORE FLIRTATIOUS TO OTHERS, BUT ME! I CAN BE STANDING NEXT TO HIM AND HUG AND TRY TO KISS HIM (CUZ HE IS MORE OPEN WHEN HE IS DRUNK) BUT HE PUSHES ME AWAY LITERALLY AND SAYS GET OFF OF ME LEMMIE ALONE...BUT HE DOES NOT DO THAT TO THE OTHERS. SO KNOW WHAT SINCE HE WONT GO TO THERAPY WITH ME(HE SAYS I AM NOT WORTH IT) I AM MAKING PLANS TO LEAVE HIM EVENTUALLY~ JUST WHAT I SAY TO DO IS FOCUS ON THE PEOPLE WHO DO LUV U AND LIKE U BEING AROUND...LIKE UR FAMILY OR FRIENDS WHO U LOVE AND LIKE BEING WITH. HANG WITH PEOPLE WHO MAKE U FEEL GOOD. AND IGNORE HIM FROM NOW ON DO NOT BEG HIM ASK HIM OR ACT NEEDY ON HIM CUZ ALL THAT JERK IS GONNA DO IS PUSH U AWAY....SO TURN THE TABLES ON HIM AND TURN HIM AWAY~ IT IS NOT EASY BUT U CAN DO IT I AM TRYING THAT NOW...I HAVE SHUT MYSELF OFF OF MY HUSBAND DUE TO HIM SHUTTING ME OFF AND REFUSING THERAPY DUE TO SAYING THAT I AM NOT WORTH IT...SO IF A PERSON DOES NOT THINK I AM WORTH IT THEN WHY DO I WANNA BE WITH THEM. HOPE THIS HELPS~

Answer 8

I'd recommend a counselor; just for someone to talk to. If necessary, it might be good to see a marriage counselor. If the guy truly loves you.... he'll go.

Answer 9

make it impossible for him to not love you. try this first. find something really sexy that you would never try in a million years, pair it with some sexsy stillettos hoochy hair and hot red lips. if that doesnt fire up the relationship then stop doing some of the things you normally do until he notices you. then tell him how you feel.