So, I am about to get married.... but to tell you the truth, I'm scared. You see, after we had been living together for a year or so, he told me about his sex (porn?) addiction. As far as I know he has never and will never cheat. But a while later he talked to me about his family having the same problems.... his brothers are addicted to porn... his dad cheats, watches porn... even illegal immoral horrible porn. My SO said that he doesn't look at the same kind of stuff... but I don't know how to believe him. His dad and brothers all are into the same wrong... very wrong thing.... You have to understand, I can't have his baby if he has this same problem. I have asked him straight out... and he told me that he is disgusted by it the same as I am... but then the first time I asked him about porn he told me he didn't watch it. can any one give me advice? Do you think I should take him to a psychiatrist or just trust him that "normal" porn is as far as it goes?
2007-03-22 07:55:52 · 12 answers · asked by whenwillitallbeokay 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You see, we do watch some together... but I pick them...and if he picks, he chooses ones he thinks I will like. As for his own stuff... he doesn't keep it anywhere I know of. Says there is none in the house. Threw it all out when he moved into my house.
2007-03-22 08:35:29 · update #1
Um, first of all stop watching it at all - even together. Normal porn? Porn is porn. There is no reason for anyone ever to watch any sort of pornography. Some people claim it spices things up or it's not a big deal, but I think it will only make things worse for the marriage, even for people who watch it willfully together, someday it will create a problem. Pornography creates a false sense of how sex is, should be, can be, and even why couples have sex. Sex is a wonderful gift that should only be shared within the bonds of marriage and if not within marriage, it is not going along with God's plan. I am not trying to judge you or your bf.
If you have the internet, get rid of it, or make it password protected so you can block out the bad stuff.
Tell him how you honestly feel. I promise you it can do nothing but cause problems, and if you are having doubts, go with your feelings.
2007-03-22 11:18:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would assume that when you say illegal, immoral porn. You are talking about snuff films or child porn.
If it is child porn, understand this. Child molesters and those that are sexually attracted to children cannot be cured. They have a very, very high rate of repeat offenses. This is the whole reason for Megan's Law and the other sex offender sites.
Also, know this. If this is the stuff you are talking about and you know about it and don't do a thing about it. You are an accessory to a crime. So unless you do something about it, go ahead and decide what prison name you are going to use.
By the way, people that go to prison for sex crimes against children, have a very, very hard time in prison. Even the low life criminals in prison, look down upon child molesters.
So if that is the stuff you are talking about, do yourself and everyone else a favor and run down to the nearest police station and give them these men's names.
2007-03-22 17:14:56 · answer #2 · answered by you know who 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are questioning his porn preferences now don't jump into marriage. If his male side of the family has a more disgusting porn addiction it's only a matter of time. I would also say that the females in the family must know whats going on too. It sounds like there are many secrets in that family along with his own. You need to think about this before you get yourself or any future children involved. You've already said you can't have his baby. You need to put the marriage on hold and let him know he needs to seek help. Like I said there are SECRETS in that family!!!!
2007-03-22 16:25:52 · answer #3 · answered by BrownEyedGirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On the spur of the moment insist that he show you his "normal" porn. And don't let him make excuses or have you wait in the living room or whatever so he has a chance to hide or change it. It's probably on the computer so search it if you have to. It sounds as if this is a very definite and big problem and something you need to find out BEFORE your wedding. I would suggest immediate counseling for both of you. Any addiction is a problem in a marriage, no matter what the person is addicted to. Good luck to you and God Bless.
2007-03-22 15:21:06 · answer #4 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can assume that just because some of his relatives like some types of porn, he does too.
I don't see shy a psychiatrist would help, in that _if_ he's lying to you, he could lie to the psych too. If he wants to go to one, because he feels he's having trouble with porn, then he should go.
How would you feel about watching porn with him? If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it, but if you are, he's less likely to develop a compulsion if its not some secretive thing he does alone and then feels guilty about, and you would be more aware of what turns him on etc.
2007-03-22 15:21:23 · answer #5 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because his family does it does not necessarily mean he will too, but then again he could see how they are, per say "living the double life" and will one day think to himself that he can too. If he has this addiction to porn or whatever he should not be shy to seeing it with you on occasion or showing you his collection.
2007-03-22 15:30:53 · answer #6 · answered by Asian Mami 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh, so you're saying he looks at minors in porn? nice way to beat around the bush. you better leave him fast. sounds like he's a sick freak and the apple didn't fall too far from the tree now did it?
2007-03-22 15:22:18 · answer #7 · answered by Virgo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He definitely needs some counseling, but it seems to be a learned behavior, and he needs to get help. He is an adult now so if he is truly addicted he needs to seek treatment, and I would postpone any big plans until he is treated.
2007-03-22 15:35:25 · answer #8 · answered by Vegas 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is hard to say. I think you should do your best to trust him since he is going to be your husband soon. pron is not the worst thing he could be doing so be grateful for that. does he treat you well, give you a healthly sex life . if so then dont worry about it and continue on with the wedding.
2007-03-22 15:21:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uh, there is no such thing as "normal" porn. All of it is disrespectful to women in general. Big red flag. Be glad you know now.
2007-03-22 17:16:28 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋