Should I ask her forgiveness?

Question

I became a Christian about a year ago and since then have often thought of something terrible I did in my past. I had a relationship with a married man. I didn't even consider his wife and now that I am married with my own family I think of his wife and feel I owe her an apology. I've learned how important forgiveness is and how it "hinders" your relationship with God if you cannot forgive others or others don't forgive you. She knew about the affair shortly after the relationship ended and she stayed with her husband. I don't want to intrude on their lives, but I so badly want her to know how sorry I am. What would you do?

Answer 1

I don't think you should do anything except pray and ask for forgiveness from God. Basically, you're apologizing in order to make yourself feel better for the guilt you are experiencing. Again, put yourself in HER shoes, I'm sure she's trying very hard to get past this...so why bring it up and put it back in her face again. She already knows what has happened and is working on forgiving her husband and making her family work. Trust me, she does not want to hear whether you're sorry about what you did or not. And as far as you're concerned, work on dealing with your guilty feelings by talking to a pastor, a psychologist, or whoever you trust to help you through this. But just leave the poor woman and her family alone.

Answer 2

I think if she knew about the affair and the two have stayed together, it's probably ok to apologize. However, she may want it to stay buried and not be reminded, or she may be haboring deep feelings of resentment towards you for the affair, in which case extending an apology would be a bad move. I recommend sending her flowers or a card with a note from you (not too wordy) expressing how sorry you are, rather than trying to do it face to face. If she seems open after that, go ahead and talk to her about it in person.

Answer 3

You didn't mention IF the wife also was a Christian...I'm answering as a christian wife, If the wife Is a christian,then Yes I'd go to her and ask her forgiveness.IF she's Not,you'd only open up another can of worms...But you Must ask God to forgive you, and then leave it at the alter,Don't go back and pick it up. If you truly repent then you don't keep asking God to forgive what he has already forgiven....You also need to tell your spouse be honest and let him know it was BEFORE you became a christian...Good luck and don't mess with Pandora's box any more.

Answer 4

If she's someone you don't see or associate with anymore on a regular basis, then i would say don't say anything. If she stayed with him, they obviously worked it out and have moved on. By entering their lives & drudging up the past, you very well would do more harm than good. Honesty & forgiveness are nice axioms, but don't always work in real life.

Answer 5

Sorry--you won't like this. But the fact is you are thinking only about what would make YOU feel better. This man's wife has obviously dealt with the issue--and moved on with her life. LEAVE HER ALONE--you've already done enoughh harm to her by putting your own feelings first at her expense.

When--and if--God wants you to talk to her about this, He'll make it happen. You need to leave it to Him.

Answer 6

Nothing. You would just be opening old wounds for her. All you seem to care about is how you feel about this and your relationship with God. What about her? You wronged her once. Don't do it twice. Time to think about someone else for a change.

Answer 7

You should think about it. Just because your heart is in the right place and you are trying to follow god's will the other person may still hold resentment about it

Answer 8

Does she know about the affair? If she does, go apologize, if she doesn't, just let it go.

Answer 9

yeh you should just say sorry and then if she wants a cat fight runnnnn lol