Can you analyze a tomboy?

Question

Why is it that some women cannot find meaningful relationships with other women? My entire life- all of my close friends have been male. I have had female friends, but none of them close, and they always ended up stabbing me in the back. I was never able to trust women as much as men. There was always this underlying competition going on between women and all other women, even the ones who were friends, and I never liked that. I would just much rather stay out of that. I have a female friend on Yahoo 360, who seems to be an exception to that, but I don't know her that well yet. Men have always been more respectful toward me, more down to earth, and I was always able to trust them more.I also find that I don't have much to talk to women about! They don't seem interested in the things that interest me. My brother and I were best friends all through childhood and high school. Even my husband & I were close friends before dating.

It's not a problem, I'm just curious as to why that is with some women. Sometimes I feel like it's not quite normal to have nothing in common with members of the same sex. Most women have at least a few close female friends. Are any other women like this? Just curious if it's more normal than I think.

By the way, to rhio9, I'm not bashing females at all. I'm only speaking of my past experience with female friendships, and I'm sorry, but that's how they were. That's all there is to it. I'm not going to lie. I didn't choose not to be friends with them because I feel that "I am superior to all other women out there." Sorry if it came across that way. I just chose not to be friends with them because they could not be trusted, which is the same I would do with a man if he pretended to be my friend, only to go behind my back and badmouth me. I know not all women are like that.This is my personal life I'm speaking of, not every female's. I know there are females out there who have wonderful friendships. I'm just saying that the majority of my friendships tend to work out better with men. Oh- and I do go by your rule of "If I don't like something, I stay out of it", which is exactly the reason why most of my friends are male. Yes- it is a no-brainer. Go burn your bra.

"Godless", I do agree with you 100%. Thanks.

No, I'm not a lesbian. I knew that remark would pop up from somebody!

Answer 1

Physiologically, it's natural for women to be catty, and competitive with one another, and naturally that brings along all the deception, backstabbing, and other crap that women do to one another. Women get jealous of other women easily. Women compare themselves to other women regularly, even if not openly, it's always happening. Women judge themselves often by the quality of their man, and so there's a ton of competition on that front.

If you date it back ten thousand years, before modern society and words like "Jealousy" and "Envie" and "Back-stabbing" even existed (And this is pending you believe at least somewhat in evolution), we as humans have a few key criteria, a few key instincts to "Survival".

Shelter is one, food is another, and procreation is another. Men prior to the age of "evolved" simply roamed and did the deed with whomever they chose, and who was most likely back then to attract the most men? That's right, the healthiest, most attractive woman (Afterall, is attraction usually not toward healthy?). The same is basically true today. Men will chose the best woman of the bunch when it comes to dating and relating, and who is the leading competition for the best woman? That's right, other woman.

Taking it down a step, and backing away from evolutionary theory, and phisiological babble......in modern society women are very competitive with one another, but they do so silently. Men are more aggressive and pronounce in their competitiveness with one another, and if one man feels another man is a threat to him in any way (Be it physical, relationship, or even a threat to ego), men will generally oppose the other man.

Woman don't do this too often. So, they have to use subterfuge, and espionage. Heh. I forget who said, "Some battles are fought on the field, others from behind walls."

Competition has to be solved somehow. If not openly, then subtely.

Now, this isn't always completely true, but a lot of women are so competive, envious, and prone to jealousy of other women, that they can be quite evil. Here's the funny thing: Women like this attract one another. I suppose it's a bit of a "Keep your enemies close" mindset. Not to mention, a lot of girls eventually pull away from these evil biotches, if you will, leaving them to wallow in their circle of bitterness.

As for men:

Men feel a stronger sense of duty to protect, care for, and impress women. We're not competing with you. We're on your team. We may be the opposite gender, but you're offense to our defense, or the defense to our offense. We're naturally going to work as one unit. Men compliment women, and women compliment men.

Granted, some men will falsify their efforts to be nice to you in search of the wrong things, but I think overall, even though that is often on the back of a man's mind, it is fully possible for men and women to be great friends, without any further relationship what-so-ever. I can attest to this, as I generally make friends with the women in my workplace/school/whatever more quickly than I meet the men, but I rarely have an intimate relationship with any of them.

The Tomboy:

Nothing wrong with that :) Some women just dig things that guys dig. One of my ex's loved video games, and cars, and insisted that I put on some gloves and box her once. She'd drink with the best of us, and was more likely to burp in the presence of others than I was (Which, for the record, I still don't find that attractive, hah!).

Some women get more wrapped up in the things that make women ....women. They emphasis them. They grow up being lady-like, and so maintain that later into life. For a lot of women there is a clear cut line between boy and girl, because that's how they were raised, and that's how they perceive things.

GIrls who become tomboys don't usually get that distinction. They grow up with older brothers, or cousins, or friends in their local area who are boys, so obviously they're going to start enjoying things that the boys around them do. You aren't born with interests. You develop them. And you develop interests similar to your friends as you grow up. Sure, you might pick up a few of your own, but most of your interests are picked up socially -- By you and those around you.

Just look at junior high where long time elementary school friends often go their separate ways when "Cliques" first get introduced. Suddenly one person likes rock, and the other rap, and the guy who goes the rap route will wear baggy jeans, while the rock kid will wear band shirts....just like all of their friends. Point is....you develop tastes through your life, from begining to existing, and if you grew up around boys, and grew up enjoying boys things, it's going to stick with you.

:)

Answer 2

It's interesting that you say you haven't had close female friends, that the ones you did have "stabbed" you in the back, that you don't trust women much, there's always competition between you and other women yada yada yada....and THEN you say you'd rather "stay out of that", and you "never liked that".

If you truly didn't "like" it, and if you really intended on staying out of it, then you wouldn't be constantly bringing more of the past into your future. If I don't like something, I don't do it, I stop it. If I want to stay out of something, I stay out of it. It's A NO-BRAINER.

Apparently, there's something very valuable and worthwhile you get out of female-bashing, female-dissing, and your own brand of female-snobbery that really pays off for you. Otherwise, I can't imagine that you'd be having repetitious, predictable and somewhat tired, uninspired, passionless and "ordinary" (mediocre) and INAUTHENTIC misrepresentations of yourself and other women.

On the other hand, maybe you have sexual feelings for other women and you've been taught by the men in your life, especially dad, that it's very, very wrong and so now it's easier to do what youre doing, to distance yourself from women and deny there's anything in common betwen you and other same-sex energies, than it is to deal with basic attractions. Hhhhmmmmmm?

Answer 3

I'm like that too. It took me forever to figure out that the reason I didn't get along with other women was that we had very little in common, and one of the major differences was that I am an atheist. Since I've met other atheist women on 360, I've been getting along with them very well. I think that sometimes it's a matter of finding people who share your world view.

Answer 4

i get along WAY better with male friends. i have 2 friends, both chicks, that i would consider my best friends. but they are pretty much my only girlfriends. i mean, there are girls that i associate with, but i just seem to get along better with guys. we have similar tastes, we dont have petty arguments about nothing, we enjoy similar hobbies. i dunno. i just click better with dudes