My 13 month old wants me to hold her all the time. How can I stop that?

Question

I stopped working, to study, and now I am at home taking care of my 13 months old daughter and taking online classes. My daughter wants to be held all the time. If I am not holding her she is crying and yelling and wont stop until I hold her. I haven't been able to study or do anything else in the house. When my husband gets home he gets mad because dinner is not ready. Any ideas on what to do????? Please help me!!!!! I am getting really frustrated.

Answer 1

Stop giving in immediately. You have to have complete control right away or you will have total hell to pay when she is older. Let her cry. Trust me she will stop. You cannot give in or she never will. It will be awful to begin with. Better to hear her now. When she is an older child it will be too late.

Answer 2

It may just be a phase. My daughter goes thru them often - one second she's happy playing alone, so I go in the kitchen to make dinner and she's screaming and running after me and I MUST hold her.

Also, it may just be an adjustment for her to get used to you being home. Try to train her - "I will hold you for one minute, but them mommy has to do some things". Then put her down.

Second...its not really fair for your daughter to be ignored all day by her mom. She can't understand that you need to study, and how can you really study if you are watching her? You might be better off really dedicating your time to one thing at a time. Something like from 7-9 am you play with your child, then clean up or do whatever housework needs to be done. The during her nap you focus and study. In the afternoon dedicate time to her again, maybe an hour, then to dinner and outher household stuff, then when she goes to sleep you study. Its hard, but if you really focus your time on one thing at a time, instead of doing it all at once, you may be more productive. And she may try to get your attention less, if she knows she gets it at a set time every day.

Or enlist her help - "can you put this in the trash for mommy?" it takes them forever, but they then feel included and you probably will get less screaming in the house.

Answer 3

If she is crying to be held and you need to do something, tell her firmly no and if she doesn't stop, put her in her crib and let her cry in there for a few minutes where at least you won't be tripping over her, even if you can still hear her.

Give her a few minutes crying alone in her bed and then bring her out again, show her the toys and go back to what you need to do. Repeat as necessary.

It's been my experience that kids will catch on to "the new rules" after three days. But you must be firm.

Also be sure the schedule in some time to play with her but establish firm boundaries around "play with mom time" and "play alone time".

Answer 4

Set aside time for your daughter each day. Set a timer and let her know that, for the next hour or so, its all about her. Do whatever she wants, play with blocks or read the same book 15 times. When the timer goes off say, "Mommy has to get back to work now, thanks for playing." Then matter-of-factly get down to work. Now then, you're saying that you quit work to study, but it sounds as if your husband thinks you quit in order to be his maid. If he doesn't respect your time, then neither will you or your daughter. Tell your husband that we no longer live in the 50s and that maybe he could put on some lipstick and make you dinner. (Or maybe he could just spend some time with his daughter while you cook-gasp!)

Answer 5

You might want to get a nanny if you can afford it.
However, online working might not be the best for you. It's really difficult at this time, i'm sure... take some time for your daughter because these are key times that she needs the attention. when a baby gets older and grows up, the neglect that she had at the early stage will always stay with her and she might become really odd or depressed. my suggestion is to put the work as much to the side as you can and pay attention to your daughter while you can. Also speak to your husband about it, how it's hard for you to do two things. Good luck.

Answer 6

Mine all did the same. Couple suggestions. Make sure she's not bored when you will be busy. Kinda hard right. Also lengthen the time in between when you pick her up. If you pick her up every time right away when she cries she thinks if I cry mom will pick me up. Instead of picking her up show her a cool toy or divert her attention to something that interests her. You have to pick her up sometimes, she is a baby and needs the comfort but not every time. Also don't get frustrated and upset because they feed off that and will want to be picked up more. Also, hubby should be helping after all it's his kid too! Next time he asks, what's for dinner? You say I don't know what did you make?

Answer 7

Personally, I would tell hubby to get over it.He can't help with her or dinner? I'm not being insensitive, my daughter was the same way. She is two and a half now and hardly ever wants to be held. Enjoy it while it lasts. Maybe you could get her a "toy" computer so she can be just like mommy. Kids love stuff like that. Good luck.

Answer 8

It's called tough love. You love your daughter dearly, but need to get a handle on this now! I have the same problem with my son. I feel terrible because I have to work and can't be with him all the time (which I'm getting ready to remedy but anyway..) and when I get home, he wants me to hold him all night. I love to, but there are some things that have to be done at home each day, and I can't hold him all the time. I've put him in his excersaucer, and his play pen. He cries, but he's going to get used to it, like your daughter will. She knows you love her, and she also knows how to get to you. They're smart little creatures! You just put her down and let her learn how to self soothe and play. It will be okay! Congratulations for going back to school, too!

Answer 9

I am sorry, but you don't have much of a chance of getting your homework done with a 13 month old in the house. They are pretty high maintenance at that age , and even if you are not holding her, you will still need to be watching her and engaging her.

Answer 10

Firmly tell your daughter, "No!" and sit her down on the floor by you or in her crib area. She may cry and scream and throw a tantrum, but eventually she will get tired of all the crying and settle down, if not even fall asleep! It's going to be trying on your part, but you can do it. Your little girl's got to learn that the world will not revolve around her, and teaching her even at a young age will be fruitful for her in the future.