my situation is a little special. i and my husband (white guy)engaged in China last year.because needed wait for my visa, we were apart for about half an year.
last month, i came to US and we got married. actually we are very happy to be with each other. and i thought he is honest for me too.
i use his computer everyday, and both of us keep our mail password in computer. but today, i found him have a very strange name mail box, because of curious, i entered, and found he used that mailbox to look for hooker duiring our aparttime!!
right now i'm really feel so complex. i need your help.
i'm from a tradditional city, but, is this very common for white guy?
if he knew it's very easy for me to read his "private" mail, but still keep the password there,is that means trust or test me? or other meaning? (found this really hurt me!)
what shall i do? pretend don't know or ask him directly?
i really need your answer. thanks.
2007-03-22 07:23:07 · 22 answers · asked by sky123 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's tough, bc suppose it was a set-up, but then that's totally wrong of him to do knowin that most women will snoop.
I say sit down and ask him "Hun is there anything I should know about, Is everything ok. Are you happy"? If he gives you the answer that you want to hear, by no mean mention the situation. Like you said it could be a test to see if you're nosy or whether you trust him or not.
2007-03-22 07:30:17 · answer #1 · answered by svictor24 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, sorry to hear about this question. Honestly, it sounds like the two of you had a whirl wind romance, and it sounds to me like you did not take any time to get to know this man.
While I believe that most men are very physical creatures, looking for a prostitute is not normal behavior.
I do not think this is normal behavior for a man per se. I would think that you could go to a bar if you were a man and if you wanted sex so bad you could pick any drunk and willing chick in there and take her home to bed.
Is your fiance that bad looking where he needs to pay someone to have sex with him? This behavior is low, and this is not something a normal American man or even a "white man" does. I mean men do it obviously, but its not the norm.
The other thing is, what tempted you to open his email? That is not trustworthy behavior on your part. There must be something in your heart telling you something was not right.
I would be very careful of American men because a lot of them (not all) take advantage of a foreign woman. They are the type of men who want you to be their mother. They want you to wait on them hand and foot. Basically be a servant to them.
If I were you I would not confront him about this issue. Only because you were snooping. I do not think that was right of you either. Its going to cause a huge fight, and you are going to look like the bad person.
No one should ever be trying to "test" you. If you guys truly loved each other you would be beyond the game playing. Your married now and you both should have been confident enough in your love that you would not try and test one another's trust. That is so ridiculous. I seriously think your gut instinct is kicking in, and while I do not entirely agree with you looking through his email, something is wrong.
I think you should think about your options, and try to get out of the relationship. Next time around, I would make sure I knew the person a little longer so that these trust issues didn't come up. And I would end this relationship before you both decided to have children.
2007-03-22 07:45:19 · answer #2 · answered by katisadiva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can’t really do anything to stop him; sad, but true. It is up to him.
All I can tell you is if he does it then that man DOES NOT love you and Respect you enough, on the contrary, I don’t think you should marry him because that says the kind of person he is.
If you will have a solid evidence that he has done it with the hooker, you will be a fool to marry him and will regret everything at the end.
2007-03-22 07:52:57 · answer #3 · answered by L!LO 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to ask him because you are his wife now. Hookers are nasty and usually have lots of variety of diseases... so YES you need to ask him directly. NO, no matter what HE says, this isn't a common thing for white man. Yes, they are out there, but I don't think the majority sleep with hookers. Maybe it was something that happened during your apart time and he just wanted to forget it, maybe that IS his only lie, but YOU DESERVE THE TRUTH!
2007-03-22 07:59:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is such a difficult situation!
On one hand, he CHEATED on you! On the other hand, it was a hooker, so no special bond was developed between them.
If you tell him, he'll accuse you of snooping; if you don't tell him, the "what ifs" will eat you up inside!
Eventually, everything you keep to yourself comes out anyway. You should probably confront him and just get it over with! Don't let him turn this around on you or make it about you not trusting him!
2007-03-22 07:29:56 · answer #5 · answered by mzindica 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him about what he found and talk to him about it. You could have gotten a disease from him that he got from the hooker, you need to go get checked out. The state health departments do that sort of testing for free, he needs to get tested too.
2007-03-22 08:16:19 · answer #6 · answered by Carolyn C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, not common for a white guy, or should it be for any guy in a relationship. He is taking advantage of your trust, and needs to be confronted. That is a horrible thing to do, and if it has indeed happened once, it will happen agian. I am sorry for your heart ache, some people just cant be trusted.
2007-03-22 07:29:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, welcome to America!!
To answer your question, I don't think this is real normal, but we do seem to have a lot of prostitutes here in the US (do we, or is that just the media attention). I don't have a lot of my friends that frequent hookers, so no not ordinary.
I would encourage you to ask him, let him apologize profusely, and then make him solemnly swear to never to do that again. It was before you were married, but his engagement to you was a promise that you were THE one.
If he actually went through with the hooker thing. Then I would encourage you to both be tested for any STD's (sexually transmitted diseases).
Good luck, hang in there, and again, welcome.
2007-03-22 07:34:25 · answer #8 · answered by Dino 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to ask him about it. Maybe he did not actually meet the hooker, but was just fantasizing online? It is not acceptable for guys in the U.S. to meet hookers while in a relationship! Do not accuse him of anything yet- just ask him to explain.
2007-03-22 07:27:54 · answer #9 · answered by WhiteDove 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all you need to go to your Doc. to see if that cheating asshole of a husband of yours gave you an STD. Second take him to divorce court baby! He's only going to do it again or why else does he have all this secretive **** going on? Your crazy to trust some one like that ,I think your judgement of him was all wrong. Just think about it he likes HOOKERS! This is common I must say for all dirty disgusting freaky gross me out men!
2007-03-22 07:34:23 · answer #10 · answered by Tree70 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋