I have a friend who has five girls. This friend went through some pretty tough times getting over drugs and getting her life straight and now shes a supervisor at a very successful dentist's office.
While she was getting better, one of her kids was taken away by a family member of the father. She is now 5 and has lived with the other fam since she was a baby (the biological dad isn't even in her life). My friend does not want to try to get her back because she doesn't want to "disrupt her life". But the girl has 3 older sisters and 1 baby sister that she should know and have in her life. She wasn't even taken away by the court so she can go and try to take her anytime she wants.
Is my friend wrong? Is she being selfish? Should she leave the girl to grow up with these people who don't let her see her mom's family (aunts, uncles, cousins) or should she try to take her back and "readjust" her to living with her real mom? It's such a sensitive thing. Please let me know your opinions.
2007-03-22 08:12:56 · 11 answers · asked by ☺SDgurl☺ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I believe that she should at least get some sort of visitation. It is not fair to the little girl. She did not ask for her mother to be involved with drugs and to get taken away. It is great that she is living a healthy and fulfilled life and has been taken care of for 5 years. But your friend needs to realize that she is still her daughter and now that she's an adult and out of her drug habit, she should want to have her daughter in her life and her daughter is old enough to understand what happened and will let her know what she wants, I am sure she will want to be a part of her sister's lives. And it is not fair to keep her from that!
2007-03-22 08:18:34 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a tough question. It seems, however, that the mother (your friend) may be taking the child's best interests to heart and making a decision that is very difficult, but altruistic. A child from birth to age 5 has had the chance to bond and "attach" to the family she has been with and that is all she "knows" in her life as family. That is her world. To disrupt it and pull her away from it may do far more psychological harm than connecting her to some siblings whom she does not know nor has any relationship with.
Perhaps your friend is not selfish after all, but thinking as wisely as Solomon (in the Bible) would.
Later on in the child's life, maybe during the late teen years when she asks about her life and who her bio family was, this could be re-explored.
2007-03-22 15:20:05 · answer #2 · answered by Kerry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She probably shouldn't hurry to take them back, but she should talk with her daughter's new family. She's right about not wanting to disrupt the child's life, but she should try to get her daughter to meet the rest of her family. (She should also try to find out whether the new family considers the daughter a burden or a gift--but reading between the lines it sounds like they love her.)
2007-03-22 15:26:15 · answer #3 · answered by wayfaroutthere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol it maybe hard now to adjust but it just gets worse as time goes on can imgine what the child will be like when thier a teenager haveing to deal with mommy was a drugie and gave me away it would be way better to do it now the child would be a bit befuddled at first but by the time thier 10 they would be over it cuase by then the child would have lived with the mother longer than they would have been alive so think the chances are pretty good to get over it by then
2007-03-22 15:20:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would actually credit her for leaving the kid with the only family this kid has ever known. She understands that taking the kid back would cause the kid more pain and she doesn't want the kid to have more pain. Think of the story of King Solomon. A real mom would rather give up their child than see it hurt.
I would suggest the kid at least get to know who her mom is and get to know her other siblings.
2007-03-22 15:49:12 · answer #5 · answered by christigmc 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is a tough one, on the one hand she may be better off where she is. But, what kind of a mother would not want her child to be with her. That is just something your friend will have to look into her heart and decide.
2007-03-22 15:20:16 · answer #6 · answered by mingcrew 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course I would if she can deal with the other 4..what's one more? Better to do it now...like the answerer above me somewhat says than later... The girl will hurt more knowing that the others are w/mommy but not her... don't ya think?
2007-03-22 15:24:37 · answer #7 · answered by momof3 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs to fight for her kid that's what the child would want her to do. She is doing good in her life i needs to be w/ her child it is not disrupting it will make the childs life better to be w/ the mother.
2007-03-22 15:24:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really is her decision and I don't think she's being wrong about it, but if she wanted to, she could try to become part of the girl's life again and work it from there.
2007-03-22 15:17:24 · answer #9 · answered by HappilyEverAfter 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend made a tough decision. You need to support her, not tell her what to do.
2007-03-22 15:25:22 · answer #10 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋