I have been in the relationship with my partner for 3 years and am not about to throw it all away, i just need some advice as i am so confused. He always picks at me sometimes for no valid reason... its a frequent occurance that the slightest thing will set him off or if he is in a bad mood i always get the brunt of it. He comes home from football training drunk then either smothers me all drunken and stinking and then gets nasty when i ask him to stop or he will just come in and be abbusive. He has hit me in the past but that is all forgotten about now.. he has a very bad temper, i think maybe it was because of his bad and very traumatising childhood. i have tried talking to him but it always seems to get turned back to me and whatever it would be we were discussing would end up being my fault. When i say he comes home abusive he screams and shouts and often punches holes in doors and headbutting walls. Im not going to listen to the usual... 'leave him you can do better' we do have
2007-03-22 07:58:21 · 9 answers · asked by Sarah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
our good times and as i said we have been together too long for me to just walk away. we have been talking about kids as he really wants them and so do i, he has even spoken about engagement, etc.. how do you think i should deal with this? i cant take the abuse any more but he wont listen when i have treid to talk to him, ive tried leaving him already but we do love each other and that didnt work. hes starting to really get me down now with the way he talks to me and treats me.
2007-03-22 08:02:54 · update #1
I know it's easy for everyone to say leave him, but really what option have you got ? You are not a punchbag or a doormat and a relationship is about having love and respect for one another. Instead of just leaving him completely, is there any chance you could move out temporarily and help him get some counselling/therapy to deal with his traumatic past ? I'm not saying ditch him completely, but he does need help or things will just get worse.
I don;t think you should commit to an engagement yet, and no child deserves to be born into that kind of environment. Having children can put a strain on the best of relationships so sort his anger issues out before going any further.
2007-03-22 08:05:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you want people to say he doesn't seem to have any good attributes, he sound like a fool I'm not going to tell you to walk away that's your choice but your considering having kids with this man if he gets angry with you over nothing imagine how he treat your children if he has hit a woman before he is guaranteed that he'll hit them and make them as miserable as he makes you. Wake up there has to be someone better out there.
2007-03-22 08:14:11 · answer #2 · answered by jr1984 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say 'you cant leave him' but why not?! He's abusive towards you repeatedly, maybe not physically anymore but he's mentally and emotionally abusing you. His behaviour is not going to change, it will only get worse if anything. Why do you want to bring a child into this negtive, abusive and potentionally bloody dangerous situation?! You might love him but sometimes you have to look after no1 and get out from this distructive situation. If he really loves you - then why would he treat you in such a way?
2007-03-22 09:03:00 · answer #3 · answered by keeley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is irresponsible to bring children into a relationship which is abusive. Do you want your child to learn his disgusting behaviours? Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking violent men are acceptable? Do you want your son to grow up thinking violence towards women is an acceptable way to achieve things. Do you want social work involved with your family? Because they will become involved if they find out there is a child living in a violent home - and they will find out because anyone can make a report. Think on all of the above before you get pregnant and continue making excuses for a pathetic individual who uses violence and abuse and bullying to achieve his own ends.
2007-03-22 08:32:05 · answer #4 · answered by MissM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, you are in a dangerous relationship and you are in denial about it. Don't kid yourself - you're in here asking for help and telling us only to tell you what you want to hear, you're not going to hear anything to make you happy ... get out of this situation before you are seriously hurt or even killed. Stop being so bloody stupid. Some people cannot be helped, no matter how much we care about them. At least you can still help yourself.
2007-03-22 08:09:35 · answer #5 · answered by Orla C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm a mans man, i drink i swear i sweat i fight. but only with men and not in the YMCA, on the building site as it happens. (and no i'm not in a village people tribute band). i had a crap childhood, seen and done some gnarly stuff, but in work when i see red with a workmate my missus sees red roses when i bring her home flowers, i go to the pub with her only. as i said i'm a real man i dont hit women or the woman i love or even put fright in her. but hey stay with him just make sure you have plenty of pollyfilla stocked up for next time he smashed the wall with his head, or excuses for the hospital staff how you walked into the cupboard door and broke your nose.
2007-03-22 08:36:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For gods sake girl leave this spiteful, evil creep.
just coz he had a bad childhood does not mean he has the right to kick **** out of you.
get out while you can. he is a woman beater and wont change
2007-03-22 08:40:24 · answer #7 · answered by laplandfan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send him to get councelling on his abusive behaviour and his alcohol, if he refuses then he doesn't care enough.
2007-03-22 12:27:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i say leave him you can do better, because you should leave him & you can do better.
but i think you are just waiting for someone to tell you, its alright, & everything will be ok, & he loves you.
well, its not ok, he doesnt love you, get out before you get hurt.
2007-03-22 08:04:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋