I am having my second child, and having a tubal, but will I regret it later on?

Question

I am having a tubal after my second child, because my husband thinks he can control me more if I am constantly raiseing children. I love children, but I want a career eventually and I do not think I want to stay in a marriage where the husband thinks he can dictate my life. He can not even hold a steady job beacause of his attitude. So I want to be more independant and be able to support myself. Only if I ever get out of the situation I am in and find someone truely loving and supportive and he wants a child would I regret it because I could not have any children by him?

Answer 1

To be honest with you, you may end up very happy that you did this or you could very well mad at yourself if you do end up getting a divorce and meeting that special someone who wants kids and doesnt have any. Thus it may make you feel horrible that you cant offer that to him. I was in your boat as well. Except I was 22 years old already had 2 kids, which I didnt have either one of those. I was pregnant with twins, The father was constantly cheating on me left and right, (didnt find out til after i was pregnant) and was in trouble with the law. I did not want to have any more kids and be a single mom or have any by him. I had a tubal when I was 22 years old. The father ended up leaving me for one of his so called girlfriends and ended up in prison by the time the twins were 3 months old. I was glad I had the tubal until I met the love of my life, the man I have been with for almost 2 years now. He has no kids except the ones that he calls his own that I had (twins). I know how terrible he has got to feel knowing I cant give him a offspring of his own biological line. But luckily if another child is something you may possibly want later, tubals now days are easier to have undone. I had one that was called a Filshy Clip. That is the easiest to have reversed so check into that one. You may regret it, but later on you could always have it reversed or there are other options. I would suggest if thats what your heart desires do it. Especially with wanting a career, the more kids you have the less likely that may happen, especially as a single parent. Theres daycare costs, food, clothes, shelter. The more children, the more that will cost you. Plus to mention the situation your in. Do you honestly want to bring another innocent child into that environment? Good luck!

Answer 2

I can say that I had a tubal after the birth of my 4th child...ALL BOYS!! As much as I don't want another child I do regret having it done. My husband wanted and still wants a little girl. I feel as if I let him down. Now your situation is different, and you must decide how to handle it.

If you do wind up getting a divorce and remarry, you can have the procedure reversed. I personally know of a couple who are both on their second marriage. He was raising her two children while his children were being raised in another state by their mother. After being married for 12 yrs. they decided to have a child together. She had to have her tubal reversed and it was a hard situation on them. She got pregnant twice and both of those pregnancies were tubal pregnancies, and she had to have surgery to remove the embryos. The third time she was able to conceive it was a successfull pregnancy.

So you should really think about what you are doing and what your future plans are before going through with the procedure.

Not only that but to the cost of having the reversal done it extremely high and insurance does not cover any of it.

Answer 3

I think 2 children are enough and you are wise to get the tubal. If you ever marry someone than you can adopt. I think 2 children are enough for any woman to have, you've heard the old saying pregnant and barefoot. That is what husband sound likes he is saying , but I don't think more children is going to change his not getting a job. You will probably will be married again because being dictated to is certainly no way to make him work steady, that is an excuse to stay at home and eat and sleep. With husband like you have, you sure don't want anymore children. You need to start looking for a good divorce atty. To put up with someone like that is more than any woman should have to bare.

Answer 4

Dont do it. I was in a TERRIBLE marriage, married to a COMPLETE jerk. After my second, I thought, I cant bring any more children into the world with a man like him. I got a tubal soon after my second child was born, and about 9 months after that, I decided I couldnt take it any more. I grabbed my 2 kids, my stuff, and moved out. We got divorced, and I still didnt really care that I had gotten the tubal because I thought ALLLL men were jerks!!!

Yeah, I found out there is AT LEAST 1 good one in the world. I married the greatest man in the whole world. He is my best friend, the love of my life, my soulmate. He has no children (besides mine who he treats as his own), and here I am with sliced up tubes and unable to have children. We desperately want to have children, and are going to pay the 10 grand to reverse it and hope it works.

My advice: Take the pill, slap a patch on your shoulder, get a shot....do whatever temporary means you want to do, but dont get a tubal. You may just get out of this marriage, find someone perfect for you, and want more children.

DONT DO IT!!! Good luck to you!

Answer 5

Yes, you will regret it--Especially if you do not know if you are going to stay in this marriage. I have several friends who regret it. If you meet someone else and marry them, you may want to have children. If you and your husband decide your family is complete and there is no way you would ever want any more children, then you may consider it. Just the fact that you are asking--tells me you will regret it. I suggest getting an IUD. You can only get one if you have already had children. I know long ago there used to be scares about them, but that is not the case anymore. I had two of them and they last for 8 years. They are only the size of a quarter and they are inserted into your uterus. There is a small string that comes out of your cervix that tells you it is in place, and occasionally my husband said he could feel it during sex--but it didn't bother him-- he felt safe knowing we were protected. Once it is inserted you don't do anything else, and you can take it out if you ever want children, or you can leave it in up to 8 years and then you can replace it with a new one. Like I said-- I had two of them. One for 3 years then we decided to have another baby, and now I had one in for 8 years and just got it taken out. I was going to get another one, but since we decided not to have anymore children now, my husband got a vasectomy instead. I never had any problems with it. I can't take any birth control pills or any of the methods with hormones because I have high blood pressure, and I never had any side effects with the IUD. You should talk to your doctor about it. I think it is the best method I have ever used.

Answer 6

Maybe get something like Norplant instead. It's good for a few years. That would give you a chance to get out of the marriage and not get pregnant without making it permanent. If you're not sure you don't want more children, don't get a tubal, or you will regret it.
(Having a reversal isn't 100% effective and it's not a simple procedure or cheap either.)

Answer 7

I had a tubal after my daughter. The man I was married to was also controlling. We divorced before she was a year old. I have since remarried, and I will admit there have been "pangs" of baby blues with my new husband. But, it is a personal decision. If you leave your current relationship, and do find the "one" (like I did), you have to be upfront about it. If someone is the one for you they will love you, your children and your ability not to have anymore. It won't be an issue. Best of luck.

Answer 8

Wow , what a mess , your asking a question about one thing , but the real problem is something entirely different.

Don't get the tubal, your reason to get it will probably be solved by a divorce anyway. The reason not to do it is that you are asking this question. Honestly, if you told your Dr. this I'd be surprised if he'd do the tubal on you.

Get some counseling, if your marriage is as bad as you portray , get a lawyer too.

Answer 9

Having had a tubal at 22 after 2 healthy babies ,i once was in the same predicament.....after almost 21 years of marriage to the man that really encouraged me to get the procedure, he left me and within a year had a new baby with his gf.I since married a wonderful man who has a grown daughter of his own. we really enjoying our freedom w/o out kids and are able to really help our kids financially and other ways. We do talk jokingly about an 'oops baby but are just enjoying each other.

We are looking forward to future grand kids as "OUR kids.
You seem young,I'm only 42 but my kids have been out of the house for over a year......just imagine that!

Answer 10

You need to look out for #1 and that's YOU! This is YOUR body and no one can tell you what you should, can, shouldn't, or can't do to it (even your husband). You have to be 100% comfortable with a procedure like that. If you've already tried expressing your feelings to you husband and it hasn't worked, you may consider counseling. It sounds like there's a lot more to him then just a bad attitude. Controlling relationships are never healthy. I know, I used to be in one and I tried for years to make things better. If you cannot make it healthy, consider your options. Your children need a good, stable, positive, healthy environment. Good luck!